I have so much on mind I almost don't know where to start. So, I will start here with my song of the week because the song I picked for this week has had a big impact on me and some of the things I will talk about in the blog entries to follow. Without further ado lets get at it.
I was super excited when I heard the news a few months ago that Justin Timberlake was set to release a new album in March. The year 2013 seems to be the year of new music from some of my favorite artist. JT's album is the first one on the list. I was excited because I'm doing great these days so any dance and groove type music always does me good to keep that feeling going.
What I was surprised to find out about the album after listening to it a lot after I got it is that beyond the great groove of the album itself there was one song that immediately stood out to me. That song is called "Mirrors". Now, here is another situation when I don't relate directly to the song in the way it's written so to speak. The song however gives me the same powerful message, but in my case it's more about self discovery than doing it through another person. Although part of it is actually about what I have learned about a past situation with a woman. Most of what speaks to me in this song is about what I have found looking in the mirror at myself. I think the best way to explain myself is go through the lyrics and explain directly after what they mean to me.
"Mirrors"
Aren't you somethin' to admire?
Cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror
Finally, I can look in the mirror and feel proud of all the hard work I have put in regarding myself. To take the time to really appreciate all the extra effort spent on my health. To see the results of all the love that I have put back into myself. Aren’t I something to admire? Why yes Derrick, you are and I’m very proud of myself. I know I have had many things that have motivated me and continued to motivate me, but above all of that I did all of this for me and only me. Many people have said to me that I should have gone on the show The Biggest Loser because of all my progress. I always answer that phrase with this response, “I don’t need that show to get where I want to go. I do this for me and no one else.” However, thinking about it now I would only go on there to motivate others. Inspiring others really makes me happy. To show them how possible it is can be so powerful. When I say I do this only for myself it is not to be selfish, but instead I mean it in the most powerful way possible. See until you can dive into yourself and really do it for you it will always seem harder and often fail. This applies to other things than just weight loss. I remember that in my last text conversation/fight with Laura when I was dropping all connections to her and hitting her with the plain truth she said to me, “You have me fuming! I have never been talk to like this before. You have me wanting to prove you wrong so bad.” What I said back was, “It doesn’t matter what I did to you or how much you want to prove me wrong you will never succeed if you don’t do it for yourself. Because if it solely worked on that principle then you would have been sober a long time ago.” Truth be told she has had as much adversity and help as anyone I have ever seen and she still always ended up hating herself. She is very good at suppressing the real problem, but it will always surface eventually.
And I can't help but notice
You reflect in this heart of mine
Ever since my father died I look at life so differently. The further and further I go to become the Derrick I am I try as hard as I can to speak directly from the heart. This is not always easy, but always necessary. What a beautiful heart I have and as the Derrick that has been hidden under (at one time hundreds of pounds of fat) my heart is now the thing that grows bigger. What a wonderful reflection I make in my own heart.
If you ever feel alone and
The glare makes me hard to find
Just know that I'm always
Parallel on the other side
We all go through dark times in our life, but it’s important not to get trapped there. Remember that there is light on the other side no matter how hard it maybe to see at times. I know from the work that I have done that the more bad stuff inside you that you clear out the less darkness you will see and the easier it becomes to come back to the light.
Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass
I'm here tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong
I always get to a great place with myself and then something pushes me back. Every time it happens though I get up and become more determined than the last time. Currently I’m the most focused I have ever been in my entire life and that too continues to grow. I’m now not allowing those things that don’t serve me to enter my life anymore. I will not be stopped. There isn’t a place I can’t go or a person I can’t be. I intend on being the healthiest and happiest version of myself.
I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
I have worked so hard to get to where I am now I WILL NOT LOSE YOU AGAIN. I look in the mirror and not only do I see the other half of me I see the whole me and I can’t help but smile back.
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Self love. The part of my heart that I was trying to fill with someone else is no longer vacant. “Sorry, seat’s taken...” This is not to say that I’m not looking for someone to be with, but this time around I’m looking for a healthy kind of love.
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy
Comin' back here to you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
This is probably my favorite part of the song and what really spoke to me. It’s always about fighting for now. I have finally made it back to me and realized that I have been here the whole time. It’s funny how much we get lost in life and forget what is right in front of ourselves. Especially in regards to ourselves. You are right here.
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
So, when I was chasing after Laura and others, I was picking women that were a reflection of myself in many ways. Times are a changing in the reflection I’m looking for in the person I choose to be with in life. Plus the reflection I’m making to myself is pretty sweet.
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
I never realize how much some of the bad situations that I have pick for myself bring me down till I fully step away. My whole situation with Laura is the best example of that. I cannot be me or become the person I want to be if that person isn’t helping that process. I will not tolerate that kind of negative energy anymore and I finally feel free of all of what went on in the past.
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making
Two reflections into one
Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me
This is a serious promise and one I intend to keep. I’m putting myself back together. I won’t have to in vision the person I want to be I will only have to look in the mirror.
Aren't you somethin', an original
Cause it doesn't seem merely assembled
And I can't help but stare, cause
I see truth somewhere in your eyes
I can't ever change without you
You reflect me, I love that about you
And if I could, I
Would look at us all the time
Now, not to give you in the impression I’m obsessive about looking at myself in the mirror, but I have in the past avoided myself for many years. Avoiding the reality of who I was. So yes, I make sure I regularly check in with where I’m at with myself. I take time to appreciate my hard word and just take time to fall in love with myself. It has been a long road and nothing happens overnight. I do see the truth in my eyes. I cannot ever change if I am not the complete Derrick. Mind, body, and soul.
Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass
I'm here tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong
Again, I will not be stopped and I’m so excited to see where I can go. With each level that I reach more and more of myself and the world are opened up to me. I love it. I can’t stop and I won’t stop.
I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy
Comin' back here to you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
I can’t lose myself I’m too awesome.
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making
Two reflections into one
Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me
Yesterday is history
Tomorrow's a mystery
I love this part of the song. I have moved through so much over the last 10 years. I must remember that the past (especially the bad stuff) is history. I only have now and the future. That is such an exciting thought to me. I have seen what I did to myself in 8 years from comparing my old drivers license with my new drivers license and I’m not just talking about the physical part of me either its the whole package. I have such a different look about me on my new drivers license. Here is to self love and exploration of the now and the future.
I can see you lookin' back at me
Keep your eyes on me
Baby, keep your eyes on me
That’s right Derrick keep your eyes focused on you now and what is in front of you. There is no need to waste time focusing one what was almost or what could have been. You are doing great and on a path that has so much potential. Keep it up.
I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy
Comin' back here to you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making
Two reflections into one
Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me
You are, you are the love of my life [x10]
Self love. No one will ever love me more than I do.
Now you're the inspiration for this precious song
And I just wanna see your face light up since you put me on
I’m happy and I am shining bright. Wouldn’t you agree?
So now I say goodbye to the old me, it's already gone
Yes, the old Derrick is gone and the new me is already starting. In actuality I was always there. Now I’m just expanding on the me thats always been there.
And I can't wait wait wait wait wait to get you home
Just to let you know, you are
You are, you are the love of my life [x8]
Girl you're my reflection, all I see is you
My reflection, in everything I do
You're my reflection and all I see is you
My reflection, in everything I do
Yes, I see you. Yes, I really see you. Yes, so very glad to see you.
You are, you are the love of my life [x16]
Wow, that was a lot out of a 7 minute song. I had to share because it meant to much to keep to myself. I wish everyone the same self discovery that I have found. It’s nothing short of amazing. It’s the hardest work we can do while here on this planet, but its the most rewarding. Thanks for being a part of my journey.
As always I bring this to you with love and pure D-lite. = )
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