Do guys have fat days too?

Absolutely. In fact, I probably have them more than most of the women I know. You're probably thinking for those that have followed my progress over this blog, or just my progress in my life in general, that how can he still have struggles with this issue when he has made so much progress? Well I do. I mean I have lost somewhere around 150 plus pounds since I was at my largest size. If you think about it 150 pounds is a whole other person. The struggles I have when it comes to this subject goes very deep with me. I have said before that I am not done with my journey to the body I want. It's a process and with every pound that is shed off this body it reveals an emotion or wound that was covered up. There have definitely been points along this road that have leveled off from the ups and downs this path has taken me. Each time it has leveled off it is a struggle to keep pushing forward without progress, whether its up or down. Sometimes, I have to keep going without even a hill in the distance to give me that push to keep driving straight knowing that there is an upside to the hard work that I’m doing everyday. Faith is sometimes not enough to keep me above the pain that is deep inside me. This isn’t the only time I have felt this stuck. Everyday it seems I have to remind myself of the thought that when I was 350 pounds plus I never thought I would be where I am with my body right now. It seems though that the smaller amount of weight I need to lose the harder it gets. So, lately I have been very reserved and not my normal happy self. Those that know me well can see it written all over my face. They may not know exactly why I have been feeling the way I have been, but they know something is going on deep within myself. Well the truth of the matter is I’m digging deep within myself. Excuse my language, but “ I’m digging through the shit” is the exact words I used when talking to my sister about what was going on with me. What is it that's blocking my vision of the future me and where I want to be? Lots of things, but I would like to talk about some of the biggest issues I have been facing of late. 

This is me in 2005 after my father died
and I got serious about changing my life.
I wanted these pictures to remind
me of where I started. 

What the hell
was going on with my hair? I
think I just work up. lol

First problem I have point blank is I’M TIRED OF BEING FAT. I know that seems so trivial. I mean who likes being fat anyway, right? I have spent most of my life fat, but not just fat. Technically I have been morbidly obese. I hate it. In fact, medically speaking, even with all the weight I have lost I’m still currently in the obese category. I hate how much of my life was cut short by not being able to be free of the weight holding me down. I’m sick of it. Beyond sick of it. There is one thing that continually keeps feeding this thought of being fat. It's the mirror in the employee bathrooms at my work. I hate that mirror so much. When I look at myself in that mirror it doesn't matter how far I have come, how hard I work, or where I'm at now. My reflection in that mirror just slaps me in the face with the reality, "you're fat". The weird part is not every mirror makes feel this way. Sure I don't look perfect in the mirror in my bathroom at my house, but I feel ok with where my body is when I look at my reflection in that mirror. It's that damn mirror in the bathroom at work that won't let me get up and over this feeling. This is the mirror I see five days a week. The mirror I change in front of from my bike gear to my work clothes and back again. Doing anything in front of this mirror allows me to see everything. I'm not the only person to feel this way about that mirror from the few people I have opened up to and asked about it that I work with. Well that made me feel a little better, but not enough. This mirror connects directly to the pain inside me and helps it grow. So you would probably say to me, “Its just a mirror. Don’t let it get you down. Let it go. It's probably the lighting in that bathroom or something don't let it get to you.” I know because those are all things I have already said to myself. But every week when I start my work week there is that damn mirror, haunting me and reminding me. What you need to understand is I'm not just trying to lose a few pounds to be healthy. I want that feeling of being proud of the body I am in when I look in any mirror. 

Just using this picture to
show that I wasn't always fat.

And then it began.... I'm a
bit more than "Husky" now...
Just look at how big my
earlobe is. lol

Again with that damn hair...lol

Next up,lets talk about pictures and what I see when I look at pictures of me both old and new. When looking at pictures of me that are current I actually sort of feel okay with myself, but I’m still not ever 100% ok with the person in the picture. I know this is very common not very many people feel photogenic, but there has to be a better way then how I feel when I look at pictures of myself. Sure when I look at really old pictures I can see the progress and say I’m not that person anymore. But current pictures that is another story. Anyone would laugh if they knew how much time really goes into taking each picture I take of myself and share with the world. One simple pic could look like a whole days photo shoot on my camera roll on my iphone. With each great picture of myself that I like there, is always something being hidden. Certain things that I do to help hide myself are as simple as only taking shots of me only from the shoulders up, turned a certain way in the mirror, or even just taken when I’m wearing certain clothes. To go even further with this thought of hiding myself, I do it subconsciously as well. I thought about this the other day when I was looking at my face in the mirror. I have a scar thats up above my left eye that was from a surgery years ago to remove a benign cyst. Well why does this matter? Years ago I started wearing my baseball hat with the bill off to the left side. I couldn't figure out why I chose to wear it on the left side and not the right. It was my scar from the surgery. I was trying hide it and I didn't even realize I was doing that to myself. Interesting part about this scar is it really doesn’t bother me much even when I’m not wearing a hat. I have come a long way, but I’m still hiding. The reason I hide is because I’m not quite where I want to be yet. 

Now heading into my teenage years

All I know is I made my
co-workers laugh and in
the end that is what I
love to do the most.
Make laughter.

Now, since we are talking about hiding another sore subject with myself is my material self that covers up my outside. I know everyone can relate to the process in which we dress ourselves. I have lost a lot of weight and feel the best I have ever felt  about myself in my entire life. Even with this feeling of greatness, if you look in my closet most of my clothes are still dark colored. I’m definitely not on the level to rock a pink polo like I have told myself I would when I get to my desired weight. One day I will. I dread stupid things like wearing white unless it’s on the bottom half of me. Most of my shirts are black, so much in fact you would think that I’m goth or something. I even went running in my neighborhood this summer when it was around 90 degrees in a black shirt. Yes, because even in the blazing heat of the sun I was still trying to hide my fat as much as I could. Even when I’m out doing something that is helping to take care of what I’m still hiding. That’s how pained I am about this subject. I use to get scared when anyone would asked me to go to some event that required formal attire. I had a hard enough time finding casual clothes to wear. Getting formal clothes was even more degrading to my self esteem. I can’t wait till the day I feel comfortable wearing anything I like. I mean even when I go to the store to try on clothes I have to work myself through it. I always have to tell myself to be okay with where I am “right now” and find the things I feel the most comfortable in. Thankfully, I have lost enough weight that makes it easier to do this process because I can find clothes that fit. Still many things I want to wear are turned away in this process. Even with all the progress I have made I’m still tired of this process. So sick of playing this game with myself. Now I know granted even the most fit people don’t just put anything on and it looks good, but I know their freedom to wear whatever they want is a lot better than mine. I want that freedom and I’m going to get that freedom.  

Me at prom. The woman in the picture
was one of many woman that walked
all over my heart. 

Captain Heine ARRRRRRgh!

Senior picture.

This process of tearing through all the hurtful things I got called over the years to getting turned down by every girl I liked till even into my early twenties. My struggles with women have gone on for my whole life actually. One of the most painful moments I can remember was on one of the nights I was hanging out with my mom. I remember towards the end of that night as I was eating a banana slit at dairy queen with her when I asked, "Why don't any of the girls like me?". I don't even remember my moms response. I just remember crying so hard. Really hard. That’s all I remember after asking my mom that question was, just me crying uncontrollably. I cry even now as I think about that moment and read what I just wrote. She said something sweet to me I know she did. My mom always made me feel like I was greater than I was and I suppose that is what a good mom should do. She was the one woman besides my sisters that always loved me no matter what. Looking back to when I was very young during the first and second grade era I actually got a lot of attention from girls. Now, I know looks aren’t everything and the body shouldn’t be all of what someone looks at, but once I started to put on weight in third grade it kicked that attention from women out the door. This happened at a young age and stayed that way till my early 20’s. I understand now that if I’m truly going to find the healthy relationship with someone that has the same values about and is heading towards similar goals with themselves is I have to get there myself and project that. This is not to say there is anything wrong with those people out there with extra weight on themselves. We are all struggling. The difference for me is when I get attention from people like that I see the pain and the hurt. It’s going to sound selfish, but I am heading in the other direction. There is no person on this planet that doesn’t come without baggage, but unless they are really doing the same work as myself I can’t add their baggage on to my heavy load that I’m already digging through and getting rid of myself. This isn’t to say that I haven’t gotten attention at all from women over the years. Because I have and some really nice women actually, but none of them quite helped me get where I want to go. My last relationship probably being the best. Even still there were things that weren’t helping either. So here is the deal, I have always said that I want to match the outside of body with the inside. I’m proud of the person I have become on the inside now it’s time for the outside to catch up.

Not thrilled to have this pic taken and I'm sure you
can see why. 

Me at Hagg Lake still rocking the Blonde Highlights.
I was the lead singer of the heavier version of the
Backstreet boys. 

My 21st Birthday. I really look like my dad here.
Just that look on my face. Oh and I look very
drunk too. lol 

So, before I conclude this entry I feel like I need to explain exactly what I mean by being proud of the body I have and what that body looks like to the world. Well to start off a good example of what I realized I wanted came from a recent rafting trip I went on. I’m always looking for examples of the kind of fit body that I want. On the rafting trip that I just went on showed me what it is I think I have been looking for. I saw a few men on the trip that showed me the confidence that I want with my body and self.  These guys are not like super tone or built like guys on the front of a muscle builder magazine. They were just simple guys and very normal looking guys. These men did something with confidence that I haven’t been able to do and be ok with since I was a very young child. That thing I am talking about is to be able go around without a shirt on. See its not just about being sexy or attractive to the others. For me is I just want to be comfortable in my own body just the way it is. I spend majority of my time spent at my house in my birthday suit, but when I step outside all I do is hide. No that doesn’t mean I’m trying to get to the point that I can walk around nude. I just want to be comfortable just being me no matter where I am in the world or what I look like in the world. It’s confidence in myself that I’m looking for. 

Me at Christmas time rocking 49ers gear

My buddy J.J. and me in tuxedos
for my buddy Braits wedding. 

Me at Multnomah Falls in the fall.
Look at my hand it looks HUGE
in the pic. lol

So, there you have it. Guys have fat days too. Or now you at least know I do. Yes, I have hard time looking at myself in the mirror, I spend a lot of time trying to decide what I wear, I have had struggles between weight and women, and I’m not fully comfortable with where I am as a whole...YET. Ending that last sentence with the word  “yet” might be the most powerful thing in this whole blog entry. Because this story about my body has not ended. So, what do I do to change this. Blame my parents, genetics, society, or even myself. NO. The answer is the same as it’s always been. Keep digging through all pain until all this garbage is taken out. For the only person that can change any of this is me. I have made my body this way and I will be the one to get it back to where I want it to be. People can help guide you, but it’s me that always has to do the work. I have to get myself to the gym, I have to face myself in the mirror, I have to say no to the food that does not help me, and I’m the one that has to try harder. I will leave you also with some powerful words that my therapist told me and it really made sense to me. She said, “You have every right to be here, wear what you want to wear,  and just take up space in this world. You have worked hard and you keep working hard which gives you every right to be you right now”. It’s so true I need to stop hiding and own the person I am and have built. I really do like myself and it’s time to start showing my body that by creating a new relationship with this body. To  change the story that this body has been telling for most of my life and rewrite all the thoughts that have held me back from the person I want to be. Because no matter what anyone else ever says about my body it will never be true until I know it is. So, keep pushing Derrick. You are NOT done Derrick. This is not the complete Derrick. You can do better Derrick. Lastly, here is a word to my future self. I will see you soon and I can’t wait to see you.  

The newer me at my 30th birthday party.

Me showing how much I have lost since I
wore that shirt to my dad's funeral
in 2004. 

Very few whole body shots are taken of
me so I thought I would share one more.

 As always I bring this to you with love and pure D-lite. You may ask yourself why did I get so personal? Well, you know what? I am not the only one out there in this world that has feelings like I do about body image and if I just reach one person to let them know that they are worth it.Then its been worth every moment of pain or tear shed while working on this and myself. Because in the end we are all worth it. To move forward we must move through the past and let go. Take care. LOVE. = )

Me giving that mirror at work
my angry face.

Me trying to be ok with
me in that mirror.
=)

Feels good to be back.

Well, hello there....its been awhile hasn’t it. If you haven’t been following me on Facebook then you wouldn’t know that I have recently started going back to school. It took me a long time to make that decision, but after one term I feel like it was a good decision for myself. I'm still not quite sure what I am going to school for exactly, but I think working that out while going to school will help me. It’s been very nice to get that feeling of encouragement and that feeling of being smart again. It’s building confidence to push me to higher things. Things like trigonometry and calculus use to be things I thought of as only what the “smart people” do. I have broken through that feeling after talking to my math teacher last term and a coworker who is a math major. I don’t know if I will be the best at them, but I know that I'm no longer scared to take them on. That kind of thinking has been a very good improvement for myself and I am proud of myself for taking that step. 

So the two classes I took this last spring term was a math class and writing class. Math is still at a review level for me so I don’t want to talk about that much. What I do want to talk about is my writing class. Because I have found through this blog that writing is a good outlet and a powerful tool for me. I am a man of many ideas and thoughts and its very nice to have an audience that enjoys and respects that. So, I know there isn’t millions of people reading this blog, but I want to take the time to thank those that do. 

So thank you for listening and being a part of my life. = )

So, I haven’t posted an entry since March and that was very shortly before I started school. I didn’t however stop writing, my writing just became writing of a different sort. I’m out of school for the summer and want to take this time to catch you up and share the many things that are on my and have been on my mind over the last few months. I plan to share as many blog entries that I can over the summer before I start school again in the fall. So to kick things off I thought I might share one of the three papers I wrote for my writing class. It is the one I'm the most proud of. I got a B on it and I was a little discouraged by that at first. As I explained to many people who helped keep me stay positive about my writing that in the past I have gotten B’s I want to get A’s. I’m not just in school to “pass” I want to excel. I kept at it and didn’t get the A+ I wanted till the last paper and thankfully that one was worth the most points towards my grade. I did however learn a lot trying to push myself to get that A. It’s always a lesson and I am in school to learn.  I will say goodbye for now and pass you off to my paper about the feeling of place. What is place to you?

As always I bring this to you with love and pure D-Lite. = ) 

Home Within a Home

I have lived here in this apartment for over 3 years now. Everything inside this place is connected to me. From the moment I wake up in the morning to get ready for the day, to when I walk through the door after a long day of work. I have worked hard to make this place I call home. It is not the structure itself or the location itself that makes this place I live on earth my special place. It really is so much more.

Every year I take a step back and reassess my apartment and take time to get rid of anything that is cluttering up my space to keep things open. This was an important thing to keep in mind when implementing some feng shui techniques in my apartment. It’s as simple as walking through your front door and as you do, think about these thoughts, “Do I feel welcome? What are the first things I see? How do I feel when entering this place?” When I walk through the door of my apartment, I feel blessed to have a physical place to rest my head and that this is where I belong. The first thing that I see when I step into my home is my kitchen where I spend much of time cooking meals for myself, my family, and my friends. It is a place I feel very at home in because of the time spent there. The feelings I get when I enter my home are relief, freedom, and happiness. Not only do I feel free to be free and open in my apartment, I try very hard to allow those that come into my space to have the same freedom. To have a place that is free to say how you feel, be who you really are, and to be open to anything. The author Terry Tempest Williams in her essay “One Tree” talks about being humbled by the presence of this beautiful cottonwood tree near where she lives when she says, “In the presence of this tree, I am reduced to exactly what I am, simply another life form” (Williams). Walking into my place is very humbling to me. There is no distractions from the outside world. In my apartment I am surrounded by the things I love and things that make me who I am. No matter what life is outside my home, here in my home I am extremely humbled. Not only does my space provide a base of who I am, but my home also has always been a tool to help expand on the person I am. 

There are many physical things in my apartment that have become a part of what is home to me. Many of the things in my apartment are reminders or reflections to myself of who I am. Reminding myself of the things that make up who I am is very important to me, as it makes me feel at home within myself. Music is an important part of my life and has always been part of my home. Besides my CD collection taking up a big portion of the living room, there usually is music playing in the background. That has been carried over from when I was at my father’s house growing up. There is something so relaxing and refreshing to me about music playing. Even the simple things like sitting on my couch and looking out the window brings such peace to me. The plants on my patio are always inviting and welcoming to me and help keep me connected to nature even though I live within the city limits. Then there is my extremely comfortable bed that I love so dearly as well. Because what is having a place to rest your head if you don’t have an excellent place to actually do that? These things help me keep track of who I am no matter where I go and that is why I feel they are important part of my home and that I feel I can pack my home up and move anywhere. 

There are many great things about the environment surrounding the location I live in currently. But if I was given the opportunity to live in a different location, whether similar or very different from where I live right now, I assure you my home would still be very much the same. You think that by living in Oregon my whole life I would completely feel at home here. It’s true there are many great things about Oregon I love, from the vibrant green that fills the state of Oregon during the days of spring to the leaves changing to brilliant colors of yellow, orange, and red in the fall. I also like the fact that I can experience so many different geographical locations without leaving the state. Being able to drive about an hour or two in any direction can give you a nice change of scenery. I have lived in many places within this state since I left my mother’s nest and each one of those places I lived in had things that I find important to a place I call home far past where is was located. Okay, so what if you had to live in Antarctica or in the middle of the desert instead of the lush green vegetation that makes up Oregon. Would that change what is your home? No. For me home is a lot more than the beauty that is around where my home may rest. I have traveled many places and each time I come back to where I live, its not just the beauty and wonder that the state of Oregon has that makes me feel home again. It’s walking through the door at my apartment that gives me this feeling of place. Other things that I like about living where I do is having a family that lives close by so that they can be a part of my daily life, having my own space to create or play, and also a place to just be. Speaking of a place to just be sometimes I will turn everything off in my apartment and open all the windows so that I can hear the freeway near by. That sound of the freeway over the years I have spent here has become as soothing to me as a river flowing down a mountainside, constant and never ending. In the essay “Homeplace” by Scott Russell Sanders he takes a moment to talk about the spiritual side of connecting to a place through words he found from a Zen master named Thich Nhat Hanh. Sanders translates in his own words what that lesson from the Zen master said by saying, “If you stay put, your place may become a holy center, not because it gives you special access to the divine, but because in your stillness you hear what might be heard anywhere” (Sanders 103). This idea of carrying a feeling of place within yourself no matter where you go I think is very powerful. I also feel that if you learn the ability to create that space for yourself in one place you can create it anywhere, it doesn’t matter the location. See having a place in this world to me is more about what travels with you than where exactly those things you bring with you rest or are placed in this world. 

So it may seem that it is my apartment that I call my home from the reasons that I have mentioned, but that would be a little misleading. The fact that I feel at home in my apartment is true, only it’s not the actual apartment I live in itself that that gives me that feeling of being at home. It’s not the airplane landing on the ground of the state I lived my whole life that gives me that feeling of home. It’s not the physical things that I have within my apartment. It’s what those things mean to me that I carry with me from place to place. I have lived in several places in my life and each one felt like home when I lived there. In fact, many people who have visited the places I lived in have told me that my place feels homey. This holds true for the good places I lived in to the not so good places I lived in over the years, each place I have made my home. The items I have or specific things I do to make my home in any place I live have moved with me and have been learned over the course of my time here on this planet and is always evolving with me as I go. I do believe it is important for people to look outward in life at the world around them that makes up or interacts with what they believe to be their home or place in this world. I find it more important to go inward as well to create a home within yourself that can travel wherever you are, because I believe until you find a place within yourself, no matter where you go, it will never feel like home.

1481

Works Cited 

Sanders, Scott Russell. “Homeplace.” Seeing & Writing. Ed. Donald McQuade and Christine McQuade. New York: Bedford, 2000. 101-104. Print.

Williams, Terry Tempest. “One Tree.” Wood Notes Quarterly Summer. 2001. Print.

My trip to Arizona 2012

Good morning!!! =)

Awwwwwwww doesn’t that look beautiful? Blue sky, barely any clouds, and temperature in the high 60’s. That is what I woke up to every morning while I stayed at my cousins house in Arizona. Now that may not sound as great as being in Hawaii (which currently without checking I am sure is between 75-80 degrees all week long), but for someone who has lived in the NW all of his life it was perfect for February. 

So to explain why I went to Arizona I will have to give you a bit of back story. Besides the wonderful weather and just being able to travel to somewhere new. The biggest reason I have had to go to Arizona is because someone that is very special to me lives in that state currently. Someone that has been in and out of my life since I was old enough to remember. His name is Jason Heine. He is one of three sons from my fathers first brother Nelson Heine. Over the years we have spent many many many....MANY good times together. From when we were little playing over at my Grandma Heine’s house in north Portland to spending much of our teenage years together to the current days of seeing each other whenever he is in town and playing video games online as much as we can and such. Now the key part of that last sentence was “whenever he was in town”. See he still has family here and he comes back into town quite a bit to visit. I however have never made the trip down to see him. I had told him for years that I would one day make it down. Well, many years past and he has been living down there I believe 3 or so years. So I decided to do it. I mean all I really need is plane ticket and money for food right? I have no excuses. Sure I have plenty of medical bills and other stuff of that nature, but I can spare some money if I can find a good price for a ticket. So, I approached him about it. He was super excited when I brought it up. We actually started talking about actual dates and how much time he could get off of work. He even showed me a few tricks of how to get a good ticket price on Southwest Airlines. So after a little bit of patience I got some pretty good deals for tickets and then it was set. We started counting the days. See it was perfect timing too. He had around the beginning of this year broken things off with a long time girlfriend and moved into a house of his own. Yes, I said house. I have to bring this up because I am a bit jealous. Because of the housing market sinking there are many houses in Arizona that went way down in value. So he was able to rent a decent size house for not much more than I am paying right now. Yes, it was a bit further outside of Phoenix in one of the smaller suburbs, but if you were willing to commute a bit then you were definitely rewarded. Also, since this was a place for just him, he finally got to spread his wings a bit and take all his stuff out of storage. So he finally got to build the home he has wanted to for a long time. That might not make sense to you right now or sound like a big deal, but don't worry I will explain. See my cousin is a multi talented guy who has a love for video games, studio equipment, and anything electronic. So, with all this space in this house allows himself to build the studio he has wanted to build with all the things that he has and also to make a game room like he has always wanted too. Now the bigger part of the stuff he had in storage was video games stuff. He is quite the collector I would have to say. He use to sell quite a bit on eBay and still does. So over time has created quite the collection of video game stuff. He also has 5 arcade cabinets. Yes, you heard me right five fully working and excellently refurbished arcade cabinets four of which are in his living room in his studio. How awesome right. Ok well, I guess if your not into video games maybe not. I am definitely into video games and as he was explaining his new place to me before I went down to see him it sounded like video game paradise. Well, my cousin doesn’t like to disappoint and he definitely didn’t. It was amazing, but I am skipping too far a head so lets start at the beginning of the trip. 

Here we go....Oh BOY! =)

There is one thing about traveling really far away I don’t really like and that is flying. I wish it were the olden days with more trains going places. Because taking a plane has turned out not to be my favorite thing to do. I really only put up with flying because when I get on a plane it usually means I am going somewhere cool. Which is always funny to me because for the longest time as a kid I wanted to be a pilot. Oh how humorous life is sometimes. So, my flight to Phoenix is scheduled to leave about midday. I wake up early because I am just so damn excited to see my cousin, get some sun, and play some video games. I woke up and finished packing. I left my house about 10 o’clock to catch my flight at 1:35pm. I left so early because for the first time I decided to take the MAX directly to the airport on my own. No one dropping me off or flying with me. Feels good to do that sometimes. To remember the power that you have within yourself. Riding the max to the airport went so smooth it’s a bit scary to me. My last plane flight I believe was 2005 when I took a trip to San Diego with my sister for her birthday. So I was a little nervous I was going to do something wrong. The security checks are different now then they were then. So from a refresher course my cousin gave me over the few days before I left I was instructed exactly what I needed to do. It was great from the ride in to the airport on the MAX, to the wonderful woman checking in my bag (who was giving much praise for my progress on my weight loss after looking at my drivers license lol), to boarding the plane. Believe it or not I actually sat by the window. Why would someone who is afraid to fly and afraid of heights do this? Well, because I am trying to get better at flying and by putting myself next to the window I have to confront my fears. Also, from what I could tell from the woman that sat near me was having a way harder time than I was. I didn’t have it quite as bad as she did. She seemed a lot more nervous. I realized on this last flight that I really don’t mind the in air part so much. It’s the take off and landing. That is where the plane moves a lot more and from the moment that plane leaves the ground I can feel every movement the plane makes in my stomach. So for every landing and take off I try to close my eyes and relax. I have done so much better these days than the past flights I have taken. I even took a few pictures out the window that are pretty damn cool. Yes, I spent some good time looking out the window in between reading. Both snacks they handed out on the plane had wheat in them... I thought to myself...typical. I understand with the pretzels, but the honey roasted peanuts? Jesus people there is no need for wheat in roasted peanuts!!! I love honey roasted nuts too! Well, no matter I planned a head anyway and brought lunch with me. Stacey made me a wonderful wrap. I also brought honey dijon kettle chips and a Mahalo candy bar (which if you don’t know is a vegan imitation of an almond joy. WHICH by the way is way better than an almond joy ever was period!) to eat and the flight attendant gave me some water. Perfect meal on a pretty decent flight. I bring this all up because its part of my life now with where I am at in my life health wise and with eating. I have to pack food ahead where ever I go. The rest of the time in flight I read the book Game of Thrones. 

Pretty cool huh? =)

Just a little snow on top of that mountain.

We land in Phoenix... I am always happy to hit the ground again. Such a land lover I am. I get my bag and right after there is my cousin to pick me up. Then we go out to where his car is parked on the top floor of the parking garage. I bring this up only because from the top you could get a good view of the surrounding Phoenix area. First things I noticed about Arizona was it’s very flat and very brown I mean pretty in its own right, but very different to the green hilly area of Oregon that I have always know. So we take off towards his place with a few stops a long the way. Before arriving in Arizona Jason had done some research to find some place like New Seasons Market in Arizona that was at least somewhat close to his house so that we could do a little grocery shopping. Out of the two places he took me Sprouts I think was fairly close to being a New Seasons Market. I got many of the things I needed to have food around that I could eat while being at his place. So after a little grocery shopping then continued on to his house. Now another thing about Arizona as my cousin explained is that the streets are very grid based and so it makes it hard to get lost. It also makes for a boring drive in my opinion. So we make it out to my cousin’s house in a suburb a little farther out from Phoenix in a place called Queencreek. It was really not way out in the sticks, but a bit farther out. Now I know we all would like to rent our own house to have all to ourselves, but this was a huge thing for my cousin to do. My cousin has had to move quite a bit over the last few years so finally being able to grow some roots in one area I know means a lot to him. I have already said it, but I must say it again my cousin has lots of COOL stuff. It’s awesome to see because of leaving his girlfriend of many years and being able to spread his wings. I am happy to say he did it in a big way. He is now able to have full access to himself and all he owns. We are talking the ultimate bachelor pad. A full studio in the living room with 4 arcade machines on the far wall, a full game room up above the living room, a room next door to the game room with more video game stuff, a room next to that one for guests (like me although I thought about sleeping in the game room lol), a master bed room for himself,  and even a place next to the kitchen to set up his very nice drum set. Now to say my cousin has stockpile of video game stuff is an understatement, but he doesn’t have every game or system...yet. He definitely has more than most of us would dream of. So that is a big reason why I came down to see him and do what we have done for years when he lived here in Oregon together. I'm talking about having a real face to face game night. In this day and age with xbox live and even video games we play together over cell phones there isn’t as much actual visiting friends and family in person. Every time my cousin and I get to see each other since he moved away that is exactly what we spend our time doing. This vacation brought all that back. Sitting in his game room and looking through his games asking questions, wondering what games were good enough to play, and just thinking back to all the memories we have from the video games that we have played in the past. So many great times at all sorts of different times in my life. I am not going to sit here and tell you all the games we went through because there was just way too many. I do want to mention a few. First off, the first night we ended up in front of his arcade machines. They all are just so awesome. All of his arcade cabinets have been redone from the ground up by my cousin and they truly are just amazing. Out of the 4 I really fell in love with Killer Instinct 2. I had played the first one with Jason quite a bit over the years and we did play on that cabinet before the second one, but the second one really caught my attention. The original Killer Instinct cabinet has an upgraded sound system put in by my cousin which took the sound to another level. Still the Killer Instinct 2 arcade machine sucked me in. We also ended up playing it on Jason’s N64 as well. Next up, Conker’s Bad Fur Day...wow where do I start with this game. I had watched a review about it a while ago on Youtube and was very interested to play it in real life. It’s definitely not a kids game and it amazes me what someone got nintendo(normally very strict as to keep their family image) to approve this game on their console. It was really fun and funny. I would definitely like to own that game one day. Lastly, was a more current game that Jason had been telling me about recently. It’s called Motorstorm: Pacific Rift which is only on Playstation 3. Wow, what a great racing game. What is more important was there we were like the good old days trading off the controller back and forth as we tried to progress through the game. Each of us trying to help the other find better ways to beat each level. That right there my friends is what I like about gaming. From board games, card games, sports, and video games. It’s the team effort. It’s the competition with that collective effort. Being there with my cousin and every time we get to spend time with each other these days we realize how much we miss that connection. We play games a lot online too, but being there next to each other opens up a lot more options to play older games as well as newer ones. So enough about all that I don’t want to put you all to sleep with all my video game talk.

Castles and Coasters! =)

Main floor of Castles and Coasters. HEAVEN! =)

Retro

Jason playing a racer...lol never. =)

The second full day of being in Arizona we actually made it out of the house and he showed me more around Arizona. One of the first places we went was a place called Bookman’s. I guess the best way to describe Bookman’s is to say it’s like a used media store that is only in the state of Arizona. They have used CDs, books, music equipment, and video games. Jason has told me lots about this place before I came down and I was very excited to go there. Although after the money I spent there maybe I shouldn’t have gone there. By taking me there though my cousin revived the collector in me. There was so many games there I wanted. It was lots of trouble for both of us and also something we love to do together is hunting for video games. It’s the hunt for that special game or a great game at a great price. Again I won’t bore you with all that I got, but it was a ton of fun to say the least. Also, on our day out in Arizona he took me to two awesome arcades. The first arcade he took me to was called Castles and Coasters. It was a mini amusement park with rides and such, but we didn’t bother with all that...we headed straight into the castle and inside would make anyone that is my age or bit older shoot right back to 1980’s-1990’s. See people of my age and older really know what it was like growing up with arcades. Way before the arcades made their way into our homes. It was awesome it had classic arcade machines upstairs, more current stuff on main floor and a wonderful selection of pinball machines in the center. I was in heaven. I mean between Jason’s video game palace and this arcade I didn’t ever want to leave. We played quite a few machines and got to meet up with friend of Jason’s named John who he met over Youtube from their video game channels channels. I got to see John in action on the Donkey Kong arcade machine  he talks a lot about which was quite awesome. I also watched Jason get in the zone with Miss Pac-man machine. He didn’t get the high score on the machine, but definitely did the best he has ever done. It was quite intense to even watch. Then before we left he went and ripped it up on the Batman returns pinball machine. So after a while of playing games at Castles and Coasters we had to venture out again to the other Bookman’s that was near by. I did better at this store and only spent a a little of my money. Then it was off to another arcade found in a place called Golfland. Because as great as Castles and Coasters was they were missing a very important machine that is in my opinion the best arcade machine to come out for this generation and that is H2O Overdrive. It's one of Jason and I’s favorite arcade machine. Its a boat racing game very similar to one I loved growing up called Hydro Thunder. Well, of course because some of the same people created both of the games. H2O Overdrive is everything Hydro thunder should have been and an awesome upgrade for this day and age. So we played that till the arcade shut down. Literally I played till the last minute before the machines shut off. 

Golfland Main floor 

Golfland Main floor

Back to the house and we went through our Bookman’s stacks of goodies and cleaned them and took off all the stickers. Then we played more Motorstorm: Pacific Rift. The next day filled with a stack of N64 games. I have been very interested in the system of late because I never got one growing up. I have been interested in getting a N64 so we went and played some games I didn’t know about for the system. Had so much fun doing so. More laughs and more memories created. Tuesday night John came over and I was guest on their video game podcast called “All Gen Gamers”. http://gamester81.com/all-gen-gamers-podcast-episode-82/ That was a so much fun and a blast to do. I love talking about video games and talking in general I guess. After that we played a game on the Kinect for the xbox called You Star. It’s a fun game where through using the camera on the connect it puts you into scenes in famous movies. My cousin streamed it on his TwitchTv account so you can go watch me mess up lines and look silly if you want. http://www.twitch.tv/theemureview/b/309410116 =) I had a hard time reading my lines on the screen because what I forgot to mention was I think it was the second night when I was getting into bed I somehow got my glasses under my bed I was sleeping on and broke my glasses. Regardless I had too much fun playing the game with those two guys they were too funny and a lot better at the game than I was. 

The next day and final day I was there we just did a bit more game playing and just hanging out with each other. Left for the airport little early to avoid too much traffic and to get In and out Burger one last time. Yes, I didn’t mention it, but I was so excited to be able to go and have In and Out burger even for my gluten free and Dairy free diet. It was an excellent treat. What I like about In and Out burger is that is didn’t feel like too much it was just the right about, everything is consistent, they didn’t ask me to super size it, and they didn’t hand me a 64 ounce cup when getting a small drink. That is very refreshing and although I really don’t eat at fast food anymore this really is the one exception. ALl I really had to ask for when ordering my burger was no cheese and wrapped in lettuce instead of a bun which is called "protein style". So awesome. 

YUMMY!!! =)

So we said our goodbyes on the ride over too the airport. Both of us very glad that I had finally made my way down to see him. We both agreed that this wouldn’t be the only time instead it would be the first of many. He is doing his thing down there and I am doing my thing up here so I don’t see either of us moving closer to the other anytime soon. So our face to face game nights will have to wait. The ride home on the plane I think was quite a bit better than the ride down there to Arizona. The pilot was also a lot funnier and cracked a few jokes that helped me and I found his humor very refreshing for someone who gets a little nervous on planes. 

So what did I learn? I got to see another state that puts me at 11 states of America that I have visited. I definitely need to increase that number. After thinking about how many I had actually visited that doesn’t seem like much. I realized how much I love the company of my cousin with just every time we actually get to spend quality time together. I will probably be asking him to move back to oregon for as long as I am living. Since the early days at my Grandma’s house we have always been close and I don’t see why we wouldn’t ever be. I have talked about it before about the need to take time to let those that are important and meaningful in your life know that as much as you can. None of us are here forever so lets appreciate the time spent together and not take them for granted. Love and laughter are essential in life so never stop trying to get them. Also, Jason awoke the collector in me was reborn with this trip of video game madness...lol oh no! There is just “TWO MANY GAMES!” because remember “two” video games is to many to play. For you can’t play two games at the same time and enough them, but I will just keep stacking them and get to them when I can who is up for another game night? =) I also need too stop talking about doing things and start making them happen I much coming soon so stay tuned. I had told him for years I would come see him and following through felt very good. So get out and explore and see the ones you love so dearly because those are the real things in life that matter. So get out and see the world! 

Till next time... =)

As always I bring this to you with Love and Pure D-lite. =)