Is Death Following me...

Is death following me...



I know the thought of "Is death following me" can seem like a really dark thought to have. Sometimes I'm not quite sure. It seems at times that death is following me around and taking people that mean a lot to me or indirectly taking important people from people close to me. I know that the reality of the situation is that because of my life's circumstances I'm just more highly sensitive and aware of death. However, the amount of weight on my heart caused by grief is immense at times. As one of my friends told me recently after a very dear friend passed away, "I'm so sorry for your loss. You have seen a lot of death in your life." I never really thought about it like that actually. It wasn't till that person pointed out how much loss I have had in my life from deaths that I actually thought about it. That phrase my friend said to me is so true though. That experience of loss I know all too well, unfortunately. That feeling of where did they go...

Where'd you go?



I miss you so

Seems like it's been forever

That you've been gone. 

 She said "Some days I feel like shit

...

Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"

I don't understand why you have to always be gone

I get along but the trips always feel so long

And, I find myself tryna stay by the phone

'Cause your voice always helps me when I feel so alone

But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call

But when I pick up I don't have much to say

So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up

That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin'

Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career



Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so

Seems like it's been forever

That you've been gone.

Where'd you go?

I miss you so

Seems like it's been forever

That you've been gone

Please come back home...



You know the place where you used to live

Used to barbeque up burgers and ribs

Used to have a little party every Hallowe'en with candy by the pile

But now, you only stop by every once in a while

Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time

Anything to keep the thought of you from my mind

I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way

You can call me if you find you have somethin' to say

And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up

That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin'

Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career

Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"



I miss you so

Seems like it's been forever

That you've been gone.

Where'd you go?

I miss you so

Seems like it's been forever

That you've been gone

Please come back home...

I want you to know it's a little fucked up



That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin'

Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses

For while you're not around, and feeling so useless

It seems one thing has been true all along

You don't really know what you got 'til it's gone

I guess I've had it with you and your career

When you come back I won't be here and you'll can sing it...

Where'd you go?



I miss you so

Seems like it's been forever

That you've been gone.

Where'd you go?

I miss you so

Seems like it's been forever

That you've been gone

Please come back home

Please come back home

Please come back home

Please come back home

...

Please come back home

The emotion of grief I think is one of the hardest things that humans have to deal with while on this earth. Why do I think this you might ask? Because sometimes I'm able to see the positives in the loss, but the real truth is the pain of the loss will not ever fully go away. That is what makes grief so difficult.

 I don't even want to say that my life experience has been brought with more difficulty with death than others out there, but the truth of the matter is it does matter how much death you have in your life. All it takes is one death of someone that means a considerable amount to you that was taken too soon can still hurt. It's always the ones left behind that have the hardest time.

As in the case of a few very recent deaths, I'm at a loss for words at this point. To be quite honest I've almost become numb to it and I don't think that is where I want to be with it. All I have to offer is trying to be there for others suffering from the loss that death brings. As per usual I will use music to speak for me and that is why I chose the songs that I did for this entry.

I feel like I keep getting the message of "nothing in life is permanent in life" bashed over my head over and over. I think it's part of my own existential journey or crisis while on this planet. I don't like it. I feel the further in life I get most of what I can feel towards those that I have lost is sadness. But still, I push on...

I want to leave on a more positive song about grief & loss so here you go.

"Everglow"





Oh they say people come

Say people go

This particular diamond was extra special

And though you might be gone

And the world may not know

Still I see you celestial



Like a lion you ran

A goddess you rolled

Like an eagle you circled

In perfect purple

So how come things move on

How come cars don't slow

When it feels like the end of my world?

When I should but I can't let you go?



But when I'm cold, cold

When I'm cold, cold

There's a light that you give me

When I'm in shadow

There's a feeling within me, an everglow



Like brothers in blood

Sisters who ride

And we swore on that night

We'd be friends 'til we died

But the changing of winds

And the way waters flow

Life as short as the falling of snow

And now I'm gonna miss you, I know



But when I'm cold, cold

In water rolled, salt

And I know that you're with me

And the way you will show

And you're with me wherever I go

'Cause you give me this feeling, this everglow



What I wouldn't give for just a moment to hold

Yeah, I live for this feeling, this everglow



So if you love someone, you should let them know

Oh, the light that you left me will everglow  

Don't ever waste a moment and appreciate everyone that you have in your life while they are there. Take good care of yourself and others.

As always I bring this to you with love and pure D-lite. = )

Be well.