The lack of entries from me of course is not without me making efforts to do so over the last few years. Every time I tried to make an entry it just didn’t feel right or even worse I didn’t like what I wrote down. I have really been struggling to find the light that carried me for so long. I truly lost sight of my purpose in writing over the recent years and that is definitely not a good thing for me. This lack of purpose carried over to many other parts of my life as well. There has been much grayness in my life over the past few years.
What happened that got me to fall away from all that made me shine bright and so in love with life? Those are very good questions to ask. In fact I have been asking them to myself over and over for a long time. I have been desperately searching for that answer for too long. The answer as it turns out was in a thought that I had been ruminating on for the last two years.
See I kept thinking back to the time right before my mother died in January of 2014. I looked back and remembered how well I was doing in all parts of my life. Today I even found some hand written thoughts about myself that reflect where I was with in regards to myself back then. It was so amazing how great I felt physically, mentally, and spiritually. Seriously people I can remember walking to the transit center one night and having a very powerful moment with myself. A moment where I stopped and pause to recognize how well I felt on all levels of my life. It was truly amazing and I will never forget that moment. It is the piece of myself that I held onto that would lead me back to myself.
As it turns out the thing that shattered that great part of myself was when a week after that wonderful moment with myself my mother passed away unexpectedly. It rocked me so hard and changed my life forever. Looking back now I see how much it really did affect me. As great as I was feeling with myself I was not prepared to handle something like my mother leaving my life. I remember while I was at the hospital that night after she died I posting on my Facebook status something that basically said that I realized that the light I had found within myself had gone out with the death of my mother. I also said I knew that one day it would return again and stronger than it was before she died. At that time I had no idea how much her death would change me or let alone when the light would return.
Well, after much struggle over the last two years I’m starting to see that light again. Unfortunately to have this awakening I had to hit a bottom with it all to finally ask for real help to get out of the pit I fell into. I’m so thankful that I reached out and asked for help because it has made all the difference. I’m so very lucky to have such great people in my life that help me be my best self.
Finding this light again is a very exciting accomplishment to me because I can finally get back on the path that I was on before I was knocked so far off course. I’m so excited to feel open and free again after living under a rock for so long. I have purpose again and I’m excited to see where the light within myself will lead me to now. Where can I go from here? What can I create? What is possible?
The hardest part of discovering this light again is that I just want to jump back to where I was before my mother’s death, but it’s not that simple. I just want to GO! GO! GO! Well, not so fast Derrick. I have to have patients and much focus to get me there again. The great part is that I’m starting a new chapter that is separate from the chapter that sent me to new heights, but this new chapter is with just as much possibility if not more.
This is it for now, but there is much more that is on the way. I just wanted to get something up to tell the world that I’m back and I’m ready for the next level. Thank you for your patients and I will talk to you very soon.
As always I bring this to you with so much love and pure D-Lite. = )
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