So this is something that I have thought about doing for a long time. For those that have been following me on facebook you have gotten a glimpse of the path that I am on again with all the very long status updates. I am creating this blog because I want to have more in depth place to share for lack of better word me. More importantly I want to inspire others through my experiences. I talk a lot and even more when I am happy. Well guess what I am very happy these days. It hasn't actually been easy getting back to this point, but I am going to try to draw out a path with words so you can understand. Then we can move on to the now for whatever brings delight to my life and yours. Confused yet its ok all will be explained. Get cumfy cozy and get ready to do some reading.
Ok *takes a deep breathe* where to start. Is this a story you say when gathered around the campfire...get your marshmallows ready kids...lol. Probably too long for that, but hopefully I can give you some sort of idea where it started.
I guess we will go back 6 years ago to the breaking point... Febuary 10, 2004 3am. Seems so long ago now. I woke to the sound of pounding on my bedroom door, it was my sister and she was in tears. All I remember her saying over and over is"Dad is dead''. I was in total shock... I remember just sitting on the edge of my bed saying to myself.. "my father is dead". Little did I know how much that event would truely change my life forever.
(Oh, as a side note for all those that have bad relationships with there parents or any family member. Reguardless if you say you will feel nothing when they pass. It will have an effect on you. How it effects you I have no clue, but it will.)
Now I am not going any further into that subject because that is not what this blog is about or atleast this entry. That morning was the begining of the rest of my life. See I had done many things to improve my health long before my father died. Soon as he died it was like I really woke up. Then started taking bigger steps. Bigger and bigger.... then giant. I just ran acrossed a picture that I took I believe in 2005 when I started working out seriously... wow I have come a long way. It's nice to have those reminders. Anyways, I met my wonderful doctor around that time and told her that I was ready to take it through final steps. Whatever I needed to do I was ready.
Well, through a doctor (that actaully care about me for the first time in my life) I got focused on taking it to the next level. This meant sacrifices... lots of them... more than most would be willing to take. More importantly I started listening to my body. Man if everybody did that you would be suprised what change can be made to your life. It isn't till later in your life when things start messing up and shutting down. Then we go.... what happened? I have always tried to be pro active. Speaking of being proactive a customer that comes into my work regularly told me the other day she was out jogging 4 miles a day because she is too fat to be on her insurance....can I get a WTF. How is that kind of action going to help her get anywhere? Oh your to f*#%ed to be helped at all. Sure some of you would say "well she is out jogging 4 miles", but on finding a path to better yourself it helps to have as many tools as you can. Not just throw the baby in the water and hope it can swim. Surrounding yourself with the right people and tools is very key to finding your own path to better health.
So I had worked out pretty consistant since my father died and I was scared of having a heart attack. Being 0ver 350 pounds will do that to ya. So when I met Dr. B we started looking at my diet and checking my actual physical body to see where I was at. She then started getting on me about where I needed to change. She was very black and white about it. That is what I needed and she always knew when to kick me in the heine and she still does. It was very hard at first... I still have battles with it all the time. Why haven't I given up or given into the temptations? Because you have no idea how good I feel right now. About late 2006 into 2007 I really started seeing the results. The more results I saw and the better I felt made me work harder at it. Somethings became second nature to me as things "I have to" not "well I should probably do". There was many nights I started to see my path to delight. Her is a blog I posted on Myspace to show you when I really started listen to myself and the world.
(Oh, as a side note for all those that have bad relationships with there parents or any family member. Reguardless if you say you will feel nothing when they pass. It will have an effect on you. How it effects you I have no clue, but it will.)
Now I am not going any further into that subject because that is not what this blog is about or atleast this entry. That morning was the begining of the rest of my life. See I had done many things to improve my health long before my father died. Soon as he died it was like I really woke up. Then started taking bigger steps. Bigger and bigger.... then giant. I just ran acrossed a picture that I took I believe in 2005 when I started working out seriously... wow I have come a long way. It's nice to have those reminders. Anyways, I met my wonderful doctor around that time and told her that I was ready to take it through final steps. Whatever I needed to do I was ready.
Well, through a doctor (that actaully care about me for the first time in my life) I got focused on taking it to the next level. This meant sacrifices... lots of them... more than most would be willing to take. More importantly I started listening to my body. Man if everybody did that you would be suprised what change can be made to your life. It isn't till later in your life when things start messing up and shutting down. Then we go.... what happened? I have always tried to be pro active. Speaking of being proactive a customer that comes into my work regularly told me the other day she was out jogging 4 miles a day because she is too fat to be on her insurance....can I get a WTF. How is that kind of action going to help her get anywhere? Oh your to f*#%ed to be helped at all. Sure some of you would say "well she is out jogging 4 miles", but on finding a path to better yourself it helps to have as many tools as you can. Not just throw the baby in the water and hope it can swim. Surrounding yourself with the right people and tools is very key to finding your own path to better health.
So I had worked out pretty consistant since my father died and I was scared of having a heart attack. Being 0ver 350 pounds will do that to ya. So when I met Dr. B we started looking at my diet and checking my actual physical body to see where I was at. She then started getting on me about where I needed to change. She was very black and white about it. That is what I needed and she always knew when to kick me in the heine and she still does. It was very hard at first... I still have battles with it all the time. Why haven't I given up or given into the temptations? Because you have no idea how good I feel right now. About late 2006 into 2007 I really started seeing the results. The more results I saw and the better I felt made me work harder at it. Somethings became second nature to me as things "I have to" not "well I should probably do". There was many nights I started to see my path to delight. Her is a blog I posted on Myspace to show you when I really started listen to myself and the world.
July 25,2007
A cool breeze, night sky filled with beautiful stars, off in the distance the radio towers with a partial skyline of Portland, short walk through trees and white flowered weeds. Its a shame not to share this wonderful summer night with someone. The universe gives us so much beauty, so much. Looking at the moon to realize how small and how powerful we are. I feel like climbing the highest mountain and sitting forever. To look up at the stars and float away....I feel so at peace. It's just that conscious lives...and comes through on nights like this. I have never ever felt this way, this good. Not sure that people know about the new journey I am on. I feel like I am finding and feeling new parts of my soul. Surrounded by love and support. A long walk with sis to remind me how much she means to me and how much love we share. Watching a friends kids to understand beginings and hope for the future. New and old music to keep inspiration flowing. The urge to spill my emotions on a blank canvas. The thing I fear the most is my power to become fearless. The power to change the world starts with yourself. I just want to be. The thought of possible romance, the yearning for a touch of passion, the power of a smile....truley doing wonderful beyond words that are not created or translated yet. I tried anyways...Peace and Love. D~
Reading that now it is still so very much how I feel now, but 100 times more. So I am truely on a path that is leading me to great things. I have recently entered new territory as far as my body goes. I have not been the weight I am now since probably Junior Highschool, but really that is only a guess. It feels great and is very exciting. I just feel so wonderful.... Best I have ever been. Most of you (if you are still reading) probably think I am crazy or doing drugs.. or maybe even both. I'm truely (as cheesy as it sounds) high on life.
So what does all this mean to you. Well I want to inspire you to find your path of pure delight. I want you to bridge the gaps, create, believe, love, grow, and enjoy life as we know it or as we are learning it. You will get a glimpse into my life and thoughts. through all sorts of things. Memories, Movies, MUSIC, books, art, and anything inbetween. I will be talking about music a lot. Music really drives my soul. I have recently been finding a lot of great music. Hopefully it will be taking you to new places. Feel free to comment or post any type of response. Everything sparks something else. Like for instants before I started this blog I posted a status update of something that I thought of that made me have a flashback. Here is is:
While I was eating an apple with peanut butter in the glow of my computer screen I had a flash back. I was 5 or 6 years old I would sneak downstairs on the weekends at 5am in the morning to see my favorite cartoon M.A.S.K. I would sit right in front of the TV turn the volume on the very lowest level. Eat peanut butter straight with a butter knife. lol Sometimes I got caught sometimes I didn't... so worth it.
These are some of the random thoughts I will be sharing with all of you. Let me know if that sparks anything for you. Do you have a favorite cartoon? Or did you sneak around doing something you just couldn't help?
With love and pure D~lite
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