Life through Music: “Colored Emotions” by Night Moves

I’m absolutely in love with music right now. I think that’s a funny statement for me to make because it’s not as though I ever fell out of love with music. I think more recently I have discovered a missing part of my connection with music. Music is connected to my very soul and I suppose as I start tapping into myself again it would only be natural that this connection would come around again. This love for music was one of the greatest gifts I got from my father. Music has played such a big part of my life from a very early age. Even more music has always moved me at a much deeper level throughout my life. As I dive deep within myself this movement brought on by music just grows that much stronger.

The great thing about having great people in your life is that they bring great music with them. I’m truly blessed with so many great people in my life because they never seem to disappoint me with what great energy they bring into my life. It's just truly amazing. There is nothing but gratitude from me to all those around me. Thank you so much.

Over the last few months there has been just a steady stream of new music that I want and will get to eventually. This is such a great problem to have so please don’t ever stop the flow of great music. I need music to make sense of my life experiences and I don’t see that ever changing.

This week's song was shown to me by one of my very good fiends David. David has tried to get me to listen to so many artists since we have become friends, but I usually forget in the craziness that is life. Luckily some of the artist he has suggested have been able to stay in my memory (usually this happens with constant reminders from him) and eventually I’m able to connect.

The band for my pick this week is called Night Moves. They are a Midwest indie rock band. Right from the beginning I fell in love with their sound. The indie rock band has in my opinion nailed the sound and feel of the 70s with a modern twist. I don’t know if I have mentioned it before, but I think that part of my soul was left back in the 70s. I just love much of the music of that generation for reasons I’m still trying to figure out. The seventies era also reminds me a lot of my parents especially my father. It was during the seventies that he was a disc jokey at a local Portland radio station called KVAN 1480. I even have some recordings of my father being a DJ during the seventies and so much of the music he chose to play on those recordings I love.

What is it that I love so much about that seventies era music? I think its the bleed over of free love of the sixties and the music technology advancements druing that decade. I think that technological advances in the music industry at the time was able to give music more depth electronically through varies effects and such. I think the 70s was just a great bridge between the music of the 60s and 80s. There was a focus on large and dance heavy sound that can be shown by the disco music of that era. I just think what I love about the seventies was just a steady groove across much of the music of that era.

You can see the resurgence of that sound and groove in much of the current music from artists like Justin Timberlake to Broken Bells to Empire of the Sun. All things come back around again as they say. Well, I’m not complaining one bit so just keep it coming. Let the groove continue and grow with the new spin that the modern era puts on it.

My song pick for the week is called “Colored Emotions” by Night Moves. It was the first song that David suggested I look into from the band. I have since listen to much more of their music and its all fantastic honestly. However, I will start with the song “Colored Emotions” because I think the song is such a good representation of where I am in my life currently.

When I walk through the park blocks of downtown this week heading to class I couldn’t help but look around and take life in. There was all sorts of emotions that run through me as I looked around. Feelings of hope, worry, loss, happiness, kindness, determination, and most of all love.

Color for me is also very connected to my emotions as well and there was much I felt as I looked at the colors around me on my walk to class. The beauty of the colors of the leaves still changing for those still on the trees around me as I walk. The wide of variety of different people around me of all walks of life wearing all sorts of different colors. The sun beaming down through the trees in front of me with a back drop of a mixture of beautiful blue sky and layers of soft small clouds.

All the while color and emotion where being combined by the sounds playing in my ears which are warm tones of guitar & bass matched with beautiful strings playing a soothing rhythm to my soul by this new found band.



Enough of my rambling! On to the lyrics!

“Colored Emotions” by Night Moves

Don’t say when it just us a colored emotions

One night but its just a colored emotions

'Cause it’s the feeling that a feeling is over when it just comes to light

Because I’m missing still missing when persuasion has comes in through the tides

Your love got me a feeling like a high I once had in the night

And it was you so in it just because of long devotion running on

I was thinking that maybe I'd take a ride out of town

Just to see a couple of friends I want to say goodbye

Yeah

Oooh oooooooh

Colored emotions running ‘round

Ooooh Oooh

I realize that this song connects more to me through the musical instruments playing than the lyrics sung. Its still a great soundtrack to add to today on this wonderful fall day. I got to keep on rolling on as those colored emotions running ‘round.

I can imagine my father listening to this on the radio station that is my life and grooving along with me. So on that note I want to end this blog post speaking as though I was introducing this song to you like the disc jokeys of old.

*clearing throat*  "Ladies and gents I got a fantastic new song coming to you from some folks out to the midwest. Something to brighten up this drab Portland day. It's got heart, it's soul, and most important its got that groove. No jiving going on here folks. I got the newest and greats from the band Night Movies called "Colored Emotions". So sit back relax and just take it all in. I hope this song adds a bit of color to this dark and rainy day in the Pacific Northwest. I hope you are taking the time to appreciate the things around you today. We can always be sucked into the negatives of this world. Lets instead look to push forward in a positive direction. Take care friends. Always giving you music to be inspired. Spreading that sound sunshine for your life by keeping it lite and keeping it positive here on D L I T E radio."

As always I bring this to you with so much and pure D-lite. = ) enjoy!

Life through music: “Bicycle race (I like to ride my bicycle)” by Queen

Of course it was the weeks around my midterms in college that I suffered some heavy blows from life/universe. I’ve had a few incidents with my bike of late that were not life threatening, but definitely enough for me to take a step back. I do think this maybe a sign that I’m really trying to do too much and I need to be careful. Maybe.

The first bicycle warning sign that I should have paid more attention to a few weeks ago was my back tire popping at the bottom of a large hill by my house that I ride down on my way to work. Even with the dangers of what could have gone wrong at the speed I was going at the time of my tire popping. I was very lucky I did not crash or hurt myself. The most that my tire popping did to my day was me frantically changing the route in which I got to work.

I fixed the tire shortly there after and resumed my riding to work, but apparently there was a few more issues that were lingering with the bike that I have had for almost a decade. When I got some time between work and school I took my bike over to a good friends house to have him help me with some of those of minor fixes my bike needed. One of those fixes was trying to stop my back tire from slipping out of place after I have locked the tire into position. This tire slipping issue isn’t a problem once I have the tire tighten down extremely tight, but because of how hard I have to tighten it down its very hard to take the tire off and on. Point is it shouldn’t be that hard to lock the tire in place.That is where my buddy comes into play because he was going to try to help that problem from happening.

My buddy made a few adjustments to the area were the tire fits on the bike frame. All that was left to do was test out the adjustments. He locked the tire in a more normal range of how it’s supposed to lock in place. I got on the bike and pedaled through his apartment parking lot. As I rode the bike around everything was going fine. Then I thought to myself as I was riding around the parking lot that the back tire won’t slip out unless I put the bike into a tougher gear and really rack down on the pedals. I think you might already know where this heading. So I put the bike into a tougher gear and really pedaled hard. Well, as you might of guessed the tire slipped out from its former locked position. Unfortunately, so did I. That’s right I went face forward over my handlebars and landed face first on the pavement. My hands and my chin took most of the brunt of the fall. In fact I would actually say that my chin took 90% of the blow from the pavement.

There I lay on the ground, on my stomach, in full bike rain gear looking down at the ground below my chin. I was looking down because there was an unusual amount of blood pooling in the cracks of the pavement below my face. My buddy who was not too far away was saying all sorts of comments that most people would say after they watch an incident like the one I just described. I know he felt bad about what just happened. I, on the other hand, felt stupid and a bit worried about the amount of blood that was already accumulating in front of my face. It took me a bit to get up off the ground and by then my buddy had pulled my bike off to the side because there was another resident of his apartment in their car trying to leave as all this happened.

After we got out of the way I left my bike with my buddy and went to address the damage to my body. Most of my body was okay, but my chin was pretty banged up. I had a hard time trying to see how bad the damage to my chin was though because I had grown out my beard quite a bit making it rather tough to see the bottom of my chin.

Before I shaved

Once the bleeding seem to have stopped I biked from my buddy’s house to my work nearby. I showed up at work and after trying to clean myself up I explained to my coworkers what happened. All the while my chin would not stop bleeding. Finally, I was able to shave my beard back some so I could see the real damage to my chin. As you can see from the picture it was a pretty deep cut. Turns out it was a deeper gash than even I thought initially. So after trying to work for an hour or so I left work to go to the urgent care. We all know that time honored adage that says, “When a wound won’t stop bleeding then something ain’t right.”

After I shaved my beard back

Two hours and five stitches later I was at a loss on what to say about another crazy situation life threw at me. Quite frankly all I was doing at that point was laughing a lot about it. Mind you it was frustrating as all get out to me, but I couldn’t help laugh about it. As I recapped in my own head or when telling others what happened I couldn’t help but laugh hard about it. Not just light giggles either, but that really deep laughter. That kind of laughter I was happy to have even if it did hurt my chin a little as I did it. In fact I still laugh about it quite a bit now even as I write about it.

I know my family worries about me when it comes to biking and with good reason it’s not the safest thing to do by any means. However, it’s actually something that I really truly love to do and is a very important part of who I am. I will not put the bike down nor will I stop biking because I’m fearful of what has happened or what will happen. Instead I will continue to bike with the intent to keep trying to do things I can to make my rides as safe as I can.

I’m sad to say that my bike troubles didn’t end there. The day after I got my stitches out of my chin from the accident I mentioned above I crashed again. I actually crashed right at that spot where my back bike tire had popped a few weeks before all of this happened. Is it a coincidence? I don’t know, but I ain’t going out like that. I will take some time to heal for sure and then go from there.

The bike that I have now was given to me by a coworker many years ago. That bike has done much for me, but I think it might have too much bad juju on it at this point. I think it’s time to pick out a bike just for myself. I have been riding now for about a decade and why shouldn’t I spend the money on something nice for myself that I truly enjoy?

Okay okay. I know that is a lot to take in before I even started talking about the song that I wanted to mention for my pick of the week. I think at this point it should be pretty apparent why I picked this song. The song is in my mind my current anthem when it comes to how I feel about biking. The song is “Bicycle race (I like to ride my bicycle)” by none other than the band Queen. Most of why I picked this song is because the chorus because it’s just so fitting, but lets go to the lyrics anyways.

Lyrics:

“Bicycle Race (I Like to Ride My Bicycle)” by Queen

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like

(YES I DO!)

You say black I say white
You say bark I say bite
You say shark I say hey man
Jaws was never my scene
And I don't like Star Wars

You say Rolls I say Royce
You say God give me a choice
You say Lord I say Christ
I don't believe in Peter Pan
Frankenstein or Superman
All I wanna do is

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my

Bicycle races are coming your way
So forget all your duties oh yeah!
Fat bottomed girls they'll be riding today
So look out for those beauties oh yeah

On your marks get set go

Bicycle race bicycle race bicycle race
Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle
(I want a)
Bicycle race

You say coke I say caine
You say John I say Wayne
Hot dog I say cool it man
I don't wanna be the President of America

You say smile I say cheese
Cartier I say please
Income tax I say Jesus
I don't wanna be a candidate
For Vietnam or Watergate
'Cause all I want to do is

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle, bicycle (c'mon), bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like

I really think the chorus is the only part of this song that I really connect to for this song of the week. That being said its a very strong connection to the idea that I just want to ride my bike universe so just let me.

I have been thought enough the last few years and I won’t let this get me down. I’m still sore and beat up today, but I overall so very feel good. Even more I feel happy. The happiest I have been in a very long time and I’m not willing to let that go. No life, I’m not asking you to keep throwing tough things at me to deal with, but if you do I will continue to adapt and to keep moving on up. I will not be denied.

I truly hope you are finding ways to keep things positive in your own life and please do what you love while being careful to not hurt yourself. I believe in you.

As always I bring this to you with so much love and pure D-lite. = )

 

life Through Music: "Man I Use to Be" by K-OS

Alrighty! Back at it again. This song that has been playing in my head recently over the last few months. I heard this song many times over the last two and half years. Unfortunately with the death of my mother there was also the death of another person. That person was the man I use to be.

Many people that I know have heard me say that right before my mother’s death I truly was the best that I had ever been as a human being. Her death derailed me in the worse way possible as I have already discussed in other blog entries. What I want to talk about more in this post is the fact of what a death of someone really close to you can truly do to the person that you are.

I keep saying I want so bad to get back to that place in which I was before my mother died, but guess what? You can’t. The bad news is that the person that I was will never exist because my life is not the same as it was. The death of my mother was the marking of the beginning to a big chapter in my life in which now I'm parent-less. God willing most of you won’t know this feeling until you are much older.

I have no parents to lean on when I need them. I no longer have the cheerleaders that parents can be in your life always. Family time during the holiday season gets very different from it was in the past. There is no longer that unconditional love in the real world now that they have both passed on. It’s the struggle to figure out a new relationship with those people now that they are in a different form. Instead of saying goodbye its trying to find a new way to say hello.

Over the last two and half years I have had struggled with my attempts to get back to that happy, healthy, and truly loving life person that I was prior to my mother’s death. It’s really been such an up and down battle. At one moment I would make such progress and then the next I would be set back quite a few steps.

What has finally helped me make more progress in the right direction is one big revelation about how I must live now. What I have come to really embrace is that statement above that the person that I have been chasing is unattainable. What I have done instead is focused on what I felt at that time before my mother’s death and try to duplicate the parts of myself that I loved in the new lens from who I am now to who I’m becoming.

What are some of those things? Well, having a purpose to get out of bed every morning is a great start. The ability to truly seeing the world around me from the little things to the extremely large things. To acknowledge the ugliness and the beauty that is life. To be truly thankful for my life. To appreciate what I have and work towards things that I need, want, and dream of that will truly add to my life. To really pay attention to what I chose to have in my life and let go of things that no longer serve me. What is more important is giving more energy to what adds to my life. TO FEEL GOOD IN MY BODY. That one is so very important to me and prior to my mother’s death it had become such a part of the person that I am. My parents death’s have really made the idea of do the things that you want to do because life is so short. The abilities to find the positives in all possibilities life gives us. These are some of the ideals that I hold on to these days as I move closer and closer to getting back to the man I am.

So the song of the week is that of one of my favorite hip hop artist mostly for his ealier body of music. The song that I picked is “Man I Use to Be” by K-OS (which stands for Knowledge Of Self) from his second album titled “Joyful Rebellion.” Most of my connection to this song is from the lyric from the title & chorus which is “Man I use to be”, but lets go to the lyrics anyway and see what we can find.

“Man I Use to Be” by K-OS

 
I tried it, I couldn't find it
Now I just want to get back to me
Awe baby, hoo hoo
Back into the man I used to be


(I did try and continue to try.)

Things that I said I wouldn't do, I did 'em
Secrets below the service of truth I hid 'em

(I have been very lost over the last few years and so I tried many things to try to help. Many things I said I wouldn’t do.)


This mankind is past, but can he erase
The tears of a million years is human race
Of animals, that taught to walk upright
Then slave all day and fall in a trance at night
Flowing the planet, trying to find missing links
Like the men we used to be and always suppose to think
Mysteries, maybe not
It's getting hot, we better configure the plot, but
I hold a pen with the grip so tight
That' a squeeze the ink out'ta the page, and write a song for the people
Came up from the underground, now I write above on a hovercraft sound
This microphone, like an amphetamine
Keeping me clean, speaking in dreams
So nature can intervene, just for a scene


(The days when I use to write in this blog more often help me so much to remain me.)

I walk the long path alone, my feet hurt
Lost some friends along the way, I did dirt
I went to church, I tried everything
From leaving my body, to watching the birds sing
For hours, so I could feel heavenly powers
Had been across the universe and inside of flowers
But what is it worth, I'm still just a man on the earth

(I’m not alone, but I have walked much of my path alone trying many things. I haven’t lost some friends, but the fiends I have now do change. I looked inside and outside myself, but in the end I’m just a man.)


Rappers are acting like man tan
Can I be candid, I can't stand it
Rap bandit, got Kheaven acting frantic
I want to swing my sword decapitate
But what is a man if he acts like an ape
So I sit back, planning my great escape
Load up my EPS and peruse my record crate
The man I used to be, I can only see by looking beyond me
So what is reality, I don't know

I walk the long path alone, my feet hurt
Lost some friends along the way, I did dirt
I went to church, I tried everything
From leaving my body, to watching the birds sing
For hours, so I could feel heavenly powers
Had been across the universe and inside of flowers
But what is it worth, I'm still just a man on the earth
Rappers are acting like man tan
Can I be candid, I can't stand it
Rap bandit, got Kheaven acting frantic
I want to swing my sword decapitate
But what is a man if he acts like an ape
So I sit back, planning my great escape
Load up my EPS and peruse my record crate
The man I used to be, I can only see by looking beyond me
So what is reality, I don't know


Oops, wrong song, stop it stop it
You know what
I woke up in the morning
I took a trip to the corner store
That's when I heard my calling
But I'd never heard the voice of truth before
So I kept on walking
Pretended I didn't see
Walked by a window and my reflection said to me
You could try all the same
But you'll never know this mystery
There's no pile on your plane
So you're not the man you used to be
Try all the game, but you'll never know this mystery
When your pile has no plane
Said you're the man you used to be seen

(I love this part of the song. At the end of the song it goes into Kevin (K-os) singin over an acoustic guistar. You can try all the same [of trying to be the person I was],but you’ll never know this mystery [life])

 
Holla and ya holla, you folla you fall
Ya holler and ya holla, you folla you fall
Ya holler and ya holla, you folla you fall
Ya holler and ya holla, you folla you fall
Ya holler and ya holla, you folla you fall
Ya holler and ya holla, you folla you fall
Yo, microphones get ripped holding us back
K dash rocking it out, rocking the cold style
Making it up, go along singing my song
Woke up, in the early morn didn't know what was going on
Whatever, I don't really know
Flows like an immaculate goat what up, whatever

One step and one day at a time I find my way to where I must go now and who I shall become. Slowly I get in touch with my inner self. Slowly I get reconnected to this body I’m lucky enough to have on my trip through life. I make more progress on building new dreams, new views, and new ways of being me. It is in my opinion the highest work that a person can do while on the planet. 

I hope you are doing the same for yourself and hope life is going well. 

As always I bring this to you with much love and pure D-lite. = )

Life Through Music: "Turn It Around" by The Head and The Heart

September 25th of 2016 is coming to a close and this is my last day of freedom for a long while. It is this moment in my life that I choose to start again. It’s been so long that most of 2016 has come and went at this point. Crazy how fast the year can go by. The good news is that I have really been doing things instead of writing. As important as writing is to me I made a conscious decision going into this year that I was going to go out into the world with more gusto than I have had over the last few years. I planned on doing things that I love to do that make me, me. On top of that I made an effort to try some new things as well in efforts to shake things up and explore new doorways with new possibilities. This effort was most predominantly shown during my summer break from school. So many of the entries that come after this entry will most likely come from that period of the year. So on that note lets get started!

There is so much music I have heard both new and old since the year began that I want to share with my readers. This collection of music has been swirling around in my head for too long so it’s time to get some of it out of my head and into my blog. The song that I picked for this week is from a band that is definitely in heavy rotation during the fall months for myself especially. There is something about this band's warm and heartfelt music that makes my autumns lovely. I usually pick their song called “Winter’s Song” as my song to usher in the season of fall. This time I’m going with a song that is much more up beat and gives me a boost of inspiration. Now who doesn’t want to get inspired right?

This week’s song is called “Turn It Around” by The Head and The Heart. This song is from their newest album called Signs Of Light that came out earlier this month. I spent much time previewing the album before I bought it, but the song "Turn It Around" really made me buy the album. It is just one of those songs that fits right into where I am right now. It also has that vibe to help me move forward in the positive direction I have been. I have played this song many times since I got it and as loud as I can when I do. If you have ever felt like you have gone too far in the wrong direction please don’t ever give up. Let’s turn it around.

Lyrics:

"Turn It Around"

Stand proud, stand strong
And allow the love and help that comes along
You know the richest man didn't build his house alone
The greatest lessons I learned, I learned right here at home

You know the feeling I'm talking about
Every woman and man without a doubt
You're down but not out

You can turn it around, turn it around
There's nobody blocking your way, taking you down
And if you think that you're lost, you can follow the bridges you've crossed
And then you'll be found

Stand proud, stand strong
And allow the love and help that comes along
You know without your love the light divides alone
Lessons I learned right here at home

You know the feeling I'm talking about
Every woman and man without a doubt
You're down but not out

You can turn it around, turn it around
There's nobody blocking your way, taking you down
And if you think that you're lost, you can follow the bridges you've crossed
And then you'll be found

You know the feeling I'm talking about
Every woman and man's been down and out
But you can turn it around
You can turn it around
You can turn it around
You can turn it around

Yeah you can turn it around, turn it around
There's nobody blocking your way, taking you down
And if you think that you're lost, you can follow the bridges you've crossed
And if you think that you have lost all the version of feeling you saw
Just turn it around
You can turn it around
You can turn it around
You can turn it around

I think the words of the song say it all and so I felt no need to interject my own commentary into the lyrics for it all means so much to me currently. I myself have made much progress from the many set backs of late, but I still need to keep pushing forward. So join me and stand all, stand proud as we turn it all around.

Summer technically ended few days ago, but today is truly my last day of summer before I start up school again tomorrow. And oh what a summer day it was. I truly couldn't have asked for a better summer day. I spent it in the company of one of my best friends and his family. There was even a walk at dusk with my best friend and his youngest son that I won't soon forget. Life is a a crazy thing sometimes both with it's ups and downs.

As always I bring this to you with much love and pure D-lite. Take good care of yourselves. =) 

Life Through Music: “Last Hope” by Paramore

I have been trying to get myself to sit down and write this entry for a while now. I guess I have been spending my time out doing things instead of sitting here in front of my computer writing about my own pity party. That being said the time has come to open up and move forward. As always I will move through it with words because there is some importance to what I have to say about these last few years in my life. So take a moment and let’s reflect together because I know I'm not the only one who has been here. 

We have all been there haven’t we? Things like getting you’re heart smashed, losing a job, losing a loved one, some good old family drama, or a million other things that life throws at you that knock you off course or puts you in the dumps.

Well, the end of last year was a wonderful mixture of a few things that dragged me down quite a bit. So much so that in a weird sort of way made me hit bottom and got me to step up to make some changes to pull me out of a nasty funk that had lasted far too long. Even in the darkest of times can we become so much more.

I reached out and got the help I needed from the people that love me so dearly. This support came in big things and little things throughout the last few months. Sometimes even the littlest things can give you so much. Maybe a quick hug or words exchanged can truly turn the tides in even the toughest of times. I want to take this moment to say thank you to all of you that help me stand up and be my better self even in the darkest of times. Thank you.

So back around the beginning of this year I ask others on Facebook for songs that really help pick themselves up when they need it. There was many great responses and songs that I have yet to check out. I did however get some songs that I really needed by asking this question. The person that hit the mark was of course someone that knows me well and we are so similar in how we deal with life’s trails and tribulations. I’m talking about my brother Justin. He shared with me two songs that he had used for himself to pull himself up. This is just one of the many reasons that I love him so.

“These two shall fly like brothers.”

In this entry I’m only going to talk about one of the two songs he brought to my attention. The song that I’m referring to I listened to everyday during the month of January and pretty much February as well. I would usually listen to it once or twice before I went to sleep or when I first woke up in the morning.This continued even through March and into April as well. This song gave me that hope each day that things will get better if you just don’t lose all hope.

The song that I’m talking about is by the band Paramore called “Last Hope.” The first version I heard was the live version that my brother showed me on youtube. It is the very same version that I’m going to post on this entry. In my opinion the live version is better than the album version of the song although I enjoy and listen to both quite a bit. Let’s go to the lyrics and see what spoke out to me.

"Last Hope" by Paramore

I don't even know myself at all
I thought I would be happy by now
The more I try to push it
I realize – gotta let go of control

(I was taking control of many parts of my life that I needed to, but I was letting go of many things that I had no control over.)

Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
So let it happen

(And it doesn’t happen overnight you have to just let it happen.)

It's just a spark
But it's enough to keep me going
And when it's dark out, no one's around
It keeps glowing

(That light within myself had gotten very dim over the last few years, but this song reminded me that it was there and sometimes that’s enough.)

Every night I try my best to dream
Tomorrow makes it better

(Each day gives chance to move forward in a positive direction.)

Then I wake up to the cold reality
And not a thing is changed

(It will happen on some days where you feel like nothing is changing, but it is you that needs to let it happen. Patients, it doesn’t happen overnight.)

But it will happen

(It will.)

 
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen

(Yes we do.)

It's just a spark
But it's enough to keep me going
And when it's dark out, no one's around
It keeps glowing

It's just a spark
But it's enough to keep me going
And when it's dark out, no one's around
It keeps glowing

And the salt in my wounds isn't burning anymore than it used to
It's not that I don't feel the pain, it's just I'm not afraid of hurting anymore

(At some point you will often realize that the pain hasn’t gone, but it’s not getting any worse. It will become more bearable to handle. Now you start to heal and move forward.)

And the blood in these veins isn't pumping any less than it ever has
And that's the hope I have, the only thing I know that's keeping me alive

(You are alive. You are bigger than this. Whatever it was that has been keeping you down has hurt you, but it won’t kill you or keep you down any longer.)

Alive

Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen

Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen

It's just a spark
But it's enough to keep me going
(So if I let go of control now, I can be strong)
And when it's dark out, no one's around
It keeps glowing

It's just a spark
But it's enough to keep me going
(So if I keep my eyes closed, with the blind hope)
And when it's dark out, no one's around
It keeps glowing

Ahhh
Ahhh
Ahhh
Ahhh

Ohhh
Ohhh

Hold on to the light within yourself no matter how dark it gets. It will get better, but it starts with believing in yourself and finding the love that is within us all. Hold that light.

It’s only been a few months since I hit my last bottom, but I can say with certainty that I feel I have turned the corner in a big way and it has gotten so much better because I let it happen. As I start to rebuild myself and even grow new parts of myself in the process I’m also in the process of being open to the endless possibilities of what I can be going forward. There is lot of change coming to my life and I’m trying a new tactic of embracing the changes like I have never done before. Who knows how great life can be in the future. I don’t know for sure either, I do know that I got to let it happen though. *wink*

As always I send this to you with so much love and pure D-lite. = )

2015 in review. Life through Music: "The Adventure" by Angels and Airwaves

2015 Looking back...

So it’s the last day of 2015 and I always like to look back to evaluate the year as a whole. The last few weeks in particular I have been feeling a great amount of growth within myself. I also feel that there is a great many things ahead of me, but to usher in those things in I must first look at what I must let go of to make room for the new things. I don’t make New Year’s resolutions anymore. Instead I like to map out some guidelines and intentions for the coming year.

To explain it more clearly I feel like what I imagine it must be like for an astronaut that is walking to the launch platform before he leaves the planet. On this walk I need to think about all of what I’m leaving behind and what I’m not taking with me as I prepare to launch into 2016 with full force.

I can easily say that 2015 was a much better year than 2014, but maybe that was way too easy to do. There still was too much bleed over from 2014 into 2015. I do feel though as I come out of the fog that has been my life for so long. Now with an uncluttered and focused mind I’m heading into 2016 with the intention that it will be a much better year. I would like to point out that I said the same thing going into 2014 and not even a month in it went down the shitter with the death of my mother. This time though with the knowledge that I have now to help prevent myself from slipping into a deep hole I should actually be able to help create a better year for myself. If nothing else preventing another year like 2014 from happening ever again if I can help it.

It’s been a very long time since I have picked a song of the week or a song at all on my blog. So I would like to connect this idea of walking to the launch platform as I get ready to take flight towards 2016 and a song that really helps fuel me when I’m about to head to the next level with myself. The song that I’m picking is a song that I have picked before that helped me open myself up to life back in 2008. It was a song that start a new and exciting adventure for myself. The song is called “The Adventure” by Angels and Airwaves. Even from the imagery in the video itself you can see why I connected this song to my current place in life.





Let’s go to the lyrics:

"The Adventure" by Angels and Airwaves

I wanna have the same last dream again
The one where I wake up and I'm alive
Just as the four walls close me within
My eyes are open up with pure sunlight

I'm the first to know my dearest friends
Even if your hope has burned with time
Anything that's dead shall be regrown
And your vicious pain, your warning sign
You will be fine

Hey oh, here I am
And here we go life's waiting to begin

Any type of love it will be shown
Like every single tree reach for the sky
If you're gonna fall I'll let you know
That I will pick you up like you for I

I felt this thing I can't replace
When everyone was working for this goal
Where all the children left without a trace
Only to come back as pure as gold

To recite this all

Hey oh, here I am
And here we go life's waiting to begin tonight
Hey oh, here I am
And here we go life's waiting to begin tonight
Hey oh, here I am
And here we go life's waiting to begin

I cannot live I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me
I cannot live I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me

I cannot live I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me
I cannot live I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me

I cannot live I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me
I cannot live I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me

Hey oh, here I am
(Do this with me)
Here we go life's waiting to begin
(Do this with me)
Hey oh, here I am
(Do this with me)
Here we go life's waiting to begin
Life's waiting to begin

So lets see what are some things that I’m not going to take with me...

I have spent much of the year shedding myself of things that no longer serve me. My sister and I have purged lots of stuff physically as well as mentally over the last two years.

I won’t take with me my old focus on sports from the past. I have already dropped to a much lower level than I had most of my life when it comes to sports. Sports is far from a priority for me these days. I just have more important things to do with my time. So unless watching a sporting event that is helping me to bond with my friends than it doesn’t matter much.

I won’t be taking my excessive spending on video games with me into the next year. I have already stopped putting too much money into video games. When I do buy games I’m much more particular about what games I buy. This is mainly because in all the things I have to do in my day to day video games are very low on the totem pole. I even stopped buying single player games almost exclusively because I just don’t play them. If and when I get a chance to play video games I usually like playing multiplayer games in efforts to hangout with my friends and share the experience.

I won’t be taking with me emotionally unavailable women that I have dated in the past. That has got to change. I won’t go into the details about this year’s past relationships. However, I will say that I have realized my mistakes. I will now start to listen to myself instead of trusting in the other people to tell me what is going on in a relationship when clearly it was not what they said it was. Where I’m going I don’t need that kind of woman. I will continue to be even more upfront with the women I meet in the future. I’m looking for much more.

I won’t be taking with me my bad eating habits or my self medicating through with food into the new year either. As I fell into that pit I was in for a while I did much self medicating through food to cope with the heaviness that is life. After my mother’s death I had no other way to numb myself because I don’t drink or do drugs. This made it really hard to check out when I couldn’t handle life on an emotional level. I have already started myself in a better direction with food as I have awoken from my daze.

I won’t take with me a very stagnate life style that had become my life over the last two years. I need movement in my life so much because it helps me on so many levels. It helps me keep serious focus on maintaining my health goals. Things like exercise helps me stay mentally healthy and fights off negative things like depression. Movement for me just plain makes me feel good so I must always get some of that.

I won’t take with me the negative attitude that I have carried around lately. I have to admit that the last few years I have been a real downer. I want to take the time to apologize to you right now if you were ever a victim of this at any point. Trust me I’m starting to be more positive and will continue to work on being more of an upper going forward.

I won’t take with me the lack of focus on self-care in my life as I was under a dark cloud. Self-care had become such a big part of my life over the last decade and it was amazing how easily it slipped out of my grasp as I got depressed.

I won’t take with me that negative thoughts and blame towards myself that I have carried with me much of my life. Not all of what has happened to me has been my fault or the result of me not being worthy of greater things. I deserve nice things and I am so worthy of so much more than I have given myself a chance to experience.

Now for what I will take with me into this new year....

I will pack with me my positivity towards others and life in general. This had become such a proud part of who I am as I have grown into the wonderful person that is me. Trying to find the positives to ever situation in life had become so second nature that when I got really down it was harder to remember how to do it when forcing it. This is definitely starting to resurface and you know this true because if it wasn’t there again I wouldn’t be writing this blog entry for starters.

I will take with me the love that I have for myself that helps me achieve more personal growth within myself. I cannot stress enough how important it is to love ourselves above all else. Without love for ourselves we cannot be the light for others. I love myself for you and you love yourself for me. Love is always the answer.

I will take with me the light that shines for myself and others. Not only did I love shining so bright for myself, but sharing that light with others. By holding the light for others you can help them see the light within themselves. Spread love like wildfire.

I will take my dreams with me as I go forward. I will continue to dream big dreams and help myself manifest those dreams to be. No one has the right to stop you from dreaming. That includes yourself as well. We are our own biggest barriers in life.

I will take with me my high sense of compassion and empathy in this world. This is something that we all need more of in this tough thing called life. If we could do more of seeing the world through other people’s eyes then we can do more to make the world a better place.

I will take with me my strong desire to help others. This is my soul purpose in life. Helping others gives me the most value out of life. It is what warms my heart and fuels my fire.

I will take with me my own vulnerability as I go beyond my own self. As hard as it is to be vulnerable in today’s world it has helped my personal growth so much to do so. To understand that I don’t know everything, to admit my mistakes, to ask for help when I don’t know how to do something, to just be honest and open. It sounds a lot easier in theory I know, but trust me it can reap many benefits if you allow it.

10...

9...

8...

7...

6...

5..

4..

3..

2

1

Well, that is most of the big things that I can think of right now. I’m sure more will surface as the year goes forward. Then again next New Year’s Eve I will start the process over again. I encourage you to do the same thing for yourself in what ever form serves you. I would stay clear of calling them resolutions or goals though. Instead I would encourage you to look at them as “intentions” because it’s not about just hitting a check point it’s about making long term changes that stick.

I’m not going to put 2015 in the bad year bin, but I will definitely look at it more as a transition year. There was definitely some bright spots that happened in 2015 so it wasn’t all bad, but I think 2016 can be so much better. So raise a glass and lets make a toast to greater things for all of us in 2016 and beyond. Cheers!

As always I bring this to you with so much love and pure D-Lite. = )

2015 D-LITE: THE FORCE AWAKENS

It’s been awhile. It feels so weird to be in front of my computer again with the sole purpose of writing for myself and yet it feels normal to get back at it. I can’t even remember when the last blog entry was made, but I know it’s been a long time.

The lack of entries from me of course is not without me making efforts to do so over the last few years. Every time I tried to make an entry it just didn’t feel right or even worse I didn’t like what I wrote down. I have really been struggling to find the light that carried me for so long. I truly lost sight of my purpose in writing over the recent years and that is definitely not a good thing for me. This lack of purpose carried over to many other parts of my life as well. There has been much grayness in my life over the past few years.

 What happened that got me to fall away from all that made me shine bright and so in love with life? Those are very good questions to ask. In fact I have been asking them to myself over and over for a long time. I have been desperately searching for that answer for too long. The answer as it turns out was in a thought that I had been ruminating on for the last two years.

See I kept thinking back to the time right before my mother died in January of 2014. I looked back and remembered how well I was doing in all parts of my life. Today I even found some hand written thoughts about myself that reflect where I was with in regards to myself back then. It was so amazing how great I felt physically, mentally, and spiritually. Seriously people I can remember walking to the transit center one night and having a very powerful moment with myself. A moment where I stopped and pause to recognize how well I felt on all levels of my life. It was truly amazing and I will never forget that moment. It is the piece of myself that I held onto that would lead me back to myself.

As it turns out the thing that shattered that great part of myself was when a week after that wonderful moment with myself my mother passed away unexpectedly. It rocked me so hard and changed my life forever. Looking back now I see how much it really did affect me. As great as I was feeling with myself I was not prepared to handle something like my mother leaving my life. I remember while I was at the hospital that night after she died I posting on my Facebook status something that basically said that I realized that the light I had found within myself had gone out with the death of my mother. I also said I knew that one day it would return again and stronger than it was before she died. At that time I had no idea how much her death would change me or let alone when the light would return.

Well, after much struggle over the last two years I’m starting to see that light again. Unfortunately to have this awakening I had to hit a bottom with it all to finally ask for real help to get out of the pit I fell into. I’m so thankful that I reached out and asked for help because it has made all the difference. I’m so very lucky to have such great people in my life that help me be my best self.

Finding this light again is a very exciting accomplishment to me because I can finally get back on the path that I was on before I was knocked so far off course. I’m so excited to feel open and free again after living under a rock for so long. I have purpose again and I’m excited to see where the light within myself will lead me to now. Where can I go from here? What can I create? What is possible?

The hardest part of discovering this light again is that I just want to jump back to where I was before my mother’s death, but it’s not that simple. I just want to GO! GO! GO! Well, not so fast Derrick. I have to have patients and much focus to get me there again. The great part is that I’m starting a new chapter that is separate from the chapter that sent me to new heights, but this new chapter is with just as much possibility if not more.

This is it for now, but there is much more that is on the way. I just wanted to get something up to tell the world that I’m back and I’m ready for the next level. Thank you for your patients and I will talk to you very soon.

As always I bring this to you with so much love and pure D-Lite. = )