Life Through Music: “Sunshine on My Shoulder”

Picture taken by Kelly Seaton 2/15/2013

The song that I chose for this week is by the one and only John Denver called "Sunshine on My Shoulder". I found it very fitting to explain how yesterday made me feel with that wonderful burst of sunshine. 

Wow. I mean really what a wonderful day in February we had yesterday. Well, I’m speaking for all of my friends here in the Pacific Northwest that is. It really was just a perfect day full of sunshine that was so good for my soul. Looking out the window this morning you would never have know that we even had such a beautiful day yesterday. It’s coming though people I swear it. I can feel spring in my bones. To help speed up the process though earlier this week I bought an early birthday present for myself. What I bought for myself was plane tickets to Arizona to see my cousin Jason in March during spring break. Last year I went to visit him in February. It was only in the Mid 60’s while I was there, but the sun shined everyday and it was awesome. I don’t need sunshine every day, but some good solid amounts of sunshine during these dark dreary days in winter help me. Sunshine helps me hold the light until the world starts anew in what we know as spring. I hope everyone that lives in the NW got a chance to take a moment and soak it in. I cannot speak for the rest of the world, but here in the Portland metro area it was a little slice of heaven. I even wore shorts to work to celebrate the sunshine. I have been having some rough patches in my life as I continue to work through things. Yesterday was a wonderful break from all of that hard emotional stuff that I have been sorting through and with some “Sunshine on My Shoulders” it really helped cap off a week of some serious healing. Thank you universe. I hope you all are doing well and making your spring/summer plans because before you know it will be upon us. 

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy 

Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry 

Sunshine on the water looks so lovely 

Sunshine almost always makes me high 

If I had a day that I could give you 

I'd give to you a day just like today 

If I had a song that I could sing for you 

I'd sing a song to make you feel this way 

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy 

Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry 

Sunshine on the water looks so lovely 

Sunshine almost always makes me high 

If I had a tale that I could tell you 

I'd tell a tale sure to make you smile 

If I had a wish that I could wish for you 

I'd make a wish for sunshine all the while 

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy 

Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry 

Sunshine on the water looks so lovely 

Sunshine almost always makes me high 

Sunshine almost all the time makes me high 

Sunshine almost always

If I had a day to give you or a wish to make it would definitely be full of sunshine. Be well and take care of yourself. LOVE. 

Picture taken by Kelly Seaton 2/15/2013

As always I bring this to you with love and pure D-lite. = )

Her name was...

Well, because today is Valentine's Day and its definitely one of my favorite holidays... *shaking head no*... I thought I would share some of my thoughts on the day made up for celebrating your love ones. This holiday for me over my lifetime I think has given me more grief than love to be quite honest. This year the days leading up to V-day I actually had a weird experience when catching up with an elementary classmate. That person had a strong connection to one of those early love life speed bumps for myself. In this conversation I was taken right back to one of my first not so great situations in my very bumpy road that is my love life. It also got me thinking very deeply about where I began with my love life and how that effects my love life today. 

It was fifth grade and her name was Melissa Carmen. She wasn’t at all my first crush thats for sure. Because even at a young age I was known to have many crushes to girls that I went to school with. Melissa had dark hair and brown eyes. I think she must have been Spanish or Italian somewhere down the line in her family. She was everything that I still end up picking out when I look at women even to this day. Funny how somethings never change. Now, I don’t need to go into detail of what I did to try to connect with Melissa because frankly it was just a big mess. I was young and very foolish, but I definitely did go head over feet for her. I did many things that I wish I could have taken back. The thing about life is we can’t just go back and change things. However, we can learn from them and prevent them from happening again. 

Now, why I bring the story of Melissa up is that one of her friends in elementary school at the time of my crush found out that I liked Melissa and so the torment began. Kristi Carlson is her name and she is the person that I mentioned above that recently tried to friend me on Facebook. Now, I don’t want to give the impression that I have been festering about this situation that happened over 20 years ago, but when I saw the friend request on Facebook the first thoughts that came to my mind was how she treated me when she found out that I liked Melissa. There was many notes passed. Emotions played with and laughed at. If was horrible. Kids in elementary school can be so cruel. In a way I think after that situation it was a big reason why I didn’t make any advances to women for a long time after. You know I have heard many women complain about men not being forward enough or being confident enough to ask a woman out and such. Well, situations like I had with Melissa are the reasons many of us guys get that way. I think in many ways at least for heterosexual people that women already know who they choose before any attempt is made. However, some women know how to handle the situation with more care than others. Especially if the person making advances at them is not the one of their choosing. 

So, I confronted Kristi and told her what came up for me when she tried to reconnect with me recently. There was some apologies made and some forgiveness given. As I told Kristi that even though I wasn’t dwelling on this situation with Melissa my whole life her apology was nice to have and maybe on some level I was allowed to let it go. Sometimes we hold on to things we aren’t even aware of. Those things often right the code for how we operate in the bodies we have made over the years. 

Oh and as a side note I actually saw Melissa about a decade ago. My friend and coworker at the time Emily was a friend of hers. When Melissa found out that Emily and I knew each other she proceeded to tell Emily of my crush and all the things that accompanied it. Lucky me. Melissa even came through the drive-thru at my work and we talked for a few minutes. That was the last time I saw here though and even though I think Emily might have thought things might go differently for us later in life this was not the case. No hard feelings and I wish her the best. Just funny how life is some times. 

These are the moments I wish I could play “Where are they now” for all the people I have met in my life. I really do hope all of them are well and living the best lives that they can. 

I miss the days of waking up and my mom leaving her kids Valentine's Day gifts. There is one woman that has never ruined the holiday for me at least. 

I don’t need “one day” to celebrate love. I definitely don’t “need” someone else to love me. I don’t “need” a reason to listen to slow jams I just do. I buy myself chocolate all the time. I don’t need “one day” to remember how to show someone I love them. However, one day I will find someone that I can share those things with and more. To all those that are taking the day to make this holiday special good for you. Just don’t let it fizzle out tomorrow. 

I want to leave you with two songs actually. The first one was a song I listen to a lot when I would think about Melissa back in the day. Oh the 90's....

The other is the first (I kid you not) song that played this morning on my itunes that is set to shuffle, but I think it sums up today for me. 

As always I bring this to you with love and pure D-lite. LOVE. = )

Life Through Music: Below my feet..

I have made it through another week of work and so it is time to pick a song for this week. I picked this song “Below My Feet” by Mumford & Sons for my song of the week because I think it has a good connection to where I am with myself currently. 

With 2013 as my fresh start I’m beginning to gain my ground again. What I mean by that is I’m doing the things I need to be doing to help make a better me. I’m eating well, I’m back to being active, and I'm sleeping regularly. All of these things are so very important to getting anywhere with myself. However we are always changing and learning so these simple things can be often left by the wayside. The chorus in this song speaks to me about being grounded when in talks about “keeping the ground below my feet”  and “let me learn from where I have been”. Those two phrases resinate with me a lot. In life it is easy to get caught up and pushed around by all that goes on in life. It's always important to ground yourself as much as possible. When grounded we can focus our energy where it needs to be. For me right now that energy is focused on me. 

Other lyrics I like a lot from this song are “And now I sleep/Sleep the hours and that I can't weep/When all I knew was steeped in blackened holes/I was lost”. That means something to me because I was definitely lost over last year. These days though I’m definitely in motion forward in a way that is very healthy and I’m excited to be back on track. The lyric “Just give me time” speaks to me as well because time is all I need to heal the wounds of the past. 

You were cold as the blood through your bones

And the light which led us from our chosen homes

Well I was lost

And now I sleep

Sleep the hours and that I can't weep

When all I knew was steeped in blackened holes

I was lost

Keep the earth below my feet

For all my sweat, my blood runs weak

Let me learn from where I have been

Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn

Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn

And I was still

I was under your spell

When I was told by Jesus all was well

So all must be well

Just give me time

You know your desires and mine

So wrap my flesh in ivy and in twine

For I must be well

Keep the earth below my feet

For all my sweat, my blood runs weak

Let me learn from where I have been

Oh keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn

Oh keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn

Keep the earth below my feet

For all my sweat, my blood runs weak

Let me learn from where I have been

Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn

Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn

Forward. On ward. I can do this. “Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn” and my heart to love, and my head to learn. Here’s to not making the same mistakes and time to bring something new. I hope you are well and getting ready for spring...trust me it is coming. Here's to brighter days. 

As always I bring this to you with love and pure D-lite. LOVE. = )

It’s more than just a game to me...

February 3rd 2013, is the date set for the forty-seventh Superbowl in the National Football League. This year one of the two teams competing for the Lombardi Trophy is the team I have followed since I was introduced to football about 25 years ago. That team is the San Francisco 49ers. As a kid I couldn’t deny what Joe Montana and Bill Walsh were doing to change the way the game of football was being played. It was that up tempo West Coast offense that I loved. I was too young to remember more than the big names that graced the rosters of the teams of late 80’s, but my loyalty never wavered starting a bond that I still have today.

When I was going into my teenage years in the early 90’s I was old enough to start paying more attention to the finer details of being a dedicated fan. Things like knowing some of the more lesser know names on the roster. The early 90’s for the 49ers were the days of Steve Young as their quarterback. Steve like Joe brought many new things to the game of football. I think it started with him being a left handed quarterback, but also his ability to scramble outside of the pocket. Sure he wasn’t the first one to do this, but it definitely became a part of his skill set. I will never forget how awesome Steve Young was on the reverse play. He was always out in front blocking guys like he was just one of the offensive lineman. He gave you this feeling that he did whatever it took to win and he never put himself above anyone on the team. It was very sad that his career was cut short by head injuries and concussion problems. He did however win a Superbowl in 1994 with a dominant performance. I have no doubt that if he did not retire the 49ers would have had a few more Lombardi Trophies to add to the collection.  

So, through the late 80’s and into the early 90’s I was the only one I new who liked the Niners. I spent all of my time watching each game on the TV or listening to them on the radio. I never had anyone else with me during these times to help cheer them on. It wasn’t till I met my good friend Justin Jones in English class during my junior year of high school. We became friends very fast and still have a strong friendship with each other to this day. On top of the outstanding guy he is, he is also a 49er fan. From about 1998 we have shared this bond of our love of the 49er franchise. Finally, I had someone to connect with regarding the niners. Recently Justin even passed down to me his old Steve Young Jersey so we could both have on 49er jerseys for game days. I was truly honored by this gift. We have endured some good years and promising years. We also have experienced some not so good years. Through and through our loyalty to the niners has never wavered.  

18 years it took the 49ers to get back to the Superbowl. I was there with them all 18 years and more. With those 18 years I have gained much wisdom and realized a few things. As we get older it gets harder to make time for being with our friends. Some get married, have kids, or move away. Sometimes all of those things combined. Watching football on Sundays for me is about enjoying the game itself, and also about spending time with my friends. Time spent watching football is bonding time that I do cherish.  

It’s an amazing thing to follow along with your team as they make their journey to the ultimate prize. You kind of feel like you are a part of their journey in a way. It was awesome to receive many great text messages from my friends after the niners beat the Falcons in the NFC title game. Especially since last year the niners fell short and many of those same people sat in shock after last years NFC title game. My brother has joined the ranks of the 49er faithful over the last few years and it’s wonderful to have him with us as well. My friend Shauna is also a niners fan a long with her mother. Also, my new gamer friend Chad is a fan of the niners too. Through Facebook I have found some other 49er fans as well when posting 49er stuff on my page. My grandma has always been supportive of those 49ers as well and I remember her always putting the games on TV whenever I would visit her on Sundays. I now work with quite a few people who are 49er fans as well. It’s so awesome to have a community that all has one common bond. As each one of my co-workers/49er fans left the building yesterday they stopped by to share a moment before they parted. We would ask questions like: “Where are you were going to watch the game?” “What are your thoughts on how the game will play out?”. These and other questions have been asked many times over the course of the two week wait for the Superbowl. As I was saying my goodbyes to my coworker Al (who has loved the niners far more years than I have) we gave each other a hug and set our focus on the prize. This is why we watch and follow our team all year during the football season. This is why we endure every moment of our team’s journey. It’s the connection between us fans that I love so much. That connection with each other combined with every person on the 49er roster. That is why I love football.  

I also must mention that it's been so awesome to see the fans of old and the fans of the future come out during our run through the playoffs. I work at a grocery store and so I see both kinds of fans in the customers that come into my store. Living in Oregon you get a mix of fans because we don't have a team ourselves. I have seen many older gentleman wearing hats from the early 90's era. I saw a fan with a Gore jersey on yesterday and although her jersey looked brand new she said she has been a fan since the 70's when she had season tickets. I also saw a young kid with a 49er hoody on during the dinner rush last night and I made sure to say hi. My coworker David who works in the beer and wine department at my work has pulled his early 90's 49er hat out and has worn it all through the playoffs. It's awesome to share this moment with fellow fans. That moment where you look at them and you smile both knowing why it is that you're smiling without saying a word. Now is the time and today we will find out the answer to the questions Jim Harbaugh has been asking since he became the new coach of the 49ers. "Who's got it better than us?!?!"

So come what may with the game this Superbowl Sunday of 2013 I’m very proud of the team that the niners have made over the years. I also think it is the beginning of more good things to come for the years ahead. For the current Superbowl to be played today I just ask for the game to be a clean game and for the niners to give it their all for four quarters because this is the final game of the year whether you win or lose.  

With all that being said I would love to add another Lombardi trophy to the collection.... Game on.

 As always I bring this to you with love and pure D-lite. = )

Life Through Music: “Bust a Move” by Young MC

Music messages come to me in so many different ways. This week’s song came to me when I was in my Health & Personal Fitness for Life class. This class is one of two classes that I’m taking for winter term. Part of this health class is online and the other half (the lab portion) is in the GYM building of PCC. This music message came to me early morning when I was with my class working out in the weight room. We had just started getting into the flow of doing a circuit of the different weight machines with stationary bikes in between each machine. I’m sweating my heine off trying this new kind of workout and at the same time loving the new challenge. Then the teacher turns on the stereo and blasts the music pretty damn loud. I wasn’t bothered one bit by how loud it was. I love music when working out. Music really helps distract me and push me forward through my workouts. The music she put on was a mixture of up beat pop songs for the most part, but then I was thrown off by a song I hadn’t heard in quite some time. That song is of course “Bust a Move” by Young MC. It took me right back to rocking my Young MC cassette tape in my Walkman. That’s right I said it a CASSETTE tape. I am really that old. I actually listen to Young MC’s tape quite a bit back in the day. I even remember where it was that I found out about Young MC in the first place. Once a month in my music class in elementary school we would get a “free day”. My music teacher Mr. Stevens would let us bring in anything that we wanted to share with the class. So basically we would just spend that day in music class listening to all sorts of different kinds of music. Looking back now it was so awesome that he did that. I’m not sure the same thing would go over very well now days. Anyway, I cannot for the life of me remember who brought in the cassette tape of Young MC, but I’m so glad they did. The song that was picked to be played in our "free day" was a song called “principles office” which is a lesser know song by him, but it was enough to catch my attention. I was instantly hooked by the sweet jazzy sounds and hip hop beats mixed together that was just too much to deny my ears.  

So, now you know a bit of history with this song and myself. Now I will talk about why I picked this song to be my song of the week. I picked this song because it gave me the pick me up I needed as I was pushing myself to take it to the next level with my physical activity. For most of the last year I have done a good job at maintaining where I am with my body physically. This is important to know how to maintain where you are at, but I have been getting very frustrated with just leveling off. I want to go further. With 2012 in the past and all the tough work I have done with myself emotionally behind me as well, 2013 presented me with a fresh start.  So, I signed up for this Health & Personal Fitness class to kind of spring board myself back into motion. It has definitely done that and more. So, to get where I want to be with myself is less about “talking the talk” and more about “walking the walk”. Now it’s time to do the work. So the Lyric “Come on Fatso, just bust a move” really stands out to me. People can praise my accomplishments of how far that I have already come with myself, but that is all in the past. My story is NOT finished. I will not sit around using the fact that I already lost 150 lbs till the end of time. The time is now and I can’t wait to see what this chapter has to offer me. 

Some other parts of the lyrics that I connected with are:

The girl in the chorus says, “You want it, You got it”. 

This also speaks to me because I do want it and I’m going to get it. 

“You're on a mission and your wishin'”

Yes, I am on a mission and it’s more than wishing

“Someone could cure your lonely condition

Lookin' for love in all the wrong places”

Yes, it’s time to go inward and find more of the love I need to become more the me that I am inside this body. 

“But every dark tunnel has a light of hope”

Absolutely. 

This song is a prime example of how a song can move you in many different ways. When Young MC wrote this song I highly doubt that he was writing to inspire over weight people to lose some “lb”s. Many things in life can be taken how ever you need them to be. It's just important that you get the message. For me this song helped my new found rhythm and for that I'm always thankful. So come everybody and....

As always I bring this to you with love and pure D-lite. = )

Winter... Oh how you vex me....

I use to spend the night at my cousins house almost every weekend back in the early 2000’s. One winter morning we woke up late after a long night of gaming. We headed downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast. We both ate some cereal for breakfast and looked out the window in the kitchen at the winter day laid before us. Out this window on a clear day you would normally see Mt. Hood in all it's glory. This winter day however was not one of those days. After we had finished our cereal we both moved to the couch that was right by the window we were looking out during breakfast. As we looked out the window, leaning over the back of the couch, my cousin finally said what I think is the proper way to describe what most of winter is like in Oregon. What he said and I quote, "It's rainy....cloudy....misty... Its F@$#ing S#@%%y". Now those might be strong words for such a day, but if you have lived in the Pacific Northwest that quote is a good description of what you can expect for winters here in Oregon. In fact we still quote that phrase to this day when I talk to my cousin (who now lives in Arizona and gets plenty of sunshine) about living in Oregon. The very gray winters in Oregon were not the only reason my cousin moved to Arizona, but definitely one of the motivating factors that’s for sure. These long, gray, rainy, and cold days during the winters here in Oregon can be very taxing on the body and mind. 

I will go on the record to say that I have spent my entire 31 years in the state of Oregon. I will also say that I really do love it here. The one exception being the winters here in Oregon. Most of my life the winter months of the Pacific Northwest have always made it tough on me. It seems to me as I get older it has only gotten worse. Maybe it's because when I was a kid I was excited about Christmas and the ever-long wait for the chance of snow here in the Willamette valley. Looking back now its so funny to me how much snow seemed so exciting when you were a kid. When you get older snow becomes more of a problem. How am I going to get to work? Is it safe to ride my bike? Will my college be closed or not? These are the things grown ups have to think about. Don’t get me wrong I still like to watch snow fall, but now days when it falls I usually hope it doesn't stick. This year we haven't had much snow on the valley floor. What we have had instead is some thick fog that at times has become frozen and in turn ends up lightly dusting the ground. This was something I haven't experienced in the 31 years living in Oregon. This frozen fog as it were kind of made it seem like it had snowed and that part I was kind of ok with at least. To be honest this strange event was just perfect for me. It also made my many bike rides to work and back home very interesting. The beautiful way the frozen fog sparked in the beam of light coming from my front bike light on my ride home was a nice change of scenery. A little of the beauty without all the hassle. I'm sure many kids in school are mad about it not snowing though. I mean I loved snow days when I was younger. We even were warned recently about this massive amount of freezing rain that never came. If you have lived in the Pacific Northwest you know what it's like when it comes to winter weather.  

Lets get more specific on some of the other reasons why winter brings me down. I'm ok with winter up until January. Then when January hits it seems like forever till March. By January I miss my many pairs of shorts so badly, the presence of the sun immensely, so done with the grayness obviously, tired of being cold most definitely, and yearn for all the greenery that Oregon has to offer so desperately. I have said many times that I do not like January or February. I would probably lean more towards disliking February more. The reason being if my football team is doing well (which this year they have made it to the Superbowl!) I still have football to entertain me and distract me through January. In a way it's nice that my dad died in February because I already disliked February so it didn't ruin a month that I liked. I mean really February is made up of a fake holiday and not EVEN 30 days in the month. There really just isn’t much to like about these two winter months for me anyway. Lets just say if there was some way to fast forward through these two months or just take them off the calendar all together I would be first in line. Maybe it's the down time after going through the three big holidays? I mean I use to get very depressed after Christmas ended when I was younger. Not so much now that I'm older. It's just so gray and cold during January and February....UGH! It's hard to keep the spirits up that's for sure.  

One thing I want to get straight is I haven't sat back and just let these two months bog my life down especially in the recent years. Each year I have tried to fill this time of year with important things to help move through winter. More blog entries is one of them. When I wasn't in college I spent much of this time of year deep cleaning my apartment, going through my file cabinet, finishing a book or two, and playing as much video games as I could. I also keep up with my vitamin D levels as well by taking my vitamin D supplement. This is to help make up for the lack of sunshine during the winters in Oregon. All of this really seems to help. 

One thing that is still tough to overcome is being cold. I have lost a lot of weight since the days when I would wear shorts during the winter. I get cold now damn it. I remember the first winter I experienced what it was like to be skinner during the coldest season. I experienced my stomach shaking vigorously many times when I wasn’t wearing enough layers. Well, I'm not going to just pack the weight I lost back on. So, my solution is just more layers if clothing. Oh dear my life is so stressful! I have however taken a liking to scarfs and flannel pajama pants during these winter days and nights that's for sure. So, I adjust, adapt, and try to make the best of the situation. Last year in February (and I'm going to try to go again this year) I even went as far as to go visit my cousin Jason in Arizona. It was only in the mid 60's when I went, but it was warmer than home so I will take it any day! Also, while I was there the sun was out everyday. Which is not hard considering its in the middle of a desert, but always welcomed none the less. As I get older and thinner I dream of warmer weather with fairer skies and maybe these feelings are just part of getting older. 

As I write this though its the final days of January and so I have made it “so far” through this winter season. Thankfully as you get older time does go by faster so the wait for spring seems to get a bit shorter each year. Also, this January is the first time I have been in college during winter. Being in school has definitely helped to push things along and occupy my time. I also have been sleeping regularly as well which helps no matter what time of year it is. So, for now I count down the days till I can wear shorts again. I will spend some time planning my trip to Arizona as well. Overall I know that spring is just around the corner. I can't wait to see the first buds on the trees by my work. In actuality January & February are only 2/12 of the year as a whole or 1/6 simplified and that's not even a whole number. Lol You got to love a little math joke sometimes. I know this might seem crazy or too early to tell, but I have a feeling we might actually get an early spring this year. Here’s to wishful thinking.

As always I bring this to you with love and pure D-lite. 

Hope for the future....

Hope for the future...

So, I know I have taken a break from giving you my song of the week, but when someone showed me this song not too long ago I remembered why I do this. It was a simple question to a friend “What is your favorite song right now?”. What answer she gave me was one of those little “life gifts”. The song she sent me was called “Same Love” by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis featuring Mary Lambert. This song is one of those moments that instantly moved me. So much can be said about this song and I don’t need to go into it all. Listen and I’m sure it will move you too. I will how ever speak about the things in this song that really stood out to me. 

The lyrics:

“Human rights for everybody

There is no difference

Live on! And be yourself!”

 Seems so easy right? Thats because it is. 

“A world so hateful

Some would rather die

Than be who they are”

With things like North Korean making some aggressive moves lately I wonder can we all really just get along? Live in love not fear. 

“We come from the same one

Strip away the fear

Underneath it’s all the same love

About time that we raise up” 

With people at the government level starting to see the light currently on things like gay marriage we must remember that we don’t allow the government to tell us what is right and wrong. It’s up to the people to change. They got rid of slavery a long time ago, but racism is still around.  

What’s more encourage about this song is knowing that the generations before me are digging this message. That is awesome to me. Hope...for the furture. Always hold the light in your heart no matter how dark it gets. 

“Love is patient, love is kind

Love is patient, love is kind...”

I hope you are all trying to be the best you that you can be and enjoying life to the fullest. 

As always I bring this with love and pure D-lite.