Life Through Music: "It's Time" By Imagine Dragons

Well, well...funny how fast a week can go by especially when your head is being filled with logarithms. I really wanted to write this blog entry last week, but being the adult I am I had to set priorities. Oh school...I need a break. Thankfully summer break is almost here and I’m more excited about it than I was last year about this same time. Why is that you ask? Well, because last year I had just started school again and I had only gone spring term. This year I have had three full terms and it’s starting to take a tole on me. I need some time to have fun. I already have many things planned for summer and I can’t wait to get started. 

So, lets get back to the point of this blog entry. MUSIC. Still I’m so overjoyed with how much great music is coming into my life these days. So, recently I saw the movie Ironman 3 with my mom for mother’s day. The movie was awesome and everything I thought it would be, but more than that I took some more meaningful things away from that movie. One of those things is some of the things that Toni Stark says towards the end of the movie. It was his realization of who he was without the suit on. I can so relate to this feeling. Last week I was at my doctors office and I ran into one of the old acupuncturist that I hadn’t seen in quite sometime. She looked right at me and said, “Wow, look at you. You look great. Did you just take the suit off?”. I was blown away by this comment because that was exactly what I had been feeling like. The fat suit has come off and now the world can see me for me. I am different in many ways these days and yet really this is the Derrick that has always been there. 

Which leads me right into my song for this week and that song is “It’s time” by Imagine Dragons. I was introduced to this song by my friend and coworker Cindy. See I made her a cd of music for her birthday in March and she in turn did the same for me for my birthday in April. On the cd she made for me is some really great new music I didn’t even know about. Much of which you will know soon as the weeks unfold. What’s awesome about being connected to your own vibration is you attract others that are on the same wave link. The music off the cd that Cindy shared with me is right in tune with where I’m at in my life right now and that is so awesome. This song isn’t word for word of what I’m feeling about this whole rebirth of myself, but the chorus connects to the overall message. I love the big sound that Imagine Dragons brings so every time I listen to their songs I crank the music way up and just absorb. It feels great to feel and connect like this to music. It’s what drives me in life. 

Lets go to the lyrics to see what I can take out directly. 

So this is what you meant

When you said that you were spent

And now it's time to build from the bottom of the pit

Right to the top

Don't hold back

(Yes, It’s time to build myself back up and no holding back it’s time to go beyond) 

Packing my bags and giving the academy a rain check

I don't ever wanna let you down

(It’s time to stop letting myself down and let a new era of Derrick begin)

I don't ever wanna leave this town

(Well, It’s a little off topic, but truthfully I don’t want to leave this town I love the foundation of people that I have here.)

'Cause after all

This city never sleeps at night

It's time to begin, isn't it?

I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit

I'm just the same as I was

Now don't you understand

That I'm never changing who I am

(Now this is the most connected part of the song for me. Isn’t it time to get bigger? To become greater than you ever imagined? At the same time the beautiful part of this is that I have always been this great and I’m never going to change the core of me that I love so dearly. I am great.)

So this is where you fell

And I am left to sell

The path to heaven runs through miles of clouded hell

Right to the top

Don't look back

(The past must not be forgotten so it’s not repeated, but I’m focused on now and what is in front of me.) 

Turning the rags and giving the commodities a rain check

I don't ever wanna let you down

I don't ever wanna leave this town

'Cause after all

This city never sleeps at night

It's time to begin, isn't it?

I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit

I'm just the same as I was

Now don't you understand

That I'm never changing who I am

(Isn’t it time?)

It's time to begin, isn't it?

I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit

I'm just the same as I was

Now don't you understand

That I'm never changing who I am

This road never looked so lonely

This house doesn't burn down slowly

To ashes, to ashes

( I have realized that although becoming the person I am moving forward has changed some of the interactions I have with people that’s okay. Not everyone has to be where I am. Although I always encourage you to make a better you.)

It's time to begin, isn't it?

I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit

I'm just the same as I was

Now don't you understand

That I'm never changing who I am

It's time to begin, isn't it?

I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit

I'm just the same as I was

Don't you understand

That I'm never changing who I am

(Has it sunk in yet? 

IT IS TIME.)

One of the other things that I connected with in Ironman 3 was that Toni Stark is a “fixer”. By that I mean fixing things in life is what he always tries to do and that is what he is good at. Well, I consider myself the same, but what Toni and I have realized is understanding what you can fix and what you cannot fix. This is my new journey. I will always love, care, and support those that come in my life. I won’t however try to fix everything for them any longer. No one person can fix my problems either so why should I think that someone can come a long a magically fix someone else’s problems. These are my realizations on my journey to the better me. Thank you for listening. 

As always I bring this to you with love and pure D-lite. LOVE. = ) 

Life Through Music: "Fix You" by Coldplay and "Ex-factor" by Lauryn Hill

I’m still in a swirl of great music coming into my life, but this week I need to address some music that I have reintroduced into my life recently. We all know how bad breakups can be and how much music can attach to past relationships through memories. Well, in cleansing myself of my toxic situation with Laura I took all the music out of my life from a band I love so much to help with the process. This was very hard to do, but I knew if I was really going to pull away I would have to take it to the next level. The band that I’m referring to is Coldplay. This band for many years held a lot of meaning to Laura and I. That is until recently. 

For some reason recently I was reminded of the free live album that Coldplay gave away for free to download from there website back in 2008. They called the album “LeftRightLeftRightLeft” and it was a collection of live recordings of some of their more popular songs. Its an awesome experience to listen to the live concert versions of the songs and feel like you’re actually there at the concert. My sister and I would listen to this often when driving places together. So, I went on a frantic search to find if it was still available online. No go, but then I remember I had backed it up on my external hard drive from my old PC. Sure enough... I looked and there it was. I immediately made a back up cd of this album. Then I put that cd in my cd player on repeat for quite awhile as I worked on homework. 

It was a great way to test the waters with myself and see if I was ready to listen to Coldplay again. I definitely was and I started falling in love with the songs all over again with a different light. Sure memories came up, but there is no longer any pain attached to those memories. My light is so much brighter now. 

So, lets get more specific of the details regarding Laura and Coldplay. One song that sums our situation in one song and its the song “Fix You”. This is one of two songs that I’m actually going to pic for this week. When listening to it recently I couldn’t help but smile and dance as I absorbed the song again. This song finally no longer holds me to those memories. The song “Fix You” has been exactly what I tried to do for 9 years with Laura as she battles her addiction. No longer. I have washed my hands of this.

When you try your best but you don't succeed

When you get what you want but not what you need

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

(You have to let go of the failure so that I can move out of reverse.)

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

(Yes, it could have been much worse)

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

(I stopped trying to fix you and started fixing myself.)

And high up above or down below

When you're too in love to let it go

(Oh how blinded we can get when that kind of love is in the picture.)

But if you never try you'll never know

Just what you're worth

(YES! Oh and I know what I’m worth now.)

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face

When you lose something you cannot replace

Tears stream down your face

And I

Tears stream down your face

I promise you I will learn from my mistakes

( oh I have learned from my mistakes.)

Tears stream down your face

And I

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

( I have started to fix me and my light is shining so bright) 

Am I so sure? Is something you would probably ask me. Yes, and I will tell you why I know that I have. Laura finally tried to contact me a few nights ago. I was very surprised to see a text message on my phone from her to be honest. It took me awhile to really understand how I was going to deal with this. The text she sent was the same text that she has sent me periodically for the last 9 year. A text that said basically 90 days clean and I’m looking for your forgiveness. I probably shouldn’t have even text back, but then I thought I’m not afraid of this anymore. In fact I feel its necessary to really go as direct as possible to this situation. I’m no longer messing around. Derrick Heine don’t play no games. I’m so much different than how I was even when we talked last which to be honest I don’t even remember when we stopped. 

I won’t go into all that was said, but I made sure she knows a few things that she didn’t know before she text me. One, is that I’m done with anything between us at any level. Two, I forgave her awhile ago. Three, more importantly I forgave myself. Four, that I’m not really the same person she knew. By that I mean I’m more confident, happier, loving, and brighter than she has ever known. Five, that we aren’t any good for each other in anyway. Which leads me to the other song I wanted to pick for this week and that is “Ex-factor” by Lauryn Hill. I heard this song the day after she tried to contact me and it just fit at so many levels of the stupid mess that we have been doing to each other for far to long.

"Ex-Factor"

It could all be so simple

But you'd rather make it hard

Loving you is like a battle

And we both end up with scars

(these are the words that hit me and made me pick this song as well for this week.) 

Tell me, who I have to be

To get some reciprocity

No one loves you more than me

And no one ever will

(I did love her a lot and cared even more for her than she ever did me, but as for being the one that will always have loved her the most. No, I don’t think like that. If she does the work one day she could have love that everyone deserves to have. Just not from me. )

Is this just a silly game

That forces you to act this way

( this is basically how I felt about her trying to text me and do this stupid game we have done. So over it. )

Forces you to scream my name

Then pretend that you can't stay

Tell me, who I have to be

To get some reciprocity

No one loves you more than me

And no one ever will

[Hook:]

No matter how I think we grow

You always seem to let me know

It ain't workin'

It ain't workin'

(Yes, I have grow much and I know why it doesn’t work and never did.) 

And when I try to walk away

You'd hurt yourself to make me stay

( Yes ,she did every time.)

This is crazy 

This is crazy

(Yes, it was crazy and stupid. You live and you learn.)

I keep letting you back in

How can I explain myself

As painful as this thing has been

I just can't be with no one else

(Wrong. I can and will.)

See I know what we got to do

You let go and I'll let go too

'Cause no one's hurt me more than you

And no one ever will

(Oh here is the meat of the song. Yes, just let go because I let go long time ago. There has been a lot of hurt, but just let it go. It does no good to either of us to hold on to it. 

Let go. )

[Repeat Hook]

Care for me, care for me

I know you care for me

There for me, there for me

Said you'd be there for me

Cry for me, cry for me

You said you'd die for me

Give to me, give to me

Why won't you live for me

[Repeat]

 (To all the lyrics that end with “me” I say “No longer”.)

I will no longer take on the toxic feelings of sadness and regret that comes along every time we reconnect.

Overall message: She will be ok and so will I. 

I don’t always want to drag my readers through this horrible mess, but I’m not the only person that has gone through things like this. There is always lessons to be learned and I have learned much from other peoples situations as well. This for me is to really put it out there to the universe that I have done the work and I’m moving on. I hope you take something from my struggles or it at the very least keeps you from creating messes like this one in your own life. I have to speak as honest as I can so this is where my head was this week, but it’s moving out of it and on to better things. Happiness is where I am now and plan to stay there. I have spent too much of my life away from happiness. I have worked hard to clear those things that keep me from happiness and so I deserve the joy I have found. You cannot dim my light or take the smile from this face. 

As always I bring this to you with love and pure D-lite. = )

Life Through Music: "Alive" by Empire Of The Sun

Wow...I know that I have already mentioned that there is so much new music coming out this year by many of my favorite artist, but really there is a lot of new music headed my way. All that great new music seems to be just falling in line with where I’m at right now in my life and I never get tired of when music does that to me. It seems the more I get in tune with myself the less I have to find the music that plays on the radio station that is me. Instead the music that fuels my soul makes its way to me and what has come my way so far this year has been so awesome, but that only makes sense because I feel amazing. 

Besides the new music that has come out recently there has also been a huge introduction to my ears of artist and songs that I did not know about as well. This has been made possible by the help of the wonderful people I have in my life. Getting introduced to knew music by those that vibrate at the same level as I do is truly amazing and I’m truly overjoyed with all that has come my way. I have songs lined up for weeks from all this new music. Actually, I would say more like months at this point. So, just know that there is some real positive music coming your way in the near future. The tough part has been that until today I wasn’t sure which one I would pick first, but then it was decided for me. 

The song I picked for this week is from a band I came across a few years called Empire Of The Sun. I found this group back when I was on YouTube looking for new music. I fell in love with a few of their singles and I eventually bought their CD. Their sound seems to resinate with me. Lucky for me they have a new album coming out in June called “Ice On The Dune”. I think this new album might resinate even more with me than their last album. I say that because the first single from this new album is called “Alive” and it is right in tune with where I am right now. This song is a blast of upbeat energy and has such a huge sound that I couldn’t deny it taking over. It feels exactly how I feel these days as I shine bright and vibrate louder. So, it had to be the song that I picked for my song of the week to best represent where I am at right now.  

Let me explain exactly what I mean by that last statement of shining bright and vibrating louder. All around as a person I feel so great. On all levels I’m just so happy, positive, and healthy. I’m bursting at the seams it seems and I can’t hold on to all this wonderfulness that is exploding from my insides. There are some great things coming for me on the horizon that I can see now, but honestly  I have felt this way even before I saw anything on the horizon. This new found joy within me has nothing to do with anything else outside of myself it has to do directly with me. In this moment I feel ALIVE. It sounds so simple right? Of course you are alive or you wouldn’t be typing this blog entry, but its so much more than that. 

I realize I have spent a lot of time and energy on my blog talking about some of the tougher times in my life. Talking about those tough times is all part of my life and the healing process. I share to help myself and to anyone else who needs the support. For some of those harder times in my life I love using the phrase “not my brightest moment”. Which makes so much sense when you think about it because we are all stars that have the ability to shine bright. 

Well, this is a blog entry that is taking the time to focus on “one of my brightest moments”. So, here I am taking the time to love the fact that I’m shining so bright. The only way I can even come close to explaining what is truly happening to me is that the light and love that is me is exploding outside of myself in such a big way and the rest of my body is just following suit. This is the best way to describe how “Alive” I feel. 

Yesterday I was walking back from getting my blood drawn (really not my favorite thing to do at all) at the hospital by my house when it hit me what song I had to pick for this week’s song. On this walk back home the sun was shinning and the wind was blowing in my face. I had this song on repeat in my headphones and in this wonderful moment I just let myself absorb it. After I was fully engaged with the sound I looked at the world around me in that moment. All around me was the abundance of green that spring brings in Oregon. Then I looked to the sky to enjoy the endless blue sky that yesterday brought. I closed my eyes to feel the wind wash over my face and then I took a deep breath. If only I had wings in that moment I would have just took off. My heart was just so happy in that moment and that is how I have been for months now. That moment was so perfect I could have just taken flight with the light that was shining in me. I don’t have wings so I didn’t take off obviously, but I couldn’t stop smiling the rest of the way home. I still haven’t stopped smiling. 

I bought this single a few weeks ago on the day it came out and listen to it on repeat to absorbing it and dancing along with the energy of the song. I would imagine this song would be awesome to preform live with a stadium of people singing along with them. To feel that kind of energy would be truly amazing. Enough of my gushing about my happiness lets look at the lyrics themselves to see what else I pulled out of this song. 

Days go by my window
World slows down as it goes

(I can definitely relate. It seems the when I’m happy moments seem to slow down and I really start to appreciate them) 

Goodbye to last night
Lost love out of sight

(I take this as the letting go of one of the most toxic relationships I have ever had in my life at the beginning of this year)

Can’t you help me see? (They won’t get right)

Chorus:
Loving every minute cause you make me feel so alive
Alive
Loving every minute cause you make me feel so alive
Alive, alive, alive

(Love the chorus the most. I think of “you” being myself because I have really found so much joy within myself) 

Waking in the snow
Tracing steps with you
Swimming through the smoke
Wrapped in velvet coat
Can’t you help me see? (They won’t get right)

( I can relate because I feel like this part of me has been in hibernation and I have slowly awoken that light within me again in such a powerful way. I have definitely went through some smoke to get back out as well.)

Chorus:
Loving every minute cause you make me feel so alive, alive
Loving every minute cause you make me feel so alive, alive
Alive, alive, alive

( You feeling the energy yet? I’m absolutely enjoying & loving every minute.)

Can you describe through me
All the world that you see?

(I am trying to show you as best I can everyday I live. Its amazing here and everyone deserves this.)

I need someone, I’m just waiting on

(I don't “need” someone, but I am waiting for the right fit for myself) 

Freedom is within you
Giving makes us feel good
Hello to our people
Say hello to the future
Freedom is within you
Giving makes us feel good
Hello to our ṗeople
Say hello to the future

(Ooooh I love these lines of the song. Some very powerful messages here. Freedom is always within you. Hello. If you are reading this you are my people. Giving always makes me feel good on a level that is so great.) 

Chorus:
Loving every minute cause you make me feel so alive, alive
Loving every minute cause you make me feel so alive, alive
Alive, alive, alive
Loving every minute cause you make me feel so alive
Alive
Loving every minute cause you make me feel so alive
Alive, alive, alive

(Feel it. Become alive. Every moment is waiting for you to enjoy it.) 

You are my people and thank you for all you do for me on this journey we call life. I encourage everyone to find what makes them feel alive. This is only the beginning for I know I can go even further.... 

Can’t stop. Won’t stop. 

As always I bring this to you with love and pure D-lite. = )