I am really trying to pull myself out of the little mess I created in my love life. I really am. I have reached out to those that support me by contacting all the tools in my complete health toolbox. I did this of course to keep me afloat and get me heading in the right direction with my life again. Luckily for me I have this drive in me that kicks in at some point and says,”Alright. Enough of the bullshit. I need to do something to change this.” So that is what I have been doing lately. I’m currently managing all the factors that “I” have control over in my life. What I have found when I looked at the situation is that there is quite a bit that I can control.
During this movement of trying to kick my own heine back into gear the song I picked for this week came on. The song is from a band you might have heard of before called The Rolling Stones. The song is called “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.” This seems to be the theme for my love life throughout my life up until this point. In my love life I have yet to feel like I ever get what I “want” and rarely I even get what I “need” when it comes to relationships for that matter.
So, now starts the rebuilding process and the hardest part for me is trusting and having faith in what the universe has planned for me. I can say openly I have a “really” hard time trusting this part of the process. Even as I write about it I get this sick feeling in my stomach, but I know I have to do it.
When you have a situation in your love life that just falls apart or just being rejected in general it’s always a painful process. It’s like an attack on your character and for myself I start reevaluating myself on many levels. In a way it’s a test of your character and how strong you hold true to who you are. For me it’s hard because I always try to turn it around on myself. Like what could I have done better? What about me wasn’t good enough? I have started to change that pattern and that way of thinking. In this latest case I have been trying to get myself to understand that it was much more about the other person than it was ever about me. There is two sides to every relationship and of course this is only my side of the story. I did play a part in allowing it to happen even though I knew deep down inside I shouldn’t have gone the route that I did. I’m getting better at listening to that voice of reason inside of me, but this is an example that tells me that I’m still not doing my best to listen to that voice.Then again I am human right?
Enough of all that stuff for now you don’t need to know the nitty gritty of all the work I’m doing with myself. The point of all I have shared is that I am doing the work and trying my best. I will be okay and life will go on. Lets breath some light and love into this situation by allowing myself to heal. I will continue the self love regiment that I have started recently and keep myself busy so my mind doesn’t get trapped in the circle like I normally do. I will do what I feel is the best for me and overall I think that I’m good at taking care of myself and that brings me lots of comfort.
I am a great guy. I am worthy of great and wonderful love. I deserve the kind of loving relationship that I have always wanted. I will trust that I can find it and I will trust myself enough to follow my own instincts regarding such matters.
To the lyrics!
"You Can't Always Get What You Want"
I saw her today at the reception
A glass of wine in her hand
I knew she would meet her connection
At her feet was a footloose man
No, you can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometime you find
You get what you need
I saw her today at the reception
A glass of wine in her hand
I knew she was gonna meet her connection
At her feet was a footloose man
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you might find
You get what you need
And I went down to the demonstration
To get my fair share of abuse
Singing, "We're gonna vent our frustration
If we don't we're gonna blow a 50-amp fuse"
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you just might find
You get what you need
I went down to the Chelsea drugstore
To get your prescription filled
I was standing in line with Mr. Jimmy
And man, did he look pretty ill
We decided that we would have a soda
My favorite flavor, cherry red
I sung my song to Mr. Jimmy
Yeah, and he said one word to me, and that was "dead"
I said to him
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You get what you need
You get what you need--yeah, oh baby
I saw her today at the reception
In her glass was a bleeding man
She was practiced at the art of deception
Well I could tell by her blood-stained hands
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You just might find
You get what you need
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You just might find
You get what you need
(Really most of the lyrics don’t connect with me except for the chorus. For right now I’m trying to find what I need and that in turn should lead me to what I want at least one day that is.)
I really wish I could skip over the pain and the sadness that comes with this part of the process, but I can’t. I can however determine how long those two things last. So, on that note lets raise our glasses that our full of hope and positivity to make a toast. ‘Here is to happier days and to better opportunities in life.” Now drink in deeply and with this song blasting loud do your best Mick Jagger impression. If nothing else do a bit a dancing till you feel better because that is what I do.
As always I bring this to you with so much love and pure D-Lite. = )
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