2015 in review. Life through Music: "The Adventure" by Angels and Airwaves

2015 Looking back...

So it’s the last day of 2015 and I always like to look back to evaluate the year as a whole. The last few weeks in particular I have been feeling a great amount of growth within myself. I also feel that there is a great many things ahead of me, but to usher in those things in I must first look at what I must let go of to make room for the new things. I don’t make New Year’s resolutions anymore. Instead I like to map out some guidelines and intentions for the coming year.

To explain it more clearly I feel like what I imagine it must be like for an astronaut that is walking to the launch platform before he leaves the planet. On this walk I need to think about all of what I’m leaving behind and what I’m not taking with me as I prepare to launch into 2016 with full force.

I can easily say that 2015 was a much better year than 2014, but maybe that was way too easy to do. There still was too much bleed over from 2014 into 2015. I do feel though as I come out of the fog that has been my life for so long. Now with an uncluttered and focused mind I’m heading into 2016 with the intention that it will be a much better year. I would like to point out that I said the same thing going into 2014 and not even a month in it went down the shitter with the death of my mother. This time though with the knowledge that I have now to help prevent myself from slipping into a deep hole I should actually be able to help create a better year for myself. If nothing else preventing another year like 2014 from happening ever again if I can help it.

It’s been a very long time since I have picked a song of the week or a song at all on my blog. So I would like to connect this idea of walking to the launch platform as I get ready to take flight towards 2016 and a song that really helps fuel me when I’m about to head to the next level with myself. The song that I’m picking is a song that I have picked before that helped me open myself up to life back in 2008. It was a song that start a new and exciting adventure for myself. The song is called “The Adventure” by Angels and Airwaves. Even from the imagery in the video itself you can see why I connected this song to my current place in life.





Let’s go to the lyrics:

"The Adventure" by Angels and Airwaves

I wanna have the same last dream again
The one where I wake up and I'm alive
Just as the four walls close me within
My eyes are open up with pure sunlight

I'm the first to know my dearest friends
Even if your hope has burned with time
Anything that's dead shall be regrown
And your vicious pain, your warning sign
You will be fine

Hey oh, here I am
And here we go life's waiting to begin

Any type of love it will be shown
Like every single tree reach for the sky
If you're gonna fall I'll let you know
That I will pick you up like you for I

I felt this thing I can't replace
When everyone was working for this goal
Where all the children left without a trace
Only to come back as pure as gold

To recite this all

Hey oh, here I am
And here we go life's waiting to begin tonight
Hey oh, here I am
And here we go life's waiting to begin tonight
Hey oh, here I am
And here we go life's waiting to begin

I cannot live I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me
I cannot live I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me

I cannot live I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me
I cannot live I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me

I cannot live I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me
I cannot live I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me

Hey oh, here I am
(Do this with me)
Here we go life's waiting to begin
(Do this with me)
Hey oh, here I am
(Do this with me)
Here we go life's waiting to begin
Life's waiting to begin

So lets see what are some things that I’m not going to take with me...

I have spent much of the year shedding myself of things that no longer serve me. My sister and I have purged lots of stuff physically as well as mentally over the last two years.

I won’t take with me my old focus on sports from the past. I have already dropped to a much lower level than I had most of my life when it comes to sports. Sports is far from a priority for me these days. I just have more important things to do with my time. So unless watching a sporting event that is helping me to bond with my friends than it doesn’t matter much.

I won’t be taking my excessive spending on video games with me into the next year. I have already stopped putting too much money into video games. When I do buy games I’m much more particular about what games I buy. This is mainly because in all the things I have to do in my day to day video games are very low on the totem pole. I even stopped buying single player games almost exclusively because I just don’t play them. If and when I get a chance to play video games I usually like playing multiplayer games in efforts to hangout with my friends and share the experience.

I won’t be taking with me emotionally unavailable women that I have dated in the past. That has got to change. I won’t go into the details about this year’s past relationships. However, I will say that I have realized my mistakes. I will now start to listen to myself instead of trusting in the other people to tell me what is going on in a relationship when clearly it was not what they said it was. Where I’m going I don’t need that kind of woman. I will continue to be even more upfront with the women I meet in the future. I’m looking for much more.

I won’t be taking with me my bad eating habits or my self medicating through with food into the new year either. As I fell into that pit I was in for a while I did much self medicating through food to cope with the heaviness that is life. After my mother’s death I had no other way to numb myself because I don’t drink or do drugs. This made it really hard to check out when I couldn’t handle life on an emotional level. I have already started myself in a better direction with food as I have awoken from my daze.

I won’t take with me a very stagnate life style that had become my life over the last two years. I need movement in my life so much because it helps me on so many levels. It helps me keep serious focus on maintaining my health goals. Things like exercise helps me stay mentally healthy and fights off negative things like depression. Movement for me just plain makes me feel good so I must always get some of that.

I won’t take with me the negative attitude that I have carried around lately. I have to admit that the last few years I have been a real downer. I want to take the time to apologize to you right now if you were ever a victim of this at any point. Trust me I’m starting to be more positive and will continue to work on being more of an upper going forward.

I won’t take with me the lack of focus on self-care in my life as I was under a dark cloud. Self-care had become such a big part of my life over the last decade and it was amazing how easily it slipped out of my grasp as I got depressed.

I won’t take with me that negative thoughts and blame towards myself that I have carried with me much of my life. Not all of what has happened to me has been my fault or the result of me not being worthy of greater things. I deserve nice things and I am so worthy of so much more than I have given myself a chance to experience.

Now for what I will take with me into this new year....

I will pack with me my positivity towards others and life in general. This had become such a proud part of who I am as I have grown into the wonderful person that is me. Trying to find the positives to ever situation in life had become so second nature that when I got really down it was harder to remember how to do it when forcing it. This is definitely starting to resurface and you know this true because if it wasn’t there again I wouldn’t be writing this blog entry for starters.

I will take with me the love that I have for myself that helps me achieve more personal growth within myself. I cannot stress enough how important it is to love ourselves above all else. Without love for ourselves we cannot be the light for others. I love myself for you and you love yourself for me. Love is always the answer.

I will take with me the light that shines for myself and others. Not only did I love shining so bright for myself, but sharing that light with others. By holding the light for others you can help them see the light within themselves. Spread love like wildfire.

I will take my dreams with me as I go forward. I will continue to dream big dreams and help myself manifest those dreams to be. No one has the right to stop you from dreaming. That includes yourself as well. We are our own biggest barriers in life.

I will take with me my high sense of compassion and empathy in this world. This is something that we all need more of in this tough thing called life. If we could do more of seeing the world through other people’s eyes then we can do more to make the world a better place.

I will take with me my strong desire to help others. This is my soul purpose in life. Helping others gives me the most value out of life. It is what warms my heart and fuels my fire.

I will take with me my own vulnerability as I go beyond my own self. As hard as it is to be vulnerable in today’s world it has helped my personal growth so much to do so. To understand that I don’t know everything, to admit my mistakes, to ask for help when I don’t know how to do something, to just be honest and open. It sounds a lot easier in theory I know, but trust me it can reap many benefits if you allow it.

10...

9...

8...

7...

6...

5..

4..

3..

2

1

Well, that is most of the big things that I can think of right now. I’m sure more will surface as the year goes forward. Then again next New Year’s Eve I will start the process over again. I encourage you to do the same thing for yourself in what ever form serves you. I would stay clear of calling them resolutions or goals though. Instead I would encourage you to look at them as “intentions” because it’s not about just hitting a check point it’s about making long term changes that stick.

I’m not going to put 2015 in the bad year bin, but I will definitely look at it more as a transition year. There was definitely some bright spots that happened in 2015 so it wasn’t all bad, but I think 2016 can be so much better. So raise a glass and lets make a toast to greater things for all of us in 2016 and beyond. Cheers!

As always I bring this to you with so much love and pure D-Lite. = )

2015 D-LITE: THE FORCE AWAKENS

It’s been awhile. It feels so weird to be in front of my computer again with the sole purpose of writing for myself and yet it feels normal to get back at it. I can’t even remember when the last blog entry was made, but I know it’s been a long time.

The lack of entries from me of course is not without me making efforts to do so over the last few years. Every time I tried to make an entry it just didn’t feel right or even worse I didn’t like what I wrote down. I have really been struggling to find the light that carried me for so long. I truly lost sight of my purpose in writing over the recent years and that is definitely not a good thing for me. This lack of purpose carried over to many other parts of my life as well. There has been much grayness in my life over the past few years.

 What happened that got me to fall away from all that made me shine bright and so in love with life? Those are very good questions to ask. In fact I have been asking them to myself over and over for a long time. I have been desperately searching for that answer for too long. The answer as it turns out was in a thought that I had been ruminating on for the last two years.

See I kept thinking back to the time right before my mother died in January of 2014. I looked back and remembered how well I was doing in all parts of my life. Today I even found some hand written thoughts about myself that reflect where I was with in regards to myself back then. It was so amazing how great I felt physically, mentally, and spiritually. Seriously people I can remember walking to the transit center one night and having a very powerful moment with myself. A moment where I stopped and pause to recognize how well I felt on all levels of my life. It was truly amazing and I will never forget that moment. It is the piece of myself that I held onto that would lead me back to myself.

As it turns out the thing that shattered that great part of myself was when a week after that wonderful moment with myself my mother passed away unexpectedly. It rocked me so hard and changed my life forever. Looking back now I see how much it really did affect me. As great as I was feeling with myself I was not prepared to handle something like my mother leaving my life. I remember while I was at the hospital that night after she died I posting on my Facebook status something that basically said that I realized that the light I had found within myself had gone out with the death of my mother. I also said I knew that one day it would return again and stronger than it was before she died. At that time I had no idea how much her death would change me or let alone when the light would return.

Well, after much struggle over the last two years I’m starting to see that light again. Unfortunately to have this awakening I had to hit a bottom with it all to finally ask for real help to get out of the pit I fell into. I’m so thankful that I reached out and asked for help because it has made all the difference. I’m so very lucky to have such great people in my life that help me be my best self.

Finding this light again is a very exciting accomplishment to me because I can finally get back on the path that I was on before I was knocked so far off course. I’m so excited to feel open and free again after living under a rock for so long. I have purpose again and I’m excited to see where the light within myself will lead me to now. Where can I go from here? What can I create? What is possible?

The hardest part of discovering this light again is that I just want to jump back to where I was before my mother’s death, but it’s not that simple. I just want to GO! GO! GO! Well, not so fast Derrick. I have to have patients and much focus to get me there again. The great part is that I’m starting a new chapter that is separate from the chapter that sent me to new heights, but this new chapter is with just as much possibility if not more.

This is it for now, but there is much more that is on the way. I just wanted to get something up to tell the world that I’m back and I’m ready for the next level. Thank you for your patients and I will talk to you very soon.

As always I bring this to you with so much love and pure D-Lite. = )

Life Through Music:”Paralyzed” by Angels and Airwaves

Before I get into the entry I wrote for New Year's Eve I have to add a bit of back story that happen before I was able to post it. The added information is that on my bike ride to work New Year's Eve day I hit a very large ice patch on the road and took a nasty spill. Lucky for myself it could have been much much worse. I got quite a few bruises and scratches from the crash, but remained mostly intact. I did however hit my thumb during the crash in a way that fracture it. So for the last week I have had a splint on my arm that had made my life very restrictive. Hence the reason I didn't post this entry till now.

So when I talk below of my disgust towards the year 2014 it will make more sense knowing that on the very last day of that horrible year, 2014 took one more jab at me on its way out the door. I will not give in though. 2015 will be a better year come hell or high water. Now on to the regularly scheduled program. = )

*Gives 2014 a good long stare down and says* “I have tried all year to like you and although there was moments throughout the year that were good, overall you suck and I’m done with you. 

I have already stressed my dislike for 2014 on many occasion, but this will be my last hurrah on the subject before I move on to 2015. 

I remember quite vividly how much I wanted to make 2014 such a great year. I was in such a great place with myself at the beginning of last year and so ready to take on 2014 in a big way. Looking back I remember how good I felt about all parts of my life even up to the week before my mother died. I remember expressing much of that feeling even in the blog entry I wrote a week before my mother died. 

Instead 2014 was a year of much loss and heartbreak for myself. I mean the FIRST month into the new year and I lose one of the biggest parts of my life when I lost my mother. Talk about one way to really throw everything out of synch.

I can tell you from my experience grief is a nasty thing because there is no telling what it will do to your life and or where it will take you emotionally. In many ways you are paralyzed to do anything about it and you just have to move through it. It’s like being on a roller coaster that you have no idea when you will slow down or even if it will ever get off of it. That is what 2014 has been for me. This year has been a very paralyzing and crippling year for myself especially when referring to my health progress. 

My mother’s death stopped me dead in my tracks and derailed me in the true sense of the word. I haven’t really felt like myself this whole year. I have been way off track with everything that I was doing so great with prior to my mom’s death. It’s been so hard for someone who needs to push forward to allow something else( in this case grief) to take the wheel and control where I go in my life. Someone who thrives on making progress. Instead grief has been directing my life much to my dismay. 

All year I have felt like I have been trying to get back to those tracks that I got derailed from at the beginning of last year. All efforts to do so have made minimal impact. It has only been in the last week or so that I have even really started to feel like myself again and that gives me the much needed strength to push forward to reclaim more of me. 

I myself have spent 2014 paralyzed which is all part of the process when dealing with grief. I’m starting to see more light at the end of the tunnel. The song I picked for this blog entry is from one of the most influential bands of the last ten years of my life. The band is called Angels and Airwaves. This band helped me through much of the grief that surrounded my fathers death as well. They also helped me push forward and find a person within myself that at the time I didn’t even know was there.

The specific song that I chose by this band to connect to my reflection of 2014 is called “Paralyzed” by Angels and Airwaves. It comes off their latest album that was released in December. It was the first single released for the album and to be honest it took awhile to really connect to me. As I have been reflecting over the last week of the year tying to think of how I think of this year as a whole it started to make a lot of sense. So lets go to the lyrics.

“Paralyzed” by Angels and Airwaves

I wake to a fire in the day

A little lion safe and sound

It's a wild life, so wild, crazy

Cannot tame the crowd

Like beast in the hole, you're MIA

A little hell, you're gonna pay

You're whole at home, a telephone

The king that's here to say

Sleep and awaking to life, for a hell of a ride

Sleep and awaking to life, with your hands at your side, paralyzed

Paralyzed, paralyzed, paralyzed

(I think the chorus is what I connect to the most because it really says it all when it comes to dealing with grief. The feelings of being helpless and paralyzed.)

Out cold in the gentle rain, it's dark

A little lying set your fire

Push away and go, the stereo

A tear ruled death to part

19 with a wicked MRE

What a waste, a memory

Got a steady heart, you played your part

And now get down to the sea

Sleep and awaking to life, for a hell of a ride

Sleep and awaking to life, with your hands at your side

It's more the same, a silly old shame

A dimly lit road, it will wither and go

I climb the light post, illuminate the road

For miles away, so safely on your way

(I will find that light within myself that I lost sight of and light the road that I now take to a different and new destination.) 

Sleep and awaking to life, for a hell of a ride

Sleep and awaking to life, with your hands at your side

(One of the most powerful things that death and grief can remind you of is that we are here to live life to the fullest. That life is short and precious. It reminds us what the really important things are in life.)

Sleep and awaking to life, for a hell of a ride

Sleep and awaking to life, with your hands at your side, paralyzed

Paralyzed, paralyzed, paralyzed.

As I move into 2015 I will try again to start the year with such great hopes and aspirations. I won’t give up and I will try my best to make this new year the best that I can. It has to get better right? 

I wish you all the best this coming year whether or not you had a great year or bad year like myself. Life can be really rough and truly amazing. It’s up to us to make sure we make the most of it all. 

As always I send this to you with so much love and pure D-lite. = )

BONUS: I thought I would share the text message that my mother sent my siblings and myself last New Years Eve after the ball dropped. It goes as follows:

“HAPPY WISHES FOR THE NEW YEAR MY CURTAIN CLIMBERS! LOVE U ALL! : D”

LOVE

Life Through Music: “Christmas Without You” by Onerepublic

It’s gone. 

That’s right I have lost my Christmas spirit. For someone that has always loved this time of year very much I never thought it was possible, but it happened. Unfortunately the reason for this has to do with the loss of the one person that instilled my Christmas spirit. I’m of course talking about my mother who is no longer here on this earth with us anymore. She loved this time of year so much I couldn’t help but follow in her footsteps since she was the guiding light that built a great love for Christmas. Much has changed this year. My love for Christmas was so much until now. 

It only makes sense that my mother would love this time of year because essentially it’s a season of giving to others. My mother was the best example I had in my life that showed me the joys of giving to others.That is still one of my favorite things about my mother that I love so much. She love the whole process of giving gifts. From trying to figure out the right present for each person to the reaction of the person when receiving the gift. Last Christmas I think she did the best she ever did with giving presents to everyone that was present at our last Christmas. It was almost as if she new it was going to be her last Christmas. It’s just amazes me when I look back at just how much she loved giving.  She just loved giving with or without money. She always gave more than she had and with so much love. 

This is the first Christmas season without my mother and to be quite frank its ruined everything for me as far as getting into the holiday spirit. I just can’t do it without her and it kills me to say that. It’s true that as you get older Christmas loses much of it’s magic and Christmas has been very different for me for a long time. I have, however, taken the time over the years to try to make it my own again. Losing my mother has been so much more difficult than any obstacle that I have ever encountered when that spirit will ever be back.

I didn’t just give up on getting swept away by the holiday season coming into this Christmas season. I have definitely made efforts to spark that Christmas spirit and all attempts have failed. I have been enjoying Christmas music (which the rest of the world hates), but I’m definitely not enjoying it like I have in years past. I want to enjoy it, but I just can’t.

It hasn’t just been me that has tried to spark the spirit within myself because lots of great people in my life have done very nice things for me, but with the same result. I really do have many good people in my life. I’m so lucky for their love, but I’m sorry it's just not enough. It's a shame too because over the last few years my family had some really great Christmases. I just have to except that this is what Christmas is for me "right now" without my mother who is my true Christmas spirit. This is not to say that it can never come back or that it’s dead forever, but for now the search begins to find a new light within myself. 

I actually have a song that goes with this feeling that I have about the loss of my mother and my Christmas spirit. This is a song that I heard last year and really fell in love with it. It was for a different reason last year that I connected to this song. This year this song has a much more powerful meaning to me that brings me to tears when I listen to it and really let my heart feel it. The song is called “Christmas Without You” by Onerepublic. This is definitely not a happy go lucky Christmas song. It’s definitely a representation of the sadder part of the holiday season. I cannot deny the impact on me when listening to it so lets go to the lyrics.

"Christmas Without You"

start of lyrics It's almost midnight, where you lay your head

But I'm calling numbers, buying plane tickets and bed

Every channel on the TV, it's a wonderful life

I don't feel so wonderful on this cold winter night

(I know the feeling and I dislike these cold winter nights.)

I missed Thanksgiving, missed a birthday or two

Didn't make St. Valentines, but I was thinking of you

Only one thing in the world, I couldn't do

Only one thing could kill me, Christmas without you

(I don’t want to have Christmas without you...)

Ooh, the snow is on the ground

The day's getting colder, I'm coming home now

So go ahead light the fire, turn that Christmas tree on

Cause I've been missing you so much I wrote you this song

Yes, I did

(I miss you so much I wrote this blog...)

I missed Thanksgiving, missed a birthday or two

Didn't make St. Valentines, but I was thinking of you

Only one thing in the world, I couldn't do

Only one thing could kill me, Christmas without you

Only one thing in the world, I couldn't do

Only one thing could kill me, Christmas without you

(Each and every other holiday and event has been so different without you...)

Oh, the presents wrapped, and 'Jingle Bells' on the radio

I'm turning down the street, there's no place I'd rather go

Every holiday, oh, you feel the same

Except for the ones when I'm with you

(Everything is in place, but it won’t feel the same without you. I don't know that I ever will.)

I missed Thanksgiving, I missed a birthday or two

I didn't make St. Valentines, but I was thinking of you

Only one thing in the world, that I couldn't do

There's only one thing that kills me, Christmas without you end of lyrics

(Christmas without you.)

So, I’m sorry if I’m a bit of a downer lately and if I retract myself from the holiday season or just life in general. This is how it has to be for me for now. Thank you for all the love that each one of you have shown me over this tough year because it hasn’t gone unnoticed. I have needed every single ounce of extra love because my mothers love is hard to replace. Thank you for your patients and support. I have great people in my life that give me many great reasons to be her in this life.

For now I’m trapped in a bad Hallmark Christmas movie without a happy ending...

As always I send this to you with so much love and pure D-lite. = )

Life Through Music-"Hedegraad" Featuring Lukas Grahan (Happy Home)

The holiday season always makes me think of the idea of home. For me home is that place that you hold as your space in this world. This above all things has always been very important to me. A place that no matter the world that is going on around you it’s that space that you hold that you can be yourself in the center of this craziness we call life. 

Home has always been a focus for me for as long as I can remember. Life is a very crazy thing that is always throwing something new at you because it’s rapidly changing. The only way that I have been able to deal with life’s changes all these years is having a stable place that I can center myself. This importance of a happy home has become more relevant to me as I have gotten older and especially now that I’m without both of my parents. They say that home is where your heart is and my heart has become the most important thing that I have in this world. Therefore, home has just as much importance in my life as I move forward. 

I was lucky as a child growing up because I always had a stable place I called home. It wasn’t always easy or perfect, but my mother worked hard to maintain a stable home as much as possible. When I look back I remember a wonderful home that I was a part of. When I was old enough to move out of my mother’s home and out into the world I took many of the things that I had learned growing up to instill that same greatness in my own space. 

In the time that I have live on my own I have been very fortunate to have had only two roommates. I have escaped all the horror stories I have heard of what it’s like when a situation with a roommate can go bad. My first roommate was my older sister that I have always had a strong connection with throughout my life. After our first round of living together we took quite a few years living apart from each other before we decided to move in together again. This time around I’m even more thankful than I was the first time that we lived together. Life is quite a bit different for both of us than it was when we last lived together. This time around we have helped to recenter and support each other. This kind of stability has been much needed for us both during this tough year of 2014.

I know I have mentioned it before, but to be more direct 2014 for me has been a shit storm of bad things that have happened in my life. Truthfully I can’t wait for this year to be over. 

Don’t get me wrong there has been some great moments and events that have been sprinkled throughout this year that have made life more tolerable. One of those wonderful moments came over the summer when I moved back in with my sister. In fact moving back in with my sister went so well it kind of scared both of us. Like we were still looking over our shoulders waiting for something to go wrong. So far the second time around living with each other is going great. Well, other than me eating to much of certain foods of my sisters on occasion and my struggle to get my sister to unload the dishwasher more than she does currently because she despises unloading the dishwasher. Overall though I couldn’t be more happy with the place that I currently call home. 

The song I picked to accompany this topic of home is a song that a good friend send me a while ago and probably thought I forgot all about it. Well, I didn’t forget about it. Sometimes it just takes me a little while to come around to getting to it. I love when others share music with me and especially when those songs hit the right note that strikes an emotion within myself. The song is called “Hedegaard”(Happy Home) featuring Lukas Graham. Lukas Graham is a Danish musical group consisting of Lukas Graham Forchhammer (vocals), Mark Falgren (drums), Magnus Larsson (bass) and Kasper Daugaard (keyboard). You read it right. LOOK OUT! Derrick Heine is now going international with my music selections. The version I first heard was the one that I will post on this entry right above the lyrics. I love this version of the song because there is such an uplifting big sound that the song holds and the live version helps build on that feeling. Really the song speaks for it’s self so lets go to the lyrics. 

Happy Home

Mama called about the paper turns out they wrote about me

Now my broken heart´s the only thing that's broke about me

(I have had much heart break this year for sure.)

So many people should have seen what we got going on

I only wanna put my heart and my life in songs

(Well, not in songs, but I do put a lot into these blog entries.)

Writing about the pain I felt with my daddy gone

(Yeah I definitely do. Some you have seen and some you haven’t.)

About the emptiness I felt when I sat alone

(Yes, I know this well.)Thankfully it’s not as often as it use to be.

About the happiness I feel when I sing it loud

(Yes, when I really let the music push that what’s in me out into the world I feel amazing. I do this mostly when others are not around though.)

He should have heard the noise we made with the happy crowd

Did my grandaddy know he taught me what a poem was

How you can use a sentence or just a simple pause

(We talked about this a lot in my public speaking class. How important and powerful a pause can be.)

What will I say when my kids ask me who my daddy was

I thought about it for a while and I'm at a loss

(I think about this a lot and I too am at a loss much of the time. Not just with my father, but my mother now as well.)

Knowing that I´m gonna live my whole life without him

I found out a lot of things I never knew about him

(I know I couldn’t have had them forever, but both left my life too early. It’s sad how much more I learned about them after they passed away.)

All I know is that I´ll never really be alone

Cause we gotta lot of love and a happy home

(Because of things that both my parents instilled in me I will always work hard to keep a happy home.)

Magazines are writing stuff but I don´t ever read them

Some of the folks I used to know would see and start believing

That I would pass them by on streets and never reach to greet them

I still remember folks even though I rarely meet them

Don´t you know I miss the times when we used to hang

(I think about those that have come in and out of my life more than I share. I reminisce about both current people in my life and people of the past people that have touched my life. I really hope they all are doing so well.)

Before twenty deep depended on a single man

Before a single heart was broken by a single blow

(This is how I have always been even before my heart was broken with “two” heavy blows to my heart.)

Before all our careers depended on a single show

I grew up with a lot of love in a happy home

(Yes, I did.)

Now I got a lot of cash and I'm on a road

I realize privacy´s becoming difficult

It´s all right now but what about when I´m old

I know my good friends now they´ll last

the same ones that stood by me when my daddy past

(I really have such a great core of friends and they continue to grow. This was proven to me very blatantly when each one of my parents passed on. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Great friendship is one of the greatest gifts in life.)

All I know is that we´ll never really be alone

Cause we got a lot of love and a happy home

I write a lot of songs will anybody ever read them

(I will never be alone that I know. I do hope my words written transcend both time and space.)

You hear them on the radio but will you really read them

Why do we have our idols and why do we wanna be them

After we see them on TV we really wanna meet them

Don´t you think they miss the time when they used to hang

Before a fan base depended on a single man

Before a single heart was broken by a single show

Who´s gonna stand who´s gonna fall I really wanna know

(Some people come and some people go.)

I grew up with a lot of love in a happy home

My daddy use to play me vinyl but now daddy´s gone

(Yes, he did and it was one of the greatest things I loved about my father. I truly think he was the best version of himself when he was behind the turntable doing what he loved the most. Thank you for sharing that with me dad.)

I used to practice with my mommy on the piano

I still get nervous every time I know she´s at a show

Now my family comes first before everyone

I had the perfect dad I wanna be the perfect son

(Both my mother and my father did their best to be as good of a parent as they could or knew how to. I think I turned out pretty well so I can’t complain. I try my best to be the best son and person that I can be.)

Though I really feel sometimes I am on my own

I know I got a lot of love and a happy home

So, my message to you this holiday season is as you make your way through the craziness that is the holidays please make sure you take the time to appreciate what it is that makes the core or the home of your life. This is important for many reasons, but especially because you never know how life will change your life in a heartbeat. I love you all and I hope you are taking excellent care of yourselves.

As always I send this to you with so much love and pure D-lite. = )

Life Through Music: “The Winter Song” by The Head and The Heart

It’s been long enough now that I should break the silence that is me in the fall. I need to get some of my thoughts out of my head. It’s been tough to find the right words lately because I’m experiencing such a range of emotions. During the autumn I always find myself going inward and very self reflective. I guess it makes sense to do this since we are in the final days of the year of 2014. Oh and what a weird year it has been for me at least, I can’t speak for you. It is true that life does not really care about the time frames that we put on life such as these things called “years”. For me having years is a good way to manage keeping things fresh for myself. Every year is a clean slate to do what you will with it. Well, the last few months have given me much to think about when it comes to how this year has gone. What things I like about this year and what things I want to do differently for next year. Those things will come out over time in my writings I’m sure. For now lets get to some music that has helped me through this process of late. 

I believe I may have picked this song before in years passed. I should probably pick it at some point because it just embodies the feeling I have right now and always during the fall months of each year. The song that I’m picking is a song by one of my favorite bands The Head and The Heart and it is called “The Winter Song”. It’s a song that invokes such melancholy for myself. Such sweet harmonies that carry such a simple song of reflection and a bit of hope for the future as well. Lets get to the lyrics.

"Winter Song"

Tell me somethin', give me hope for the night

We don't know how we feel

We're just prayin' that we're doin' this right

Though that's not the way it seems

(Life can be rough and hard to understand just how we feel at times. Sometimes you just have to hope that you are doing things to the best of your ability and let the rest fall into place.)

Summer gone, now winter's on its way

I will miss the days we had

The days we had

I will miss the days we had

The days we had

Oh, I'll miss the days we had

(Yes, summer is finally gone here in the Pacific northwest and I will miss the days we had for sure. I will miss many days I had with those that are no longer here as well.)

Loving, leaving, it's too late for this now

Such esteem for each has gone

Has time driven our season away?

Cause that's the way it seems

In the world of the speech that is new

(Life is full of love and leaving. It’s up to us to make the most of the time we have. The times we have.)

I'll be back again to stay

Again to stay

I'll be back again to stay

Again to stay

I'll be back again to stay

( And so the cycle continues. One ending is just the beginning of another. This year will end soon and a new one will begin.)

One of my favorite things about the band The Head and The Heart is that there music seems so down to earth. There harmonies are so fun to sing along with and I do often. This song I picked in particular is one that my sister and I love to sing along with when we are together. 

I hope that you are enjoying the season and taking the time to enjoy the little & big things that pass by so quickly. 

As always I bring this to you with so much love and pure D-lite. = )