Yes, I picked a song by Michael Jackson again, but trust me it’s for a good reason. This week my family and I went to release my mothers ashes to bosom of the pacific ocean as she had requested. It was a day that I dreaded since her passing. Nothing will ever prepare you for these types of days. I can only hope that you have a support group like I have had during this tough time in my life. On that day my support group was my more immediate family and for that I am forever thankful. There is so many more people in my life that sent me love on that day that were not there physically, but definitely there in spirit. Thank you.
We spent the day doing something that my mother loved doing so much and that is being around people. Much of my early years on this planet were spent at the Oregon coast visiting my auntie and my cousins. The day we released my mothers ashes was no different with the exception that we were one person short. Well, at least physically we were a person short. Regardless we made the best of the situation given to us. We had a bonfire on the beach surrounded by chairs. In those chairs we sat and caught up with each others lives and ate some of the tradition foods that we had when we spent days at the beach as kids with my mother and aunt. The food items that were essential to represent past beach trips are as follows: soda, potato chips and Oreo cookies. There was other great food items added into the mix on this day as well. Namely my grandmothers potato salad and smores as some classic additions. She would have been proud.
The other difference this time around is that we are much more grown up now. Now I sit and watch my cousins children with the same wonderment that my mother must have looked at my cousins, my siblings, and myself when we were children. I wondered many things like what will they see in their lifetimes? What will they be like when they are my age? What joys will they bring to the world? What will they remember about this day? Just a few of the questions I asked myself as looked around me. I wondered if the same feeling of love I got when seeing the youngest generation of our family smile and laugh was the same that my mother had when we did that around her? All I know is it brought much joy to my heart on this tough day and it helped remind me this is how life goes. I even enjoyed seeing my grandmother holding our newest addition to the family Felix. The tough times and the good times are all part of life and as cheesy as it might sound it is the circle of life. The smiles and laughter on the face of the children won’t replace my mother, but that helped me be a little more at peace with her passing.
Sorry I’m getting side tracked I just have so much to say about this day. The reason that I picked this song for this week is that it has always meant a lot to me before, but especially after this day. I still have to set the stage a bit more before you will understand. So back to the narration!
Later in the evening we headed down to the shore to spread her ashes. My auntie wrote my mothers name so beautifully on the beach and then everyone filled it in with her ashes. Then we stood and waited for the waves to come and wash her away into the sea. All the while we took pictures and shared more stories about her. There is still a lot of shock in our family about the fact that she is gone. My cousins were great at helping us preserving the moment by giving great ideas on how we should spread the ashes and such. My siblings and I just sat there trying to experience the moment the best that we could.
What I find funny is that after the ashes were all spread out and as we were waiting for the tide to take her away we got distracted. So while we were sharing a story between us the tide came up and took her away when we weren’t looking. Which if you know my mother like I know here she did not like to be the center of attention ever. I guess this event was no exception. Well played mom...well played.
After my mom went into the ocean my sister did something that made so much sense like she often does. She pulled out her phone and play the Michael Jackson song from the movie Free Willy called “Will You Be There”. Why is this so perfect? Because Free Willy was a movie that my mother played so many times while I was growing up that I lost count. Even more than that my siblings were under the impression that because she had played that movie so much that Free Willy HAD to be her favorite movie of all time. I mean how could you watch it that many times and it not be? She said a few years ago that it was in fact NOT her favorite movie at all. This confused and baffled us so much that we made it a running joke about it from then on out. So here we were saying bye to my mother physically and playing a song from her favorite movie (*wink wink*) that is also a song about letting go. My sister’s phone had bad reception most of the day while we were at the beach prior to playing this song, but in this moment the phone managed to play the song all the way through as we stood together beside the sea. A moment I won’t soon forget.
Lyrics:
"Will You Be There"
Hold Me
Like The River Jordan
And I Will Then Say To Thee
You Are My Friend
Carry Me
Like You Are My Brother
“Love Me Like A Mother
Will You Be There?”
Weary
“Tell Me Will You Hold Me
When Wrong, Will You Scold Me
When Lost Will You Find Me?”
But They Told Me
A Man Should Be Faithful
And Walk When Not Able
And Fight Till The End
But I'm Only Human
Everyone's Taking Control Of Me
Seems That The World's
Got A Role For Me
I'm So Confused
Will You Show To Me
You'll Be There For Me
And Care Enough To Bear Me
(Hold Me)
(Lay Your Head Lowly)
(Softly Then Boldly)
(Carry Me There)
“(Lead Me)
(Love Me And Feed Me)
(Kiss Me And Free Me)
(I Will Feel Blessed)”
“(Carry)
(Carry Me Boldly)
(Lift Me Up Slowly)
(Carry Me There)”
(Save Me)
(Heal Me And Bathe Me)
“(Softly You Say To Me)
(I Will Be There)”
“(Lift Me)
(Lift Me Up Slowly)
(Carry Me Boldly)
(Show Me You Care)”
(Hold Me)
(Lay Your Head Lowly)
(Softly Then Boldly)
(Carry Me There)
(Need Me)
(Love Me And Feed Me)
(Kiss Me And Free Me)
(I Will Feel Blessed)
[Spoken]
“In Our Darkest Hour
In My Deepest Despair
Will You Still Care?
Will You Be There?
In My Trials
And My Tribulations
Through Our Doubts
And Frustrations
In My Violence
In My Turbulence
Through My Fear
And My Confessions
In My Anguish And My Pain
Through My Joy And My Sorrow
In The Promise Of Another Tomorrow
“I'll Never Let You Part
For You're Always In My Heart.”
(Truth)
I put some of the lyrics in quotations, but left them to speak for themselves. The one exception was the last line of the spoken word part of the song. There are no right words to say to those that suffer a loss of someone that means so much to them. I can only give you these words of advice from my own experience. My advice for being there for someone going through a loss of someone is to listen closely, try to understand, and love unconditionally to those people as best that you can.
There are many things in life that we have no control over. My mother’s passing is one of those things. I will continue to see the light and the love in this world until the day that we are reunited. A day that I hope is a long time from now, but for you just a moment away.
I would also like to mention that the weather at the beach on that day was perfect for such a hard day and for that I’m also thankful for. I will end my entry with the thought of me dancing to this song while standing beside my family on the shore with the sun and wind on my face surrounded by blue sky as my mother looked on with that wonderful smile of hers.
As always I bring this to you with so much love and pure D-lite. = )
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