Life Through Music: “Mercy” by Dave Mathews Band

Now, I’m not going to lie to you the first few times I put Dave Matthew's newest album “Away From The World” in my CD player (yes, I still have a CD player) I really wasn’t feeling it. In my defense when talking to a coworker who is a huge Dave Mathews fan (who also shared a similar feeling of the album when we spoke) I said, “I’m going to have to play it some more and let it set in”. Well, I have let it set in and this album...*takes a moment to pause* is amazing. I get chills just thinking of what an impact this album has made on me in just a short period of time. Wow. I love music. 

There is so much I have taken from this album I don’t even know where to begin. So, I guess that I will start at the song “Mercy”. On the album there is two version of this song. One version is the album version and the other version is a live version. Both are very moving and I love the song so much its awesome to get to hear it twice before the album finishes. I picked this song in particular because in light of the Boston bombings of a few weeks ago I have been questioning what is the world that we are living in headed too? This is such a big question and to each one of us we all have our own opinion. For me its always necessary to question life. It’s part of how I process life and the craziness that is. What my questions about life always leads me back to is hope and love. 

Always love. 

I can’t predict the future nor would I want to, but I can fill my future with as much love and hope as I can. Oh and how I do these days. Considering this recent situation and all the other ones before & after it we can take the opportunity to change ourselves. We can do this by deciding what things we value that are truly important to us by waking up to reality. Remember for every bad person in this world there are a million more good people. The more people there are in this world however the harder it seems to get along peacefully. We as Americans seemed so shocked by the bombings in Boston when in fact many places in this world deal with this type of threat daily. I remember talking to an old coworker years ago at my last job who lived in Israel during his childhood. He told me whenever you saw someone during the day you always told them everything you needed to tell them because you never knew if that was the last time you would see them. What a way to live. It’s actually very much how I try to live my life everyday. Because regardless of what you tell yourself at night we all will not be here forever. That may sound a little negative, but in actuality if you can wrap your head around that and live every moment to the fullest then you will really begin to live. I truly cherish ever moment I have in life. I try to appreciate those that are in my life as much as possible and love them for who they are no matter what.

Always love.

Reading through the lyrics just now to gather my direct thoughts to the lyrics themselves  and I’m still taken back by how awesome they are. I haven’t had a song speak so close to my heart in a long time. 

Don't give up 

I know you can see 

All the world and the mess that were making 

Can't give up 

And hope God will intercede 

Come on back 

(Some sit around and wait for something or someone to step up to wave that magic wand and make it all better. We all are the magic wand and we are capable of such great things if only we allow it.) 

Imagine that we could get it together 

Stand up for what we need to be 

Cause crime won't save our feet or hungry child 

Can't lay down and hope no miracles change things 

So lift up your eyes 

Lift up your heart 

(Yes, IMAGINE. John Lennon spoke of a similar message. We are the miracles. Every single one of us is just that... a miracle. So, don’t let your head fall. Instead rise up and accept it. Lift up your heart and love.) 

Singing mercy will we overcome this 

Oh one by one could we turn it around 

Maybe carry on just a little bit longer 

And I try to give you what you need 

(One by one we can be the change we want. Change the things you value and you will see that you have everything you need.)

Me and you and you and you 

Just want to be free yeah 

(*points at you and you and you*)

But you see all the world is just as we've made it 

And until we got a new world 

(We are the world we create and we have no one to blame but ourselves.) 

Got to say that love is not a whisper or a weakness 

No love is strong 

(This is probably the most powerful message in this song to me. I remember my sister posting a quote on Facebook that said, “Love is louder”. That thought is truly moving.) 

So we got to get together yeah 

Gotta get gotta get gotta get 

Til there is no reason 

To fight 

(Till there is no reason to fight...god wouldn’t that be awesome. My heart overflows with joy just thinking about it.)

Mercy will we overcome this 

Oh one by one could we turn it around 

Maybe carry on just a little bit longer 

And I try to give you what you need 

One by one....

Yeah... 

Ah... 

Oh... 

Yeah... 

Mercy will we overcome this 

Oh we come to far to turn it around 

Oh and asked too much to be a little bit stronger 

But I want to give you what you need 

Mercy what will become of us 

Oh one by one could we turn it around 

Maybe carry on just a little bit longer 

And I try to give you what you need

We will overcome this....

I know that every time something this bad happens everyone goes back to that Mr. Rogers quote about his mom telling him when something tragic happens to always look for the helpers. The people that rise above the tragedy and with absolute love help others. Well, I don’t want to label myself as such, but I will say that why I write is to help anyone willing to listen. I may not always be right or know the answers, but I give you my whole heart. It is my way of giving back. To move people. To help people. To love. Because in the end I want to be remembered for nothing more than those three things. If for nothing else I hope that you find solace, peace, and above all love in my words. Darkness only makes the light brighter. Be the light. 

One by one...

As always I bring this to you will so much love and pure D-lite. = )

 

Life Through Music: "Fantastic" by Will.I.Am.

If there is one thing I know it's what music to play during all the stages of a break up. Well, that and my collection of slow jams when in a relationship. I love my slow jams that's for sure, but I know the breakup songs too. Funny enough I know breakups very well even though my list of girlfriends is very short. Part of that is because besides the tough breakups of all my past relationship I also spent 8 plus years basically breaking up with Laura. So, as you can imagine that has created a huge catalog of songs regarding this topic. If you have been following this blog long enough you will know I always look at the bright side of everything. So, the bright side of the mess that was Laura and I is I have found some really great and powerful songs to help repair and rebuild myself from the ground up. Some of these song continue to do this even without being in a breakup. The song I picked for this week is one of those songs. That song is off of Will.I.Am's second solo album titled "Songs About Girls" (sounds like the story of my life). Will.I.Am is one of the members of the very popular hip-hop/pop group called Black Eyed Peas. I bought this album day one back in 2008 when I was living with my brother. I bring this up because he made a comment one day pertaining to how much I really did play this album which might have been a lot. Well, when I like something I really like something and this album is awesome. I really think I like every track on the album which is always a hard thing to do these days. Well, for those of us that still buy whole albums that is. 

Anyway, I picked this song because it truly fits where I am right now with my life. I really feel fantastic beyond words. These days I’m just having fun and living life. I’m just doing really well with just being me and it feels fantastic. So, in case any of my exes or Laura herself actually cares to know...I'm freaking fantastic. The song talks a lot about that awkward aftermath of what comes after when you break ties to someone you became very connected to. See for ever girl I have pursued or dated I always seem to go back at some point and see how they are later on down the road. Sometimes it's me putting in the effort to find them or sometimes they find me. Either way I usually try to clear up any issues that might have been lingering since we last talked. There is only two women that I have never talk to again after I hung up on them. So, the question you probably want to know is do I ever intend to clear the air or contact Laura ever again? I can't tell you right how at this moment I can easily say no. It's not even about hatred or anger towards her. There is no reason to be in contact with someone like her ever again. I have a feeling she may in fact still read my blog and I also know her well enough to know she probably has lots if things she wants to say to me about things I have said in my writings if she has read them. So far she hasn’t tried to contact me because she knows how capable I am of staying away from her and deflecting her bullshit. Life's great without all of her drama that's for sure. This specific question is kind of leading me into something I want to talk about more by itself with it’s own blog entry so I will leave it at that. So, now with Laura it makes three women on that list of exes that I have no intention of talking to again. Been there, done that. Things like her are not worth my time and energy. Again, this effort over the years to make peace and to check in with the women I have had in my life is just another part of who I am. I care and always will. Even though I have no intentions of contacting Laura ever again I wish her and all the other women the best I really do.

Lets look into the exact lyrics and see if I can pull any other thoughts out of his words: 

I'm alright, I'm alright

I'm alright, I'm fantastic

I'm alright, I'm alright

I'm alright, I'm fantastic, I'm all

Nine years of lovin' you

That's now flushed down the drain

(Well, that’s pretty accurate.)

Six years was a bundle of joy

The last two was pain

(Just 2...lets stick with 9.) 

Too immature to handle love

We were just playin' games

(Well, one of us was....)

You used to say I was your everythin'

Now, you can't say my name

(Well, after the things I said to her I doubt she will ever name a son after me.) 

I never thought that I could survive

Without you in my life

(What a fool I “was”.) 

If you was wonderin' about how I'm doin'

Baby, I'm doin' alright

(Somewhere deep in that heart of hers I know she does.)

But it don't even look like you would cry

If I was to up and die, die tomorrow

But that's alright, girl 'cause

(Yep, its completely okay. It really is.)

(I'm alright)

Don't even worry 'bout me

(I'm alright)

Don't even worry 'bout me

(I'm alright)

I'm doin' good now

(I'm fantastic)

Super duper, baby

(You have no idea and I can’t stop smiling.) 

(I'm alright)

Don't even worry 'bout me

(I'm alright)

I'm super duper, baby

(I'm alright)

I'm doin' good now

(I'm fantastic)

Yeah

(I'm all)

Six months and a couple of weeks and not one call from you girl

Three months after we broke down, I moved up in the world

(Yes, I most definitely have.)

I wanna know what's goin on, what's goin on in your life

(I’m alway curious and I really hope its better than when I last talk to you.)

I know it's really hard to be my friend, when you were gon' be my wife

We used to love our relationship, but now we just can't relate

I understand why you had to go and change your, love for me into hate

(Definitely couldn’t see eye to eye and that’s what lead to the final ending. So true. I get it. One day you will see the truth.) 

And that's why I believe you wouldn't cry, if I was to up and die

Die tomorrow, uh-huh-uhhh, but that's alright gi-irrrl, cause

Don't even worry 'bout me [x2]

I'm doin good now, super duper baby

I'm doin good now, i'm fantastic

Fantastic, yeah

Fan-Ta-Stic...

Fan-Ta-Stic...

Fan-Ta-Stic [x14]

(No really I am Fantastic.) 

I know that you are probably thinking that this song is a way to rub it in to past women in my life. I can assure you that it is most definitely not a song to rub in the fact that I’m doing fantastic. Its a song to reflect the fact that I am really and truly doing fantastic. I’m just being real. I wish Laura and all the others the same as I feel right now in this moment. “Times are a changing” is my saying these days and many things have changed about me. This pattern with women is changing as well. It feels good to make progress in this area in my life. It makes me feel much lighter and maybe that is why I’m shedding fat like its going out of style. Progress always feels good. How are you? How close to fantastic are you? 

I know I have talked about relationships a lot in the blog entries of late and I almost didn’t go there with this entry, but I had too. This is where I’m at and this is what I’m working on. This is where my thoughts are and this is the work I’m doing so that’s why I decided to continue with this blog entry. I will also have my travel blog entry for my trip to Arizona coming soon I promise. I’m just trying to keep writing as much as possible whenever I have time.

As always I bring this to you with love and pure D-lite. = )

Life Through Music: "Mirrors" by Justin Timberlake

I have so much on mind I almost don't know where to start. So, I will start here with my song of the week because the song I picked for this week has had a big impact on me and some of the things I will talk about in the blog entries to follow. Without further ado lets get at it. 

I was super excited when I heard the news a few months ago that Justin Timberlake was set to release a new album in March. The year 2013 seems to be the year of new music from some of my favorite artist. JT's album is the first one on the list. I was excited because I'm doing great these days so any dance and groove type music always does me good to keep that feeling going. 

What I was surprised to find out about the album after listening to it a lot after I got it is that beyond the great groove of the album itself there was one song that immediately stood out to me. That song is called "Mirrors". Now, here is another situation when I don't relate directly to the song in the way it's written so to speak. The song however gives me the same powerful message, but in my case it's more about self discovery than doing it through another person. Although part of it is actually about what I have learned about a past situation with a woman. Most of what speaks to me in this song is about what I have found looking in the mirror at myself. I think the best way to explain myself is go through the lyrics and explain directly after what they mean to me. 

"Mirrors"

Aren't you somethin' to admire?

Cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror

Finally, I can look in the mirror and feel proud of all the hard work I have put in regarding myself. To take the time to really appreciate all the extra effort spent on my health. To see the results of all the love that I have put back into myself. Aren’t I something to admire? Why yes Derrick, you are and I’m very proud of myself. I know I have had many things that have motivated me and continued to motivate me, but above all of that I did all of this for me and only me. Many people have said to me that I should have gone on the show The Biggest Loser because of all my progress. I always answer that phrase with this response, “I don’t need that show to get where I want to go. I do this for me and no one else.” However, thinking about it now I would only go on there to motivate others. Inspiring others really makes me happy. To show them how possible it is can be so powerful. When I say I do this only for myself it is not to be selfish, but instead I mean it in the most powerful way possible. See until you can dive into yourself and really do it for you it will always seem harder and often fail. This applies to other things than just weight loss. I remember that in my last text conversation/fight with Laura when I was dropping all connections to her and hitting her with the plain truth she said to me, “You have me fuming! I have never been talk to like this before. You have me wanting to prove you wrong so bad.” What I said back was, “It doesn’t matter what I did to you or how much you want to prove me wrong you will never succeed if you don’t do it for yourself. Because if it solely worked on that principle then you would have been sober a long time ago.” Truth be told she has had as much adversity and help as anyone I have ever seen and she still always ended up hating herself. She is very good at suppressing the real problem, but it will always surface eventually. 

And I can't help but notice

You reflect in this heart of mine

Ever since my father died I look at life so differently. The further and further I go to become the Derrick I am I try as hard as I can to speak directly from the heart. This is not always easy, but always necessary. What a beautiful heart I have and as the Derrick that has been hidden under (at one time hundreds of pounds of fat) my heart is now the thing that grows bigger. What a wonderful reflection I make in my own heart.

If you ever feel alone and

The glare makes me hard to find

Just know that I'm always

Parallel on the other side

We all go through dark times in our life, but it’s important not to get trapped there. Remember that there is light on the other side no matter how hard it maybe to see at times. I know from the work that I have done that the more bad stuff inside you that you clear out the less darkness you will see and the easier it becomes to come back to the light. 

Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul

I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go

Just put your hand on the glass

I'm here tryin' to pull you through

You just gotta be strong

I always get to a great place with myself and then something pushes me back. Every time it happens though I get up and become more determined than the last time. Currently I’m the most focused I have ever been in my entire life and that too continues to grow. I’m now not allowing those things that don’t serve me to enter my life anymore. I will not be stopped. There isn’t a place I can’t go or a person I can’t be. I intend on being the healthiest and happiest version of myself.  

I don't wanna lose you now

I'm lookin' right at the other half of me

I have worked so hard to get to where I am now I WILL NOT LOSE YOU AGAIN. I look in the mirror and not only do I see the other half of me I see the whole me and I can’t help but smile back. 

The vacancy that sat in my heart

Is a space that now you hold

Self love. The part of my heart that I was trying to fill with someone else is no longer vacant. “Sorry, seat’s taken...” This is not to say that I’m not looking for someone to be with, but this time around I’m looking for a healthy kind of love. 

Show me how to fight for now

And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy

Comin' back here to you once I figured it out

You were right here all along

This is probably my favorite part of the song and what really spoke to me. It’s always about fighting for now. I have finally made it back to me and realized that I have been here the whole time. It’s funny how much we get lost in life and forget what is right in front of ourselves. Especially in regards to ourselves. You are right here. 

It's like you're my mirror

My mirror staring back at me

So, when I was chasing after Laura and others, I was picking women that were a reflection of myself in many ways. Times are a changing in the reflection I’m looking for in the person I choose to be with in life. Plus the reflection I’m making to myself is pretty sweet. 

I couldn't get any bigger

With anyone else beside of me

I never realize how much some of the bad situations that I have pick for myself bring me down till I fully step away. My whole situation with Laura is the best example of that. I cannot be me or become the person I want to be if that person isn’t helping that process. I will not tolerate that kind of negative energy anymore and I finally feel free of all of what went on in the past. 

And now it's clear as this promise

That we're making

Two reflections into one

Cause it's like you're my mirror

My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me

This is a serious promise and one I intend to keep. I’m putting myself back together. I won’t have to in vision the person I want to be I will only have to look in the mirror. 

Aren't you somethin', an original

Cause it doesn't seem merely assembled

And I can't help but stare, cause

I see truth somewhere in your eyes

I can't ever change without you

You reflect me, I love that about you

And if I could, I

Would look at us all the time

Now, not to give you in the impression I’m obsessive about looking at myself in the mirror, but I have in the past avoided myself for many years. Avoiding the reality of who I was. So yes, I make sure I regularly check in with where I’m at with myself. I take time to appreciate my hard word and just take time to fall in love with myself. It has been a long road and nothing happens overnight. I do see the truth in my eyes. I cannot ever change if I am not the complete Derrick. Mind, body, and soul. 

Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul

I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go

Just put your hand on the glass

I'm here tryin' to pull you through

You just gotta be strong

Again, I will not be stopped and I’m so excited to see where I can go. With each level that I reach more and more of myself and the world are opened up to me. I love it. I can’t stop and I won’t stop. 

I don't wanna lose you now

I'm lookin' right at the other half of me

The vacancy that sat in my heart

Is a space that now you hold

Show me how to fight for now

And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy

Comin' back here to you once I figured it out

You were right here all along

I can’t lose myself I’m too awesome. 

It's like you're my mirror

My mirror staring back at me

I couldn't get any bigger

With anyone else beside of me

And now it's clear as this promise

That we're making

Two reflections into one

Cause it's like you're my mirror

My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me

Yesterday is history

Tomorrow's a mystery

I love this part of the song. I have moved through so much over the last 10 years. I must remember that the past (especially the bad stuff) is history. I only have now and the future. That is such an exciting thought to me. I have seen what I did to myself in 8 years from comparing my old drivers license with my new drivers license and I’m not just talking about the physical part of me either its the whole package. I have such a different look about me on my new drivers license. Here is to self love and exploration of the now and the future. 

I can see you lookin' back at me

Keep your eyes on me

Baby, keep your eyes on me

That’s right Derrick keep your eyes focused on you now and what is in front of you. There is no need to waste time focusing one what was almost or what could have been. You are doing great and on a path that has so much potential. Keep it up. 

I don't wanna lose you now

I'm lookin' right at the other half of me

The vacancy that sat in my heart

Is a space that now you hold

Show me how to fight for now

And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy

Comin' back here to you once I figured it out

You were right here all along

It's like you're my mirror

My mirror staring back at me

I couldn't get any bigger

With anyone else beside of me

And now it's clear as this promise

That we're making

Two reflections into one

Cause it's like you're my mirror

My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me

You are, you are the love of my life [x10]

Self love. No one will ever love me more than I do. 

Now you're the inspiration for this precious song

And I just wanna see your face light up since you put me on

I’m happy and I am shining bright. Wouldn’t you agree?

So now I say goodbye to the old me, it's already gone

Yes, the old Derrick is gone and the new me is already starting. In actuality I was always there. Now I’m just expanding on the me thats always been there. 

And I can't wait wait wait wait wait to get you home

Just to let you know, you are

You are, you are the love of my life [x8]

Girl you're my reflection, all I see is you

My reflection, in everything I do

You're my reflection and all I see is you

My reflection, in everything I do

Yes, I see you. Yes, I really see you. Yes, so very glad to see you. 

You are, you are the love of my life [x16]

Wow, that was a lot out of a 7 minute song. I had to share because it meant to much to keep to myself. I wish everyone the same self discovery that I have found. It’s nothing short of amazing. It’s the hardest work we can do while here on this planet, but its the most rewarding. Thanks for being a part of my journey. 

As always I bring this to you with love and pure D-lite. = )