Well, because today is Valentine's Day and its definitely one of my favorite holidays... *shaking head no*... I thought I would share some of my thoughts on the day made up for celebrating your love ones. This holiday for me over my lifetime I think has given me more grief than love to be quite honest. This year the days leading up to V-day I actually had a weird experience when catching up with an elementary classmate. That person had a strong connection to one of those early love life speed bumps for myself. In this conversation I was taken right back to one of my first not so great situations in my very bumpy road that is my love life. It also got me thinking very deeply about where I began with my love life and how that effects my love life today.
It was fifth grade and her name was Melissa Carmen. She wasn’t at all my first crush thats for sure. Because even at a young age I was known to have many crushes to girls that I went to school with. Melissa had dark hair and brown eyes. I think she must have been Spanish or Italian somewhere down the line in her family. She was everything that I still end up picking out when I look at women even to this day. Funny how somethings never change. Now, I don’t need to go into detail of what I did to try to connect with Melissa because frankly it was just a big mess. I was young and very foolish, but I definitely did go head over feet for her. I did many things that I wish I could have taken back. The thing about life is we can’t just go back and change things. However, we can learn from them and prevent them from happening again.
Now, why I bring the story of Melissa up is that one of her friends in elementary school at the time of my crush found out that I liked Melissa and so the torment began. Kristi Carlson is her name and she is the person that I mentioned above that recently tried to friend me on Facebook. Now, I don’t want to give the impression that I have been festering about this situation that happened over 20 years ago, but when I saw the friend request on Facebook the first thoughts that came to my mind was how she treated me when she found out that I liked Melissa. There was many notes passed. Emotions played with and laughed at. If was horrible. Kids in elementary school can be so cruel. In a way I think after that situation it was a big reason why I didn’t make any advances to women for a long time after. You know I have heard many women complain about men not being forward enough or being confident enough to ask a woman out and such. Well, situations like I had with Melissa are the reasons many of us guys get that way. I think in many ways at least for heterosexual people that women already know who they choose before any attempt is made. However, some women know how to handle the situation with more care than others. Especially if the person making advances at them is not the one of their choosing.
So, I confronted Kristi and told her what came up for me when she tried to reconnect with me recently. There was some apologies made and some forgiveness given. As I told Kristi that even though I wasn’t dwelling on this situation with Melissa my whole life her apology was nice to have and maybe on some level I was allowed to let it go. Sometimes we hold on to things we aren’t even aware of. Those things often right the code for how we operate in the bodies we have made over the years.
Oh and as a side note I actually saw Melissa about a decade ago. My friend and coworker at the time Emily was a friend of hers. When Melissa found out that Emily and I knew each other she proceeded to tell Emily of my crush and all the things that accompanied it. Lucky me. Melissa even came through the drive-thru at my work and we talked for a few minutes. That was the last time I saw here though and even though I think Emily might have thought things might go differently for us later in life this was not the case. No hard feelings and I wish her the best. Just funny how life is some times.
These are the moments I wish I could play “Where are they now” for all the people I have met in my life. I really do hope all of them are well and living the best lives that they can.
I miss the days of waking up and my mom leaving her kids Valentine's Day gifts. There is one woman that has never ruined the holiday for me at least.
I don’t need “one day” to celebrate love. I definitely don’t “need” someone else to love me. I don’t “need” a reason to listen to slow jams I just do. I buy myself chocolate all the time. I don’t need “one day” to remember how to show someone I love them. However, one day I will find someone that I can share those things with and more. To all those that are taking the day to make this holiday special good for you. Just don’t let it fizzle out tomorrow.
I want to leave you with two songs actually. The first one was a song I listen to a lot when I would think about Melissa back in the day. Oh the 90's....
The other is the first (I kid you not) song that played this morning on my itunes that is set to shuffle, but I think it sums up today for me.
As always I bring this to you with love and pure D-lite. LOVE. = )
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