Life Through Music: Red Light Special

That's right you are not mistaken. The song I picked for this week is from the group TLC and is called “Red Light Special”. Now, before your mind goes right to the gutter let me back track a bit to help explain why I picked this song. I have mentioned before that music speaks to me in many different ways. Sometimes it's one word or phrase in a song, maybe even just the chorus, sometimes its all of the lyrics in a song that fit a situation, or just the music itself gives me a certain emotion. This is a song that I have heard many times before, but recently one part of the song stood out to me like it had never done before. 

Earlier this week while in transit from school to home I was listening to music on my iPhone. When I listen to music on the go I usually have my iPhone set on shuffle play. The song “Red Light Special” by TLC came on and part of the song spoke to me like it had never done before. See this wasn’t the first time that this song has played while listening to music on my iPhone. If you don’t already know I love listening to my slow jams. There are quite a few on my phone currently.“Red Light Special” is one of the newest additions to my slow jam collection. Last summer while hunting through the CDs at goodwill I came across the album titled "CrazySexyCool". On this album there are quite a few hits from the 90's and “Red Light Special” is one of them. It was in great condition so I bought it. So glad that I did because its such a great album and it takes me right back to the 90's. If you ask people of my generation most of them know of this album because it was very popular in the 90's. Even more popular with women of my generation. TLC's CrazySexyCool album is very much like two of the other female artists of the 90's named Salt 'n Pepper. Meaning that it pushed women forward with being open about their female sexuality. Many women who don't even listen to hip hop or pop music know Salt ‘n Pepper’s music word for word. Some of the women I have known in my lifetime that I would never even suspect being fans of Salt ‘n Pepper totally shock me when one of their songs would come on and they would sing or rap to it lyric for lyric without missing a beat. I believe both TLC and Salt ‘n Pepper changed many of the women of my generation to be more confident in their own sexuality in a very positive way. We have lots of stigmas in society from past generations that women don't like to have sex or talk about it openly and such. Well, if you don’t know now you do because they definitely are sexual beings just as much as men are. I believe women should be sexually confident and can also do so in a healthy way.

So, getting back to the TLC song that I picked for this week. I have listen to this specific song many times before I owned the album and now that I own the album I have heard it quite a bit more. When I listen to the song recently something different stood out to me and fit some of my thoughts that have been going through my mind of late when regarding past relationships and my love life. The lyrics that stood out to me were right near the end of the song:

I'm a woman

(I'm a woman)

A real woman

(A real woman)

I know just what I want

I know just who I am

These lyrics don't seem so epic taken out of the song itself, but trust me there is much power in these words. As I continually look back and try to learn from my past relationships by trying to figure out what worked and what didn't. I use this information to help pick better relationships in the future. What this lyric says to me is that in my past relationships there wasn’t a woman who was really very confident. Confidence is something that has become very important to me as I get older. Some of them were confident in certain areas and a mess in others. This was almost always true when talking about their sexuality. That's what I’m in search of now. As I refine my search and ask the universe for better opportunities this is something that is added to the list. I’m not afraid to be with a woman who “knows just what she wants and knows just who she is” in fact I welcome it. 

Recently, I complained to a friend about my online dating experience. She being the awesome person she is said, "Awww D, you need to be more confident. You're amazing." I know she was just trying to help me, but it kind of made me a bit frustrated. The thing is I am more confident than I have ever been in my life. That confidence that I have acquired has changed things for me in this department of my life and the way I select opportunities in my love life that is for sure. It’s a big part of why I’m still single to be honest. I want something more than I have had in the past and something healthier as well. My therapist tries to tell me as encouragement that my "picker" when it comes to women is getting better. She says this even though she has heard all about my failed attempts and head scratching situations I have been through lately when dating is involved. Well, it's that confidence that keeps me away from the bullshit. Oh and believe me there is a lot of it out there too. However, now I can smell it coming from a mile away. No thank you. Been there done that. I don’t even need to go into the specific experiences for you to know what I mean. Just know that I have had a lot of “bad situations” thrown my way. SO sick of it. I suppose I should take a moment to give myself credit for making progress with identifying it at least. It’s all good though I will wait for my “Red Light Special”. I’m ready for something healthier than the past relationships I have had and if that means sifting through the bad stuff well then so be it. 

Also, while we are on the topic of confidence I have talked to many women about what things are most important when they are looking for a guy. Confidence usually comes up near the top of the list. Well, I feel that confidence in a woman is just as important. A woman that is confident is very sexy in my opinion, but it is not as easy to find as you might think. This also shouldn’t be mixed up with being a "bitch", because there is definitely a difference. One of the women from my past that I never had the confidence to make a move on married a guy that I don’t think was that great of a guy necessarily, but he had one thing I didn’t at the time and that was confidence. Well, the next time a woman like that comes around I assure you I won’t be the same person I was back then. Because regardless of whether or not it results in a connection the effort and confidence will be there.

They say your soulmate is a direct reflection of yourself. Well, I'm pretty f@*%ing awesome so she must be one hell of a woman herself. A woman that owns the person she is and projects it well. Also, I have a feeling deep down inside that helps me go forward with all this. That feeling is that the woman I end up with will be the one making moves more than likely. Meaning she will see me for who I truly am and know that I am what she has been looking for. I'm not looking for perfection for I'm not perfect myself, but I am looking for someone perfect for me. Till then *grabs a shovel* I will continue to dig my way out of this mess. 

Hope you are all doing well and figuring your life out. 

As always I bring this to you with love and pure D-lite. = )

Life Through Music: “Sunshine on My Shoulder”

Picture taken by Kelly Seaton 2/15/2013

The song that I chose for this week is by the one and only John Denver called "Sunshine on My Shoulder". I found it very fitting to explain how yesterday made me feel with that wonderful burst of sunshine. 

Wow. I mean really what a wonderful day in February we had yesterday. Well, I’m speaking for all of my friends here in the Pacific Northwest that is. It really was just a perfect day full of sunshine that was so good for my soul. Looking out the window this morning you would never have know that we even had such a beautiful day yesterday. It’s coming though people I swear it. I can feel spring in my bones. To help speed up the process though earlier this week I bought an early birthday present for myself. What I bought for myself was plane tickets to Arizona to see my cousin Jason in March during spring break. Last year I went to visit him in February. It was only in the Mid 60’s while I was there, but the sun shined everyday and it was awesome. I don’t need sunshine every day, but some good solid amounts of sunshine during these dark dreary days in winter help me. Sunshine helps me hold the light until the world starts anew in what we know as spring. I hope everyone that lives in the NW got a chance to take a moment and soak it in. I cannot speak for the rest of the world, but here in the Portland metro area it was a little slice of heaven. I even wore shorts to work to celebrate the sunshine. I have been having some rough patches in my life as I continue to work through things. Yesterday was a wonderful break from all of that hard emotional stuff that I have been sorting through and with some “Sunshine on My Shoulders” it really helped cap off a week of some serious healing. Thank you universe. I hope you all are doing well and making your spring/summer plans because before you know it will be upon us. 

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy 

Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry 

Sunshine on the water looks so lovely 

Sunshine almost always makes me high 

If I had a day that I could give you 

I'd give to you a day just like today 

If I had a song that I could sing for you 

I'd sing a song to make you feel this way 

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy 

Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry 

Sunshine on the water looks so lovely 

Sunshine almost always makes me high 

If I had a tale that I could tell you 

I'd tell a tale sure to make you smile 

If I had a wish that I could wish for you 

I'd make a wish for sunshine all the while 

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy 

Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry 

Sunshine on the water looks so lovely 

Sunshine almost always makes me high 

Sunshine almost all the time makes me high 

Sunshine almost always

If I had a day to give you or a wish to make it would definitely be full of sunshine. Be well and take care of yourself. LOVE. 

Picture taken by Kelly Seaton 2/15/2013

As always I bring this to you with love and pure D-lite. = )

Her name was...

Well, because today is Valentine's Day and its definitely one of my favorite holidays... *shaking head no*... I thought I would share some of my thoughts on the day made up for celebrating your love ones. This holiday for me over my lifetime I think has given me more grief than love to be quite honest. This year the days leading up to V-day I actually had a weird experience when catching up with an elementary classmate. That person had a strong connection to one of those early love life speed bumps for myself. In this conversation I was taken right back to one of my first not so great situations in my very bumpy road that is my love life. It also got me thinking very deeply about where I began with my love life and how that effects my love life today. 

It was fifth grade and her name was Melissa Carmen. She wasn’t at all my first crush thats for sure. Because even at a young age I was known to have many crushes to girls that I went to school with. Melissa had dark hair and brown eyes. I think she must have been Spanish or Italian somewhere down the line in her family. She was everything that I still end up picking out when I look at women even to this day. Funny how somethings never change. Now, I don’t need to go into detail of what I did to try to connect with Melissa because frankly it was just a big mess. I was young and very foolish, but I definitely did go head over feet for her. I did many things that I wish I could have taken back. The thing about life is we can’t just go back and change things. However, we can learn from them and prevent them from happening again. 

Now, why I bring the story of Melissa up is that one of her friends in elementary school at the time of my crush found out that I liked Melissa and so the torment began. Kristi Carlson is her name and she is the person that I mentioned above that recently tried to friend me on Facebook. Now, I don’t want to give the impression that I have been festering about this situation that happened over 20 years ago, but when I saw the friend request on Facebook the first thoughts that came to my mind was how she treated me when she found out that I liked Melissa. There was many notes passed. Emotions played with and laughed at. If was horrible. Kids in elementary school can be so cruel. In a way I think after that situation it was a big reason why I didn’t make any advances to women for a long time after. You know I have heard many women complain about men not being forward enough or being confident enough to ask a woman out and such. Well, situations like I had with Melissa are the reasons many of us guys get that way. I think in many ways at least for heterosexual people that women already know who they choose before any attempt is made. However, some women know how to handle the situation with more care than others. Especially if the person making advances at them is not the one of their choosing. 

So, I confronted Kristi and told her what came up for me when she tried to reconnect with me recently. There was some apologies made and some forgiveness given. As I told Kristi that even though I wasn’t dwelling on this situation with Melissa my whole life her apology was nice to have and maybe on some level I was allowed to let it go. Sometimes we hold on to things we aren’t even aware of. Those things often right the code for how we operate in the bodies we have made over the years. 

Oh and as a side note I actually saw Melissa about a decade ago. My friend and coworker at the time Emily was a friend of hers. When Melissa found out that Emily and I knew each other she proceeded to tell Emily of my crush and all the things that accompanied it. Lucky me. Melissa even came through the drive-thru at my work and we talked for a few minutes. That was the last time I saw here though and even though I think Emily might have thought things might go differently for us later in life this was not the case. No hard feelings and I wish her the best. Just funny how life is some times. 

These are the moments I wish I could play “Where are they now” for all the people I have met in my life. I really do hope all of them are well and living the best lives that they can. 

I miss the days of waking up and my mom leaving her kids Valentine's Day gifts. There is one woman that has never ruined the holiday for me at least. 

I don’t need “one day” to celebrate love. I definitely don’t “need” someone else to love me. I don’t “need” a reason to listen to slow jams I just do. I buy myself chocolate all the time. I don’t need “one day” to remember how to show someone I love them. However, one day I will find someone that I can share those things with and more. To all those that are taking the day to make this holiday special good for you. Just don’t let it fizzle out tomorrow. 

I want to leave you with two songs actually. The first one was a song I listen to a lot when I would think about Melissa back in the day. Oh the 90's....

The other is the first (I kid you not) song that played this morning on my itunes that is set to shuffle, but I think it sums up today for me. 

As always I bring this to you with love and pure D-lite. LOVE. = )

Life Through Music: Below my feet..

I have made it through another week of work and so it is time to pick a song for this week. I picked this song “Below My Feet” by Mumford & Sons for my song of the week because I think it has a good connection to where I am with myself currently. 

With 2013 as my fresh start I’m beginning to gain my ground again. What I mean by that is I’m doing the things I need to be doing to help make a better me. I’m eating well, I’m back to being active, and I'm sleeping regularly. All of these things are so very important to getting anywhere with myself. However we are always changing and learning so these simple things can be often left by the wayside. The chorus in this song speaks to me about being grounded when in talks about “keeping the ground below my feet”  and “let me learn from where I have been”. Those two phrases resinate with me a lot. In life it is easy to get caught up and pushed around by all that goes on in life. It's always important to ground yourself as much as possible. When grounded we can focus our energy where it needs to be. For me right now that energy is focused on me. 

Other lyrics I like a lot from this song are “And now I sleep/Sleep the hours and that I can't weep/When all I knew was steeped in blackened holes/I was lost”. That means something to me because I was definitely lost over last year. These days though I’m definitely in motion forward in a way that is very healthy and I’m excited to be back on track. The lyric “Just give me time” speaks to me as well because time is all I need to heal the wounds of the past. 

You were cold as the blood through your bones

And the light which led us from our chosen homes

Well I was lost

And now I sleep

Sleep the hours and that I can't weep

When all I knew was steeped in blackened holes

I was lost

Keep the earth below my feet

For all my sweat, my blood runs weak

Let me learn from where I have been

Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn

Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn

And I was still

I was under your spell

When I was told by Jesus all was well

So all must be well

Just give me time

You know your desires and mine

So wrap my flesh in ivy and in twine

For I must be well

Keep the earth below my feet

For all my sweat, my blood runs weak

Let me learn from where I have been

Oh keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn

Oh keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn

Keep the earth below my feet

For all my sweat, my blood runs weak

Let me learn from where I have been

Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn

Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn

Forward. On ward. I can do this. “Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn” and my heart to love, and my head to learn. Here’s to not making the same mistakes and time to bring something new. I hope you are well and getting ready for spring...trust me it is coming. Here's to brighter days. 

As always I bring this to you with love and pure D-lite. LOVE. = )

It’s more than just a game to me...

February 3rd 2013, is the date set for the forty-seventh Superbowl in the National Football League. This year one of the two teams competing for the Lombardi Trophy is the team I have followed since I was introduced to football about 25 years ago. That team is the San Francisco 49ers. As a kid I couldn’t deny what Joe Montana and Bill Walsh were doing to change the way the game of football was being played. It was that up tempo West Coast offense that I loved. I was too young to remember more than the big names that graced the rosters of the teams of late 80’s, but my loyalty never wavered starting a bond that I still have today.

When I was going into my teenage years in the early 90’s I was old enough to start paying more attention to the finer details of being a dedicated fan. Things like knowing some of the more lesser know names on the roster. The early 90’s for the 49ers were the days of Steve Young as their quarterback. Steve like Joe brought many new things to the game of football. I think it started with him being a left handed quarterback, but also his ability to scramble outside of the pocket. Sure he wasn’t the first one to do this, but it definitely became a part of his skill set. I will never forget how awesome Steve Young was on the reverse play. He was always out in front blocking guys like he was just one of the offensive lineman. He gave you this feeling that he did whatever it took to win and he never put himself above anyone on the team. It was very sad that his career was cut short by head injuries and concussion problems. He did however win a Superbowl in 1994 with a dominant performance. I have no doubt that if he did not retire the 49ers would have had a few more Lombardi Trophies to add to the collection.  

So, through the late 80’s and into the early 90’s I was the only one I new who liked the Niners. I spent all of my time watching each game on the TV or listening to them on the radio. I never had anyone else with me during these times to help cheer them on. It wasn’t till I met my good friend Justin Jones in English class during my junior year of high school. We became friends very fast and still have a strong friendship with each other to this day. On top of the outstanding guy he is, he is also a 49er fan. From about 1998 we have shared this bond of our love of the 49er franchise. Finally, I had someone to connect with regarding the niners. Recently Justin even passed down to me his old Steve Young Jersey so we could both have on 49er jerseys for game days. I was truly honored by this gift. We have endured some good years and promising years. We also have experienced some not so good years. Through and through our loyalty to the niners has never wavered.  

18 years it took the 49ers to get back to the Superbowl. I was there with them all 18 years and more. With those 18 years I have gained much wisdom and realized a few things. As we get older it gets harder to make time for being with our friends. Some get married, have kids, or move away. Sometimes all of those things combined. Watching football on Sundays for me is about enjoying the game itself, and also about spending time with my friends. Time spent watching football is bonding time that I do cherish.  

It’s an amazing thing to follow along with your team as they make their journey to the ultimate prize. You kind of feel like you are a part of their journey in a way. It was awesome to receive many great text messages from my friends after the niners beat the Falcons in the NFC title game. Especially since last year the niners fell short and many of those same people sat in shock after last years NFC title game. My brother has joined the ranks of the 49er faithful over the last few years and it’s wonderful to have him with us as well. My friend Shauna is also a niners fan a long with her mother. Also, my new gamer friend Chad is a fan of the niners too. Through Facebook I have found some other 49er fans as well when posting 49er stuff on my page. My grandma has always been supportive of those 49ers as well and I remember her always putting the games on TV whenever I would visit her on Sundays. I now work with quite a few people who are 49er fans as well. It’s so awesome to have a community that all has one common bond. As each one of my co-workers/49er fans left the building yesterday they stopped by to share a moment before they parted. We would ask questions like: “Where are you were going to watch the game?” “What are your thoughts on how the game will play out?”. These and other questions have been asked many times over the course of the two week wait for the Superbowl. As I was saying my goodbyes to my coworker Al (who has loved the niners far more years than I have) we gave each other a hug and set our focus on the prize. This is why we watch and follow our team all year during the football season. This is why we endure every moment of our team’s journey. It’s the connection between us fans that I love so much. That connection with each other combined with every person on the 49er roster. That is why I love football.  

I also must mention that it's been so awesome to see the fans of old and the fans of the future come out during our run through the playoffs. I work at a grocery store and so I see both kinds of fans in the customers that come into my store. Living in Oregon you get a mix of fans because we don't have a team ourselves. I have seen many older gentleman wearing hats from the early 90's era. I saw a fan with a Gore jersey on yesterday and although her jersey looked brand new she said she has been a fan since the 70's when she had season tickets. I also saw a young kid with a 49er hoody on during the dinner rush last night and I made sure to say hi. My coworker David who works in the beer and wine department at my work has pulled his early 90's 49er hat out and has worn it all through the playoffs. It's awesome to share this moment with fellow fans. That moment where you look at them and you smile both knowing why it is that you're smiling without saying a word. Now is the time and today we will find out the answer to the questions Jim Harbaugh has been asking since he became the new coach of the 49ers. "Who's got it better than us?!?!"

So come what may with the game this Superbowl Sunday of 2013 I’m very proud of the team that the niners have made over the years. I also think it is the beginning of more good things to come for the years ahead. For the current Superbowl to be played today I just ask for the game to be a clean game and for the niners to give it their all for four quarters because this is the final game of the year whether you win or lose.  

With all that being said I would love to add another Lombardi trophy to the collection.... Game on.

 As always I bring this to you with love and pure D-lite. = )

Life Through Music: “Bust a Move” by Young MC

Music messages come to me in so many different ways. This week’s song came to me when I was in my Health & Personal Fitness for Life class. This class is one of two classes that I’m taking for winter term. Part of this health class is online and the other half (the lab portion) is in the GYM building of PCC. This music message came to me early morning when I was with my class working out in the weight room. We had just started getting into the flow of doing a circuit of the different weight machines with stationary bikes in between each machine. I’m sweating my heine off trying this new kind of workout and at the same time loving the new challenge. Then the teacher turns on the stereo and blasts the music pretty damn loud. I wasn’t bothered one bit by how loud it was. I love music when working out. Music really helps distract me and push me forward through my workouts. The music she put on was a mixture of up beat pop songs for the most part, but then I was thrown off by a song I hadn’t heard in quite some time. That song is of course “Bust a Move” by Young MC. It took me right back to rocking my Young MC cassette tape in my Walkman. That’s right I said it a CASSETTE tape. I am really that old. I actually listen to Young MC’s tape quite a bit back in the day. I even remember where it was that I found out about Young MC in the first place. Once a month in my music class in elementary school we would get a “free day”. My music teacher Mr. Stevens would let us bring in anything that we wanted to share with the class. So basically we would just spend that day in music class listening to all sorts of different kinds of music. Looking back now it was so awesome that he did that. I’m not sure the same thing would go over very well now days. Anyway, I cannot for the life of me remember who brought in the cassette tape of Young MC, but I’m so glad they did. The song that was picked to be played in our "free day" was a song called “principles office” which is a lesser know song by him, but it was enough to catch my attention. I was instantly hooked by the sweet jazzy sounds and hip hop beats mixed together that was just too much to deny my ears.  

So, now you know a bit of history with this song and myself. Now I will talk about why I picked this song to be my song of the week. I picked this song because it gave me the pick me up I needed as I was pushing myself to take it to the next level with my physical activity. For most of the last year I have done a good job at maintaining where I am with my body physically. This is important to know how to maintain where you are at, but I have been getting very frustrated with just leveling off. I want to go further. With 2012 in the past and all the tough work I have done with myself emotionally behind me as well, 2013 presented me with a fresh start.  So, I signed up for this Health & Personal Fitness class to kind of spring board myself back into motion. It has definitely done that and more. So, to get where I want to be with myself is less about “talking the talk” and more about “walking the walk”. Now it’s time to do the work. So the Lyric “Come on Fatso, just bust a move” really stands out to me. People can praise my accomplishments of how far that I have already come with myself, but that is all in the past. My story is NOT finished. I will not sit around using the fact that I already lost 150 lbs till the end of time. The time is now and I can’t wait to see what this chapter has to offer me. 

Some other parts of the lyrics that I connected with are:

The girl in the chorus says, “You want it, You got it”. 

This also speaks to me because I do want it and I’m going to get it. 

“You're on a mission and your wishin'”

Yes, I am on a mission and it’s more than wishing

“Someone could cure your lonely condition

Lookin' for love in all the wrong places”

Yes, it’s time to go inward and find more of the love I need to become more the me that I am inside this body. 

“But every dark tunnel has a light of hope”

Absolutely. 

This song is a prime example of how a song can move you in many different ways. When Young MC wrote this song I highly doubt that he was writing to inspire over weight people to lose some “lb”s. Many things in life can be taken how ever you need them to be. It's just important that you get the message. For me this song helped my new found rhythm and for that I'm always thankful. So come everybody and....

As always I bring this to you with love and pure D-lite. = )