There is something I need to tell you about myself....

Although It may seem that there is a lot that I tell the world through this blog. There is much that I keep to myself. There is definitely a method to my madness. Almost everything in my life has a reason. Down to things in my house and how I arrange things in my life. One thing that I know confuses people about me is some of my thoughts and choices on certain things. One of those choices is why I steer away from alcohol more and more as I get older. I have steered away from trying to make the world do as I do a long time ago. I can only control what I do, but there are some good reasons to why I have kind of a hate towards alcohol. One big one that I am going to get into for the first time publicly in this blog entry is something very dear to me. 

I don’t remember exactly when it was...that I fell for her. In my younger years I never paid as much attention to time and dates as I do now. I refused to wear a watch for a long time because of that. I know this time in my life when things started happening between her and I was very close to when my father died. So that would put it around 2003 to 2004. She worked at the Bakery next to the coffee shop I worked at for so many years. I remember going over to get sandwiches and soup from the bakery. Every time I would talk with her a little more and more each time I visited. I cannot lie that I wasn’t watching her pass by my drive thru window to take out the garbage to the dumpster that our two jobs shared. Now to explain how weird this next part of the story was for me I actually have to explain how I was in the early 2000s. To be quite blunt I was NOTHING like I am now. I had low self esteem and definitely not enough confidence to approach any woman...let alone this woman. To make a move on this beautiful woman that worked next door to was not like me at all. Overtime it just kept advancing like it was out of my hands. Eventually, I got her number.... I think I was so shocked I don’t even remember how I did it. It was a huge step for me back then. My celebration was cut short when trying to call her I got just a voicemail and no response back for days. I asked the other bakery girls next door were she was when I noticed she wasn’t at work either. They kind of got little weird, but eventually one of them told me she had been checked into rehab. I was blown away. I really didn’t know what to think. I had no idea that something like that was going on or what was really going on at all. So what did I do? Well, being the person I am I wanted to help. I called again and left a message telling her that I had heard what happened, but to still call me back. She did finally get a hold of me from the pay phone at rehab. We talked a lot and I remember making her laugh...oh how that made me so happy. Here she was going through something so hard and I touched her. For a brief moment I brought some joy into her life. That was a remarkable feeling. She told me years later how much that really meant to her. Writing about it now I realize how much it meant to both of us. Our chats continued while she was in rehab whenever we could. She finally got out and our talking didn’t really stop at all. It actually got worse a lot worse. We talked quite a bit and hung out one day after she got out. Although our day hanging out was very weird. I spent the day just ogling over her and how wonderful and beautiful she was. While she was busy mentally walking herself through her days before rehab as we walked through her old apartment were she spent the last days with her last ex that break broke up with her not that long before. She also kind of went through and talked about some of her earlier days of drinking. Things progressed very quickly between us we started texting so much that even thinking back about how much I text her it was crazy. Easily thousands of texts in a month. We did get somewhat serious and dated for two weeks about. I still tell her it really never counted though, but just as fast as it started it also ended. She relapsed and fell back into her disease. I lost her and that would only be the first time...for our connection had only just begun. It got messy because we worked so close together and all the people we knew between us. I don’t really want to go into all of what happened, but it wasn’t good. I got my heart stomped on and totally crushed in many mean ways. From her just saying mean things while drunk to sleeping with coworkers of mine. So after a long time I tried to move on. It was very tough. Even in the short time that we got to know each other and talk to each other there was already a long list of songs that got stuck to my memories of her or us. It was very much the same way for her she told me years later. Like they always say the only thing that heals a break up is time. A long time went by, but I must admit she never left my memory. 

Over the next few years we shared a random e-mail or two. See I have this thing about clearing the air with all the women I have been with. So at some point my exes and I find each other to say our sorries if you will. With her and I we did it more than once. I think part of my heart really just couldn’t let go. So we went back and forth for years. Every time would start off friendly and eventually she would start drinking again and then that was the end of it...or until the next time we would try again. One time she actually text me from the bar...*RED FLAG GOES UP* ... what is wrong with this picture? I remember saying something to her about it right of the bat. She blew it off and like a sucker I went a long. Ha, I have learned so much since then. Then next time after that I went looking for her on myspace. Who am I kidding... I had her page saved on my favorites so no searching was needed. lol One time checking it I got blown away. Form pictures she posted I figured out that she had recently given birth to her wonderful daughter Serenity. I didn’t even know what to say... I remember that I just sent an e-mail with one word “Wow...”. The response I got was not very nice because (in here defense) our routine break up from the time before got very heated and I said some very mean things. So after reading her very defensive response to my confusing e-mail. I wrote her a nicer e-mail back. To some it up I told her I was actually very happy for her. Having her daughter might be the only way for her to really get help and make it stick. Deep down I was hurt. Her having a kid with another man was a permanent thing that reminded me that she had been with someone else and not with me. It was a tough pill to swallow. Again a reconnection that started out trying to be friendly ended again because there is no way that I could ever be “just friends” with her no matter how much we tried to fool ourselves. Years went by and still it went back and forth. You couldn’t not deny the chemistry and connection between us, but she continued to live in here disease, battling the thought of breaking up her daughters family with her dad, and she ended up taking on much of her father’s disease who is also an alcoholic as well. Then there is all the damage he did to her through his disease as well which just piled on to her own struggles with her disease. It’s such a horrible cycle they get stuck into were the guilt of what they have done through there disease pushes them right back into it. There I was in her life always just on the outskirts of a person battling alcohol. This is how it always seemed to go. This back and forth thing has gone on for the last 7 years in between relationships I have had. Although we have in many ways gotten close to being with each other over the years during each one of these “reconnection periods” through many of the steps she has taken in her life. In the end it fails and I always take back seat to a drug that destroys a woman that I love and enjoyed so much when sober. I guess it’s the person I am... I can see the greatness in so many. It’s hard for me to just accept that some people may never see the wonderfulness and Beauty within themselves as sad as that maybe. 

So the main reason that I talked openly about this part of my life is a few reasons. She taught me so much about alcoholism. Alcoholism is a real thing people, it destroys good people and the people around them. I cannot even imagine how tough it is to have an addiction and I sympathize with their struggle. It’s not just as easy as just stopping. Some people don’t have the power to say when to stop. I also learned that there is nothing I can do to fix it. The work they have to do is their own, but I can support a healthy positive lifestyle by promoting life in a way that move them away from there disease. I also learned that just because they are an alcoholic doesn’t mean that is all they are. When she was sober there is so many great things about her and as she continues to get sober she will start to find herself and all the good that there is within her.

So back to how I started this blog entry. There is a strong hate that I have for alcohol because it has always kept me away from a woman that I truly love. Last time we talked she was working hard at going through the 12 steps program. This time for herself and here daughter. Hearing her say those words “I am doing this for myself and for my daughter” is nothing short of just awesome to me, so wonderful, and so important for her and her beautiful daughter. I really do hope she does stay sober the rest of her life, for both of their sakes. For one day finding out that she has stayed clean and has a normal life with her daughter might lift the pain of my heart that has been caused between us for not being able to be together...at least a little I hope. Till then I promote being alcohol free which I have done for many long periods in my life already. Being alcohol free also helps me continue to make progress on the path I am on for my health currently. For every time I drink I feel like I am taking so many steps backwards. I understand not all of you will feel the same way as I. For I understand that most people find drinking a very causal thing. The problem is alcohol is too excess-able in our society and makes it hard for people trying to get help. It’s everywhere and getting away from it is not as easy as it sounds. Especially when people don’t take the problem seriously.  Some people feel they need it to relax or in my opinion to be themselves. For many people like being around me when I am drunk. They think I’m funny and so much fun to be around. Well, I have been working on being just as fun to be around without alcohol. You say it can’t be done well I disagree. I think we all should take a stab at letting ourselves be ourselves without anything else just the wonderful energy that makes you...you. Some people use it like other drugs to check out and numb themselves from the pain that this world and life puts us through. Well, I am a feeler and I choose to feel all the emotions. All the bad and all the good. That also is not as easy as it sounds. I was talking to the woman I mentioned in this entry about that very topic. She mentioned many times of how when she is sober its very tough because she has to relearn how to deal with all that life throws at her. I told her I know it sucks to feel all those sad and hard times, but to miss out on all the good times as well is not worth it. Lucky for her, her daughter is still very young and she is getting a grip on her life at the right time. Because I know several people who are very effected by what their parents did to them through alcoholism and drugs in general. Please all you parents out there remember what you do effects your kids more than you may realize. Don’t get it confused it’s not about being perfect it’s about making that extra effort and respecting your kids and just everyone in your life. Things like alcoholism doesn’t just effect the person going through it. It effects everyone that person comes in contact with. Life is a gift...every day is a “present” (pun intended lol) so let us not waste any of it. Live life to the fullest and everyday like your last. 

This is her daughter Serenity. I actually got to meet her just a few times. She is just the cutest little girl I have ever known and now I see that she is a blessing for her mom. Because how could you not want to be a better person for that beautiful and wonderful little girl smiling right back at you? I know I would. =)

As always I bring this to you with love and pure D-lite. =)

My summer Vacation Part 3: PAX PRIME 2011

The most epic picture ever actually. I am
trying to figure out which one is "awesomer". lol

So this it... This is what I have been leading up to. The third and final part of my first summer vacation in I don’t even know how long. Now please get something to drink, maybe grab a snack as well, and sit back in that chair your are sitting in... I have a lot to say and I will trying to keep it as focused as I can. 

Yes, I do brush my teeth on vacation. 

Let's see where do I start with this... Well, maybe I should start at what got me to plan my summer vacation in the first place. For that I will have to take it back a bit further than that to my cousin and close friend Jason Heine. See Jason is part of the online Youtube video game community. Which led him into being a part of a video game podcast that he does with three other well know Youtube video game guys that are also well known in the video game community. So I guess I should introduce them so you know who I am talking about. First there is Johnny Millennium who does a channel on Youtube called “The Happy Console Gamer”, next there is Pete Dorr who does a channel on Youtube called “Pete’s Gameroom”, then there is John who’s channel (the first of his many channels...lol) on Youtube is called  “Gamster81”, And last but not least Jason Heine who’s channel on Youtube is called “The Emulator Review”. All powers combined they become the “All Gen Gamers Podcast” which you can find on iTunes under video game podcasts. Plug plug plug....lol. =) So how does this all tie in together with my vacation? Well, they have been doing the podcast for over a year now and way back when they started they talked about meeting up at a video game convention called PAX Prime. Which at the time I had no idea what PAX Prime was. All the guys that are on the podcast live in all different areas of the world. So, they thought this would be an awesome way to meet up with each other and fellow gamers. One of the guys actually lives outside of the country in Canada. So not only was this an awesome event to go to it was the first time all four would be together. The location of PAX Prime is in Seattle Washington. Seattle is only a few hours from where I live. My cousin Jason lives in Arizona very close to John, but I don’t get to see Jason as much since he left Oregon a few years ago. So I thought there is no reason I can’t take a few days off and travel up north to be a part of this video game fun. So that is what I did. I bought my tickets for PAX Prime back in like March or April for the event that was happening in the end of August. On the podcast they talked about it about every episode and telling people to buy tickets before they sold out because they eventually do. They apparently have a set amount that they sell. Regardless I had the tickets and I would figure the rest out later. My arrangements changed a few times over the next couple of months. I actually talked my coworker/friend Austin into going with his girlfriend. The three of us also ended up staying together while we were up there. I also talked my brother into going. Although by the time he had money to go he ended up getting tickets through a friend of his that was selling them. My brother also when up separately with his good friend Jason. My cousin and the other guys of the podcast went up separately. I know all that may sound confusing, but the point is it actually turned into quite the event. 

On the bus on my way to PAX Prime

Lets fast forward to the end of my part two of my vacation. I spent god portion of the afternoon in conversation with J’Anne till Austin called me to come pick me up. We had to meet at the Fred Meyers near by because J’Anne’s house is invisible to any navigation device....EVER! So after that was all said and done. We (Austin, Christine, and myself) showed up at our hotel outside of Seattle in Bellevue Washington. We had decided to stay outside of Seattle because it was about $100 less per day than staying by the convention center where PAX was being held. It was a pretty nice hotel that Austin Picked out and the best part for me was that there was a Whole Foods store diagonal form the hotel we stayed at. We are talking like 5 minute walking distance and most of that time was waiting for the light to change to cross the street. lol Now why is this so important for me to bring up. Well, see eating while on vacation with my limitations can be a hard thing for me to find the right foods I can eat. Having a Whole Foods near by was like having my work right next door. I loved it and we ate there pretty much every day we where there. It was my first time in a Whole Foods. It’s not just because it’s my companies competition it’s that there is no need for me to go into a store that I can get all the same things at my store with a 20% discount. lol Anyway, kudos to Austin for hooking that up it worked out really good for me. I will say their customer service is NOTHING compared to ours PERIOD.  

Outside of PAX Prime

So instead of driving in to Seattle and paying parking we decided to take public transportation. It actually worked really well. We all had passes to go all three days of the event.  Looking back now I’m very glad that we did. So early Friday morning we made our way to downtown Seattle. There were a few groups of people at our hotel that were there for PAX as well. You can spot some of them from a mile away even if they weren’t wearing lanyards with their PAX passes attached. lol We arrived at the convention center and it was a little confusing on where exactly we needed to go. Eventually we made our way into some very long lines. Glad we left so early and next time we probably could have left earlier. They masses all of us in this huge room where we got a bag of goodies. Then stood in line till it was 10 o’clock. Then in a somewhat controlled made rush we all were let into the main floor area. Now here is where it gets interesting. There was so much stuff to look at right from the get go and it didn’t stop the whole time I was at PAX actually. To start I made my way to the Battlefield 3 booth because that was the main thing I wanted to experience and was willing to wait in line for, but there was so much going on that it took me awhile to find it. I first followed Austin and Christine to the OnLive booth because before they let us through the doors they announced that they were handing out free OnLive consoles (that normally retail at around $99) at the OnLive booth. So of course everyone and their mom headed to their booth to get one. I followed them, but decided when I saw how long the line was that I was not interested. I instead played the demo for the new Zelda game coming out in November called Skyward Sword that was right next to the OnLive booth. It was pretty dope and then I resumed my hunt for the Battlefield 3 booth. I found it eventually in a back corner with a big hummer all decked out military style parked outside of the booth. I immediately got in line and didn’t look back. After waiting in line for about an hour maybe hour and half. I got my chance to play. My game froze while playing and the guy that I was playing co-op with bailed after just playing a few minutes. Thank god he did because they paired me up with another guy who was a lot more fun to play with. We actually talk to each other and worked together. Awesome that is exactly how that game is supposed to be played team work. Here is the best part when waiting in line they asked you for what name you want on the custom dog tags they make you. Of course I put my gamer tag XgS.Dirty Dongles on there and was super stoked about it. What an ingenious idea! I wore those dog tags all three days.  

Oh yeah...come to daddy..lol. =)

The rest of the day I played a few more things, but really the first day was about going around to all the booths and getting what we all called “Gamer Swag”. What do I mean by gamer swag? Almost all the booths were handing something out from T-shirts to posters to jackets to key chains just all sorts of stuff. So awesome I think I ended up with 5 shirts for free and one more later on that I paid for. TONS of cool stuff. Really it was a gamers paradise. Anything and everything relating to games was there. We aren’t just talking about video games we are talking board games, D & D, Magic cards and on top of all the video games stuff. For the first day we were there from basically 9-5pm. Austin and Christine were a bit tired and burnt out in the afternoon and when they asked me if I wanted to go back to the hotel with them I actually said yes. Because honestly it was all a bit much. I really didn’t think that I would say that, but it definitely was and this was only the first day. That is a short version of day one. Just so much going on. Including the fact that I missed the All Gen Gamers podcast meet up outside of the convention center where PAX was being held. I went into some detail for the first day because of just the raw feeling of experience of going to PAX Prime. The next two days was a lot more of the same and more exploring and trying to get things I didn’t the day before. As a gamer it was just awesome experience. 

So just a few of the highlights. Over the other two days.

Second day I got to meet up with Jason and my brother experience more of PAX together. Telling each other what “Gamer Swag” we got and what games we played and tried out. Just some awesome video game talk. 

I met two of the other three podcast guys while walking around with Jason. Both of them were really just down to earth nice guys. Just very cool to see them in real life. Pete Dorr was the only one I missed.... and I’m still angry about it. lol 

There was a very cool moment we had when we were exploring the upper level of this event. We came across a room where they had pretty much most popular video game consoles and they had a library of games you could play for certain amount of time. I was with my cousin Jason and my brother Justin. We glanced at the list of games, but yet again we were a bit overwhelmed. Lucky for us John Gamester81 was already in there playing a game. So we walked over and joined him. He was play a newer game that had just came out call Katherine. Very weird Japanese puzzle game, but like with any game my gamer buddies and I play we can make anything fun and funny. So there we were all four of us just lined up in a row passing the controller to the next person when the other one fails and the on lookers trying to help and joke around when not playing. That is what I love about playing any games and that is how it use to be for my generation of gamers. Before the days of the internet you actually had to go to other peoples houses and sit together while playing a game. I was passing out the bunny fruit snacks that I love so much and that make an appearance at all the game nights I have at my place. 

I wonder how much this cost to make and
who designed and made it. 

Sickest and Biggest LAN Party

Those were just a few of the many things that happened over the course of the three days. Now I want to talk about just my overall thoughts about PAX Prime and just video games in general. So much went through my head while just looking around PAX. Just so overwhelming to experience what this form of media has done and what it is doing to my generation and generations to come. Looking at all the booths and seeing how much money big companies are investing in the gaming industry. One of the big things that I noticed was just how diverse video games have become. How very much mainstream video games have become. It isn’t just something that nerds geek out to in their moms basement. Video games are now something that everyone plays. Don’t get me wrong there is still a big group of people there that it may have been their first time out of their moms basement to attend the event, but mass majority of people were people of all walks of life. Just awesome. Someone said that they sell like 70,000 tickets for PAX Prime. Well, I am not sure if that is true all I know is Saturday and Sunday were crazy busy compared to Friday. I think often about what I will look back on in my life and think about when I am older. This was definitely one of those experiences. Video games are a huge part of the culture of my generation and definitely our form of art. There is so much that goes into each game. I have already seen the generations below me take it for granted. Back in the day we were lucky to get one game and you played the hell out of it. Because thats all the money your parents may have had for video games back then. Now days kids finish games within days and then move on to something else. Some don’t even explore the whole game. From the music, images, and even down to the coding of these games there are many people out there putting in a lot work to make something to be enjoyed by so many. From someone that actually knows people that work in that industry take sometime to read the credits. Take time to take in the full experience of the game. Explore the whole experience and even if you don’t I will.

Oh and that dark haired girl with the Star Wars shirt & cute skirt on that I had a moment with in passing between the two main floors at PAX and I will admit I also did a double take.... I will never forget you. Thank god beautiful women are on board the video game wagon too. lol I love it! 

With love and pure D-lite. =)

My Brother getting Jiggy with the Turtle
Beach Babes. lol

Talk Nerdy to me... lol

My Summer Vacation 2011 Part 3

So this it... This is what I have been leading up to. The third and final part of my first summer vacation in I don’t even know how long. Now please get something to drink, maybe grab a snack as well, and sit back in that chair your are sitting in... I have a lot to say and I will trying to keep it as focused as I can. 

Let's see where do I start with this... Well, maybe I should start at what got me to plan my summer vacation in the first place. For that I will have to take it back a bit further than that to my cousin and close friend Jason Heine. See Jason is part of the online Youtube video game community. Which led him into being a part of a video game podcast that he does with three other well know Youtube video game guys that are also well known in the video game community. So I guess I should introduce them so you know who I am talking about. First there is Johnny Millennium who does a channel on Youtube called “The Happy Console Gamer”, next there is Pete Dorr who does a channel on Youtube called “Pete’s Gameroom”, then there is John who’s channel (the first of his many channels...lol) on Youtube is called  “Gamster81”, And last but not least Jason Heine who’s channel on Youtube is called “The Emulator Review”. All powers combined they become the “All Gen Gamers Podcast” which you can find on iTunes under video game podcasts. Plug plug plug....lol. =) So how does this all tie in together with my vacation? Well, they have been doing the podcast for over a year now and way back when they started they talked about meeting up at a video game convention called PAX Prime. Which at the time I had no idea what PAX Prime was. All the guys that are on the podcast live in all different areas of the world. So, they thought this would be an awesome way to meet up with each other and fellow gamers. One of the guys actually lives outside of the country in Canada. So not only was this an awesome event to go to it was the first time all four would be together. The location of PAX Prime is in Seattle Washington. Seattle is only a few hours from where I live. My cousin Jason lives in Arizona very close to John, but I don’t get to see Jason as much since he left Oregon a few years ago. So I thought there is no reason I can’t take a few days off and travel up north to be a part of this video game fun. So that is what I did. I bought my tickets for PAX Prime back in like March or April for the event that was happening in the end of August. On the podcast they talked about it about every episode and telling people to buy tickets before they sold out because they eventually do. They apparently have a set amount that they sell. Regardless I had the tickets and I would figure the rest out later. My arrangements changed a few times over the next couple of months. I actually talked my coworker/friend Austin into going with his girlfriend. The three of us also ended up staying together while we were up there. I also talked my brother into going. Although by the time he had money to go he ended up getting tickets through a friend of his that was selling them. My brother also when up separately with his good friend Jason. My cousin and the other guys of the podcast went up separately. I know all that may sound confusing, but the point is it actually turned into quite the event. 

Lets fast forward to the end of my part two of my vacation. I spent god portion of the afternoon in conversation with J’Anne till Austin called me to come pick me up. We had to meet at the Fred Meyers near by because J’Anne’s house is invisible to any navigation device....EVER! So after that was all said and done. We (Austin, Christine, and myself) showed up at our hotel outside of Seattle in Bellevue Washington. We had decided to stay outside of Seattle because it was about $100 less per day than staying by the convention center where PAX was being held. It was a pretty nice hotel that Austin Picked out and the best part for me was that there was a Whole Foods store diagonal form the hotel we stayed at. We are talking like 5 minute walking distance and most of that time was waiting for the light to change to cross the street. lol Now why is this so important for me to bring up. Well, see eating while on vacation with my limitations can be a hard thing for me to find the right foods I can eat. Having a Whole Foods near by was like having my work right next door. I loved it and we ate there pretty much every day we where there. It was my first time in a Whole Foods. It’s not just because it’s my companies competition it’s that there is no need for me to go into a store that I can get all the same things at my store with a 20% discount. lol Anyway, kudos to Austin for hooking that up it worked out really good for me. I will say their customer service is NOTHING compared to ours PERIOD.  

So instead of driving in to Seattle and paying parking we decided to take public transportation. It actually worked really well. We all had passes to go all three days of the event.  Looking back now I’m very glad that we did. So early Friday morning we made our way to downtown Seattle. There were a few groups of people at our hotel that were there for PAX as well. You can spot some of them from a mile away even if they weren’t wearing lanyards with their PAX passes attached. lol We arrived at the convention center and it was a little confusing on where exactly we needed to go. Eventually we made our way into some very long lines. Glad we left so early and next time we probably could have left earlier. They masses all of us in this huge room where we got a bag of goodies. Then stood in line till it was 10 o’clock. Then in a somewhat controlled made rush we all were let into the main floor area. Now here is where it gets interesting. There was so much stuff to look at right from the get go and it didn’t stop the whole time I was at PAX actually. To start I made my way to the Battlefield 3 booth because that was the main thing I wanted to experience and was willing to wait in line for, but there was so much going on that it took me awhile to find it. I first followed Austin and Christine to the OnLive booth because before they let us through the doors they announced that they were handing out free OnLive consoles (that normally retail at around $99) at the OnLive booth. So of course everyone and their mom headed to their booth to get one. I followed them, but decided when I saw how long the line was that I was not interested. I instead played the demo for the new Zelda game coming out in November called Skyward Sword that was right next to the OnLive booth. It was pretty dope and then I resumed my hunt for the Battlefield 3 booth. I found it eventually in a back corner with a big hummer all decked out military style parked outside of the booth. I immediately got in line and didn’t look back. After waiting in line for about an hour maybe hour and half. I got my chance to play. My game froze while playing and the guy that I was playing co-op with bailed after just playing a few minutes. Thank god he did because they paired me up with another guy who was a lot more fun to play with. We actually talk to each other and worked together. Awesome that is exactly how that game is supposed to be played team work. Here is the best part when waiting in line they asked you for what name you want on the custom dog tags they make you. Of course I put my gamer tag XgS.Dirty Dongles on there and was super stoked about it. What an ingenious idea! I wore those dog tags all three days.  

The rest of the day I played a few more things, but really the first day was about going around to all the booths and getting what we all called “Gamer Swag”. What do I mean by gamer swag? Almost all the booths were handing something out from T-shirts to posters to jackets to key chains just all sorts of stuff. So awesome I think I ended up with 5 shirts for free and one more later on that I paid for. TONS of cool stuff. Really it was a gamers paradise. Anything and everything relating to games was there. We aren’t just talking about video games we are talking board games, D & D, Magic cards and on top of all the video games stuff. For the first day we were there from basically 9-5pm. Austin and Christine were a bit tired and burnt out in the afternoon and when they asked me if I wanted to go back to the hotel with them I actually said yes. Because honestly it was all a bit much. I really didn’t think that I would say that, but it definitely was and this was only the first day. That is a short version of day one. Just so much going on. Including the fact that I missed the All Gen Gamers podcast meet up outside of the convention center where PAX was being held. I went into some detail for the first day because of just the raw feeling of experience of going to PAX Prime. The next two days was a lot more of the same and more exploring and trying to get things I didn’t the day before. As a gamer it was just awesome experience. 

So just a few of the highlights. Over the other two days.

Second day I got to meet up with Jason and my brother experience more of PAX together. Telling each other what “Gamer Swag” we got and what games we played and tried out. Just some awesome video game talk. 

I met two of the other three podcast guys while walking around with Jason. Both of them were really just down to earth nice guys. Just very cool to see them in real life. Pete Dorr was the only one I missed.... and I’m still angry about it. lol 

There was a very cool moment we had when we were exploring the upper level of this event. We came across a room where they had pretty much most popular video game consoles and they had a library of games you could play for certain amount of time. I was with my cousin Jason and my brother Justin. We glanced at the list of games, but yet again we were a bit overwhelmed. Lucky for us John Gamester81 was already in there playing a game. So we walked over and joined him. He was play a newer game that had just came out call Katherine. Very weird Japanese puzzle game, but like with any game my gamer buddies and I play we can make anything fun and funny. So there we were all four of us just lined up in a row passing the controller to the next person when the other one fails and the on lookers trying to help and joke around when not playing. That is what I love about playing any games and that is how it use to be for my generation of gamers. Before the days of the internet you actually had to go to other peoples houses and sit together while playing a game. I was passing out the bunny fruit snacks that I love so much and that make an appearance at all the game nights I have at my place. 

Those were just a few of the many things that happened over the course of the three days. Now I want to talk about just my overall thoughts about PAX Prime and just video games in general. So much went through my head while just looking around PAX. Just so overwhelming to experience what this form of media has done and what it is doing to my generation and generations to come. Looking at all the booths and seeing how much money big companies are investing in the gaming industry. One of the big things that I noticed was just how diverse video games have become. How very much mainstream video games have become. It isn’t just something that nerds geek out to in their moms basement. Video games are now something that everyone plays. Don’t get me wrong there is still a big group of people there that it may have been their first time out of their moms basement to attend the event, but mass majority of people were people of all walks of life. Just awesome. Someone said that they sell like 70,000 tickets for PAX Prime. Well, I am not sure if that is true all I know is Saturday and Sunday were crazy busy compared to Friday. I think often about what I will look back on in my life and think about when I am older. This was definitely one of those experiences. Video games are a huge part of the culture of my generation and definitely our form of art. There is so much that goes into each game. I have already seen the generations below me take it for granted. Back in the day we were lucky to get one game and you played the hell out of it. Because thats all the money your parents may have had for video games back then. Now days kids finish games within days and then move on to something else. Some don’t even explore the whole game. From the music, images, and even down to the coding of these games there are many people out there putting in a lot work to make something to be enjoyed by so many. From someone that actually knows people that work in that industry take sometime to read the credits. Take time to take in the full experience of the game. Explore the whole experience and even if you don’t I will.

Oh and that dark haired girl with the Star Wars shirt & cute skirt on that I had a moment with in passing between the two main floors at PAX and I will admit I also did a double take.... I will never forget you. Thank god beautiful women are on board the video game wagon too. lol I love it! 

With love and pure D-lite. =)

Summer Vacation Part 2... =)

Previously on the path of pure d-lite....

...I wrote about my short trip to Washington to see my Aunt and my cousins that I had not seen in almost 2 decades. On part two of my Summer Vacation of 2011 I will be talking about the more reflective part of my vacation. 

A little over a decade ago things were a lot different for me. I was staying with my buddy and his parents to finish out my senior year in high school. Why was I staying at my buddy’s parents house instead of my own mothers house? Well, do to my mothers divorce she had to sell the house I had lived in for 15 some years. Don’t worry I am not going to go into all that. The point of me bringing this up is being thrown into that position I was living with another family I actually became part of another family. I often refer to the Jackman family as my second family. They have done so much for me. From the moment I became friends with Mike in sixth grade to current day. How does this tie into my vacation you might ask? Well, after staying almost 2 years after graduating high school and having to move on from living with the Jackmans because Doug (Mike’s father) got a job up north in Seattle. All the Jackmans have moved up north eventually from Oregon. Mike being the last one to leave Oregon. So for the second part of my 10 days off from work my glorious “Summer Vacation” I made arrangements to go see some of the Jackmans. I talked with J’anne (Mike’s mother) and Mike to see if they would be available to see me for a few days before the last part of my vacation that was near where they lived. Of course I did this months in advance and they were both very excited to see me. So Sunday early evening is when I got back from my Aunt’s and Monday morning 9am I took the first Amtrak train to Seattle. As many of you now from reading my past blogs or watching my train video know that I love riding the train very much. It’s the closest thing I have to spending a day with my father. It was a very easy and wonderful trip up to Seattle. The weather was the best it has been for me when riding the train up to Seattle. I arrived around noon. There at the train station waiting for me was Mike and his girlfriend Sylvia. We then proceeded to head back to the Seattle area suburbs to meet up with J’anne for some lunch. Now I am not going to give you a detailed description on what happened for those 4 days. I will tell you what I got out of it. 

First off, the best thing I got out of these 4 days was sleep.... I know that sounds silly, but it was amazing too get a full nights sleep. To wake up when the body was ready to wake...not when it was obligated to wake up. I had plans to meet up with Mike and Sylvia everyday I was there, but there was no rush on when that was to happen. We also really didn’t have an exact plan either of what we were to do together. Normally that would bother me, but my life has been very busy of late and it was nice to let go of that. 

Second, Being able to have long chats with Mike and J’anne over the course of those few days. Especially J’anne. Her and I got in a few long conversations like we normally do when staying at her house. It is very engaging to talk with her. She is a Sagittarius and again like my Aunt I love that energy. My sister is as well and there is a lot about the connection that does well for me. There is nothing we don’t talk about. There is no judgement. It’s just two people having a good old fashioned conversation. That I truly missed. J’anne and I when I lived with her on many days would sit in their family room playing Tetris and talking about anything that came to mind for hours. I am very thankful to have her in my life. She gave me a wonderful place to stay and relax. A home away from home if you will. This visit was not my first mind you. She helped me come up for last years Superbowl that was not to long after my bike accident. It was very sweet of her and it was awesome to get way from everything even for a few days. I also came up for my birthday few years ago when I started this blog. I even wrote a few early entries in my blog while up there.

Also, while staying with J’anne I got to see both of her wonderful cats. One is named Scrawny butt and the other is named Balrog. They are both very sweet cats. I was surprised this time around when visiting them that when taking my stuff upstairs I was greeted by both of them. Normally Scrawny butt takes some time to warm up to me.  This time around she did not shy away at all. Balrog never has a problem he loooooooves the attention. He makes me smile. He is such a loving cat. He greeted me every morning I was there. Always wanting to be involved with whatever it was that I was doing. I have a funny pic of him trying to get on my lap when I was working at my computer. He only got half way on my lap and seems just fine with what he got. Just a very affectionate cat and it’s hard not to want to pet him.

Scrawny Butt greeting me upstairs

Balrog on the table before I told him to get down

So cute. =)

Balrog a.ka. the bathroom Gargoyle...lol

Balrog trying to get on my lap while I was working on my laptop

Balrog on the bed waiting for me to get started for the day

Finally, I got to spend some time with Mike and Sylvia and the family. Mainly the two youngest girls. Sammy and Jessy. They are pretty close in age. I don’t remember exactly, but I want to say about a year apart or maybe a little bit more. They are a perfect combination for each other. Sammy is a chatter box and Jessy (the older one) is a bit more quiet, but she is very intelligent when she speaks and usually fills in the blanks for Sammy as she is rambling away. One night I sat with Sammy and tried to help her with her Madagascar 2 video game. She was too cute. She did much of it herself I was very impressed. All why she was talking away too mind you. For the most part we just talked, played cards, played some video games, and watch the movie Inception which I hadn’t seen yet. It was some just good old fashioned hanging out with friends. 

Looking back over the whole vacation something that I did think a lot about while I was hanging out with them is that I was definitely the third wheel. I spent much of time thinking about that over my vacation in general actually. Just the fact that lately I have been playing the third wheel a lot when out with friends or doing things with others. It has been weighting on me a lot lately. Nothing against any of the couples that I have hung out with they haven’t done anything really to make me feel that way it just is what is right now. It has not been a good thing for me these days when I have been very lonely and struggling with being single. The last day I was there I was talking to J’anne about it. It helped a little, but honestly it’s not something that will just fix itself. I will just say I am working on it. Some things are out of my hands. I just have to push forward and continue to make the best me that I can be. I long for the days to have a special person of my own to share my life with. Till then I love where I am and were I am pushing myself to. I must continue to focus on the parts of life that I can control because we all are blessed with this gift called life. Enjoy it because it is NOT forever. =)

As usual I give you this with love and pure D-lite. =)

Too be continued....

Can I please go to Grandma's house? =)

As the years pass there are many things I think about more than I ever use to. Sometimes thoughts come to me over time or all at once. One of the things that I think about a lot lately is my Grandma Heine. I didn’t realize till recently how much she had an impact on me and who I am today. Before I get ahead of my self let me start from the beginning of this realization. 

It was 2006 at the end of November. I woke up not feeling well. Just one of those not quite flu like sicknesses, but rather more just felt off and not physically up to par for the day. I laid on the couch all day watching movies. I don’t even really remember which ones I watched. I remember it being gross outside, a typical Oregon fall day cloudy and gray. I remember it getting dark early that day as well. I think it was around 4 or 5 in the afternoon my sister came home from work. Which was weird at that time because she usually got off after 7 at night. She walked in and found me on the couch and asked if I was ok. I told her that I had called into work. She then asked me if I had heard what had happened that day. I remember giving her a confused look and I said no. She then told me that my Grandma Pauline Heine had past away that day. I really didn’t know what to say. It definitely wasn’t the impact that my fathers death had on me. I remember thinking how it seemed fitting to add to my already horrible day. The other reason I wasn’t so bothered at the time is that she had been battling cancer that last year and a half. She had been in lots of pain. I went to see her a few weeks before and I knew as I hugged her on the front porch of her house that would be the last time I hugged her. After that she became increasingly ill very quickly. So for her sake I think that first day my reaction was actually a sigh of relief. She felt no more pain and she got to see my father again finally. She was never the same after his death nor was my grandfather and with good reason really. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to lose a child. I hope I never find out. They say when someone dies you never lose them all at once. You lose them in pieces. My grandma’s death was another example of how true that is. That brings me to why I’m writing this blog. Because although I didn’t see my Grandma very often when I was younger because of visitation. I am definitely finding that she left me with more of herself than I ever thought before her death. 

My grandma and my sister Paula. One of the few pics I have of
my grandmother since she didn't like us to take pictures of her. 

On my visits to my fathers house every other weekend I really did try to get to my grandma’s house as much as possible. It wasn’t just because I wanted to take a break from my father. It was a lot more entertaining to be at grandma’s house. Besides her feeding me home cooked food and she always had treats of some sort like a good grandma should. There was more at work. There is all sorts of memories I tie into my relationship with my grandma. Some of the memories are as small as I remember I learned how to cut a banana with a butter knife when she put banana slices on my cereal in the morning. There was many funny little memories too like her threat to spank us when us kids got out of hand by saying “I’m going to thunder gust” lol What does that even mean? Regardless the threat was enough for us kids. I only remember her following through once and it wasn’t that bad. For me it was more about not letting my grandma down. The memories of her singing a long to the real oldies of her generation playing on her old am radio on Sunny 910 for those of you that live in Portland back in the day know what I am talking about. The Memories of her watching reruns of Lawrence Welk like every episode was brand new. She had a beautiful voice. Every time I sew on a button or when I see someone sew. She was an incredible at sewing things. She definitely passed that skill on to her only daughter and even rubbed off on my sister as well. I still have a quilt she made that I love dearly. I also do things in the kitchen that remind me of her. Like my stock pile of old plastic containers that I keep around. I remember my grandmother kept every plastic container she got probably all the way back to when they first moved into the house my grandfather built for them in 1952. Even down to yogurt containers even the ones without a lid. I also keep twist ties and rubber-bands around when I get them like she use to. I have peanut butter that is similar to her big jar of Adam’s peanut butter with the oil sitting on top. 

I lost the pics I had of while I was making it,
but this was the end result. It doesn't look like
 much, but it's SO GOOD! 

But the biggest thing that really made me think about her was recently I got some free raspberries. My grandma had lots of raspberry bushes in her backyard and so in between just eating them straight off the bushes or eating her famous raspberry freezer jam those free raspberries took me right back to my grandma. I got inspire to make some of my own freezer jam. Oh and I did let me tell you. I even put my own spin on it because I don’t have her recipe. I used an alternative sugar source as well. It turned out so good and one bite of that jam on top of a waffle took me right back to my grandma’s kitchen. Ten years ago I would not have thought that I would be a cook like I am now. I am not the best cook out there, but like my grandma I have a desire to make good food and share with others. She never went to cooking school. She learned the hard way. She learned from doing it everyday for over 50 years. She cooked regularly for her four children and one really picky husband. That is what really inspires me to keep learning. To always try to do it myself. Because much of my generation is becoming lazy. Somehow I feel I have her over my shoulder helping me figure it out as I go so that always helps me. I to have the desire to cook for my wife and children if I have any or maybe just as an uncle. I think of all the wonderful dishes she made for us. Her famous potatoes in the morning, her special noodle dish she would make for me, and her famous Santa cookies she made every holiday. The list could go on for years. I think of her often when cooking and it would be interesting to have some conversations with her now about all my gluten free and dairy free cooking I do. 

Now I don’t want to say my grandma wasn’t without faults. She left us with many issues with our own body imagine with her constantly getting on us about our weight. Most of which she picked up from my own grandfather. There are other things as well, but that is not what I want to get into. I’m writing this blog to appreciate the good things my grandmother left me with. This is a blog about thanks for the unconditional love she gave us kids and all the hard work she did through out her life. When I am cleaning my house I think of her as well. Especially when mopping my floors I have a distinct memory of her on her hands and knees scrubbing the floors. Being a housewife is a lot of work and not as easy as it seems. It inspires me to make sure my wife never does all the work. That a man can step up and put in work too. Thank you Grandma I love you and miss you dearly. I wish more than anything to make you a meal for once and treat you like the wonderful lady that you were underneath all the politics. Till we meet again for another hug I keep you in my heart a bushel and a peck. I will pass on as much as I can to the generation below me. 

As always with love and pure D-lite. =)

Your Grandson =) 

Oh yes...it's that time again...

I almost wrote an entry about the changing of the seasons last week when I had my early morning shift at work and it definitely felt like a fall morning. I had to wear a sweat shirt and gloves (and still was quite cold) to make it to work on my short bike ride. I didn’t write it then because half way through the day it cleared up and acted like summer again. Thats exactly how our summer has been in Oregon...back and forth. Today was definitely different...fall stayed around the whole day. Oh the changing of the seasons. Normally I would be a bit more excited about the fall in Oregon. It is in fact very very nice here in Oregon when the ending of another year comes around. There is only two reasons why I am a little bitter this time. 

Reason one: I feel like I was robbed a actual summer here in Oregon. Now I know that the rest of the country was having “too much summer”, but for me I like having summer to be actually like summer. Even though we did have some pretty hot days throughout  the summer it was never steady warm summer days and quite frankly it was damn right too cold most of the summer. Plus June was completely wiped of the summer forecast. 

Second reason: Well this one is kind of an on going reason. Each year I get older time flies by faster and faster. Us old folks say it all the time. As kids I just thought the old folks were just crazy... turns out they still are, but they also are right. As a kid the summer seemed endless almost. Three whole months off of our only responsibility as a kid which was going to school. Oh those were the days. 

But enough about me crying like a baby about the summer lost. Fall brings great things. As I opened the blinds to my back door and then opened the sliding glass door to get a good full breath of fall...*taste a deep breath*... which is most definitely on its way. Those short and cold days are making there way here. Usually summer holds on till at least the third week of September here in Oregon. This year is definitely the exception. This early taste of fall has me peering at my book shelves at the 30,000 books I haven’t finish because I can’t read...*tear*. Ok well maybe not the last part....lol. Thinking about cold walks through the neighborhoods watching the the leaves change color over the next couple of months. Fall is an interesting season. It’s usually a time for much reflection for me. So I am sure there will be many blog entries to come. Also lots of movie watching and snuggling *wink wink*, video gaming playing, and football watching.  Oh and let us not forget the beginning of the holiday seasons. Everyone that works in retail just rolled their eyes...lol. Oh come on there is lots of fun to be had. I need to start putting my Halloween costume together. Well now...I just finished having some pot roast with my sister. It was very D-licious... and a wonderful way to kick off the early fall season. 

Next I need to get a pumpkin spice candle and...


OH! and don't forget that we get an hour back soon... more sleep good. lol

With love and pure D-lite. =)

And remember... before you know it... It will be Groundhogs Day...lol. 

Maybe that is why they call it the G-spot...

Well, it’s the world cup time again and as I’m watching as many games as I can. Which because the time difference between here on the West coast of the united states and that of south Africa is quite different. I have had much time to learn to enjoy the sport though that is play around the globe. It’s the universal language throughout the world. It’s kinda of a big deal...well maybe not as much here in the united states, but that is starting to change. Watching this world cup really got me really thinking ... why is it I like to watch soccer so much? I use to think it was boring... it takes forever to score, it’s a lot of exercise, and they celebrate the goals for like FOR... EVER! lol

Well, it must be part of me becoming the old man that I am...lol, but that has changed. 

If you think about those reasons I stated above there is a common theme between futbol and another thing that is a universal in this world. It is also quite a big deal to most of us. If you haven’t already guess it I am talking about sex. Now I can’t speak for all of us, but for me this is how I made the connection between these two things. As I have stated before in past blog about the average time a guy can hold out before scoring that ever so wonderful goal....lol. Well for me sex should be played a lot like soccer and here is why. 

If you work at sex the right way to me it should be an event not just a small block of time in you schedule. It should take some work to get to that G-spot and get that goal. Because those orgasms/goals that you work hard to get are always better and enough to celebrate as much as running to the corner of the field and have your whole team pile on you. For you women I am very jealous I read a fact the other day that the average female orgasm last 25 seconds. Well celebration on the soccer field can be a bit longer than that, but that’s ok. Both are something that should be soaked in and celebrated. Now if you have a good match between to great teams.... there might be many shots on goal, but you might go in at halftime 0-0. That’s ok though. Both teams take a step back and rethink there strategy and come out in the second half more determined. Now lets say there is an early score...(like in most USA world cup games this year..lol) That’s ok to it happens sometimes....(lets just not let it happen all the time gentlemen lol) that should only spark the other team to pick it up. In sex the perfect score is in fact a draw, but more of the 1-1 and beyond type. Though there will be times when neither team can seem to make any head way in the way of scoring. Well both can live to try again soon... hopefully very soon. lol For me it’s all about the counter attack. Either getting very close one side of the field and it sparking the other team to head down the field and score! Or maybe one team finally hits that goal and the other team takes right down the field and answers right back. That’s what I am talking about. lol ;-)

The biggest thing though that made me think about this (other than I’m fucking crazy) is the anticipation of getting that goal. The crowd goes wild when the ball makes it close to the penalty box. Well, in my experience the closer you get the climax the more the crazy sex can get. You can hear the suspense on the soccer field with the blowing of the vuvuzelas. Can’t speak for everyone, but sex can get crazy....lol and you know what it should be! Let loose... scream till you lose your voice... fuck the neighbors...lol. Get those goals! Till you hit that G-spot! 

I’m crazy and random. That’s what I love about myself the most. =)

With love, D-lite =)

P.S. Go Germany!!!