I constantly have to tell myself I am on the right path and I am making progress in the right direction. There are however, many times I struggle. Most of you may not even notice or think that I do. I am very good at hiding certain things. The exception being those that are very close to me. Lucky for me my doctor has become one of those people. It's actually very good that she is... because lately I have been very fucking frustrated/irritated. So much so my last monthly meet with my doctor was a big bitching session on all the god damn shit I have been going through. She knew from the moment I walk through the door and she asked how I was doing. To which I replied "it's going.." I let it all out and she listened patiently and answered my ass ton of questions. Helped reenforced my path and all the work I am doing. Gave me some more help and continued pushing me in the right direction. I left still frustrated, but with quite a bit more hope and some validation. Most people that see my progress on the outside don't have a clue to the struggle within. It's not easy to go down this road. A road that has a lot of reward, but takes a lot of work to get the rewards. This is my body we are talking about though so it's the highest work you can do. BUT GOD DAMN IT... it's hard. Reading labels on everything which is hard because I have said before that I can’t read... speaking of which watching me type a blog out is actually probably quite funny looking *imagine me just looking around while both of my hands are violently stroking the keyboard stopping only to hit post on blogger* which = my blog entries or a big pile a dog shit whatever you feel like calling it..lol.
My frustration with my current path is... It's getting harder and harder. I am spending more and more time at the gym, more time prepping food, and actually getting the right amount of sleep. It's frustrating because I have very little time for myself or to share myself with others. I know when I get where I want to go with this path I'm on it will be easier to maintain when I get there. Somedays it's hard to remember that. When I am sweating like a fucking pig at the gym or when I fall asleep at my computer waking up at early hours of the am in my computer chair (which isn't even close to the comfort of my wonderful fucking kingsize bed!) pissed of at myself because I keep trying to push the limit with myself. I know what your thinking... Kingsize bed for a single guy... Oh fuck yeah! Why the fuck not! Jesus Derrick what's with the potty mouth... You know what
sometimes it's just the right thing to say. It's like that song..."Just call me sailor... In the morning... My potty mouth is all I need..." I think that's how it goes... Or at least it should. Oh I am too much!
Anyways... I appreciate all of you that support me and even all those that don't understand exactly what it is I am doing, but love me for loving myself. Please don't take it the wrong way when I turn down wonderful gifts you try to give me that are of the eating type. I also appreciate those that go out of there way to make it work like my sister, Amy the pastry master, Michelle my bell, and even Laura for giving me and excellent gluten free and dairy free dinning experience. There are many more I sure I haven't named, BUT THANK YOU! Remember don't take be sorry if you make a mistake and I catch it. It's not your job to make sure I follow this path it's my job. I got to push on... Everyday fucking day...
With love from your potty mouth and d-liteful sailor... =)
Time for fucking bed... Only have to be up in 6 hrs... Oops... Lol
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