Life Through Music: “I Yust Go Nuts at Christmas” by Yogi Yorgesson

It’s a shame to me that there are many people out in this world that weren’t exposed to certain songs that are very common place for me. See my father along with showing me all the big hit songs from the past also showed me many songs that weren’t as well noticed. He knew all sorts of one hit wonders and bands that got lost in the mix that is the music industry. The influence shared with me by my father when it comes to music helped shape the diversity of my own music selection. The ability to be open to anything in the realm of music that is so vast and ever growing.

Where I’m leading to is my song of the week that is a song that I heard a lot over the last month and that is pretty common for me to listen to this time of year. It is a Christmas song that outside my father playing it I never heard on the radio or even had anyone I met play it. It is a very different and quirky song that is for sure. Especially for being a Christmas song from a long time ago in a completely different era. The song “I Yust Go Nuts at Christmas” was released by Capitol Records in 1949. Yogi Yorgesson was a persona that Harry Skarbo ( who later become Harry Steward) adopted and had some decent success with in his short career as a musician. He released a fair amount of songs under this character, but the most notable ones being “I Yust Go Nuts at Christmas” and “Yingle Bells”. 

Also, what I found interesting about him when I researched him a bit for this entry was that he was born in Tacoma Washington making him a native to the Pacific northwest. Just an interesting fact to add to my knowledge of the Pacific northwest.

This song is one of my favorite older Christmas songs to hear during the holidays. Listening to this song takes me right back to so many memories spent with my father during the holidays. Which because of my limited time with him was shorter than my time spent around my mother during the holidays. He was a big part of my love for Christmas music though and this song was just one of many that he showed me that I’m so thankful for. So, there is no message related to me directly other than just enjoying the feeling of the season and remembering all the years spent with those that mean a lot to me. My father was one of those people and like he share the song with me now I can share it with you. Enjoy. 

Lyrics:

Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas, 

On that yolly holiday, 

I’ll go in the red, like a knucklehead 

Cause I squander all my pay. 

Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas, 

Shopping sure drives me berserk, 

On the day before, I rush in da store, 

Like a nervous nelly yerk. 

I look at nightgowns for my vife, 

Dose black ones trimmed in red. 

But, I won’t know her size, 

And so, she'll get a carpet sweeper instead. 

Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas 

Ven each kid hangs up his sock, 

Its a time for kids, to flip der lids, 

While der papa goes in hock. 

(speaking - background music only)

On da night before Christmas. 

Its still in the house, 

My family is sleeping, 

I’m quiet like a mouse. 

I look at my vatch, and midnite is near, 

I tink I’ll sneak out, For a cold glass of beer. 

Down at the corner, the crowd is so merry, 

I end up by drinking about twelve Tom & Yerry, 

I get to bed late, and yee vhise how I’m sleeping, 

Ven on to my bed, dose darn kids, day come leaping. 

Day sit on my face, and day yump on my belly, 

And I’m quivering all over, like a bowl full of yelly, 

Day scream Merry Christmas, and my poor vife and me, 

Ve stumble down stairs, and she lights off da tree. 

My head is exploding, my mouth tastes like a pickle, 

I step on a skate, and fall on a tricycle. 

Yust befor Christmas dinner, I relax to a point, 

Den relatives start svarming, all over da yoint. 

On Christmas, I hug and I kiss my vifes mother, 

Da rest of da year, ve don’t speak to each other. 

After dinner, my aunt, and my vifes uncle Louie, 

Get into a arguement; dere both awful screwy. 

Den all of my vifes family, say Louie is right, 

And my goofy relations, day yoin in da fight. 

Back in da corner, da radio is playing, 

And over da racket, Gabriel Heater is saying, 

Peace on earth everybody, and good vill toward men 

and yust at dat moment, someone slugs uncle Ben. 

Dey all run outside vhooping for da neighbors will hear, 

Ohhhh, I’m so glad Merry Christmas, 

Comes yust once a year. 

(back to music)

Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas, 

But I still have lots of fun, 

Yust da same as you, I enyoy it too, 

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE. 

I love the story that he implements into the song that even now can mean something to people of our current generation. The holidays can be quirky, frustrating, and just a plan mess, but somewhere in all that is Christmas is the beauty if sharing something between those you love. Cherish the moments, spread the love, and *singing* Merry Christmas ev-ery-one *cue the organ finish to the song above*. 

As always I bring this to you with so much love and pure D-Lite. = )

Life Through Music: “Christmas Time All Over Again” by Tom Petty andthe Heartbreakers

Well, I know not many people like Christmas music anymore. Especially at the level that I do. So, I waited till December to add some Christmas music to my song of the week series. The song I picked fits my mood for this week perfectly in regards to this time of the year. I don’t know if it was because after Thanksgiving my workload with school lightened up quite a bit or just it being December, but either way this week the Christmas spirit took me over. The song I picked is the song that I have listened to much of this last week to reflect this feeling that I always get about this holiday. 

Christmas always has been my favorite holiday and I start celebrating it as early as the beginning of November pretty much my whole life. I understand why others have such negative feelings about this time of year. Maybe it’s just the positive person in me that just makes the best of the season no matter what. I have worked in retail all of my time working and it hasn’t ruined me on the feeling of the joy that is Christmas time. I’m not even really a religious person either (even though we all know by now that it wasn’t actually Jesus’s birthday in December). Through in through there is much I love about this time of the year. 

One of the biggest things for me is getting my Christmas tree. Having a Christmas tree for me during christmas time is something I have always done. Even in years when I had no money for Christmas I managed to get enough money for a Christmas tree. I’m always glad that I do to because as I sit in the glow of my Christmas tree it warms my house and my heart.

Speaking of Christmas trees and loving Christmas I have to bring up my good friend Shannon. Shannon is the only person I know that loves Christmas as much as I do. She even goes a step further than me by watching a lot of the Hallmark Channel around this time of year. So, of course when she asked if I wanted to help her get a Christmas tree again I was so on board. This last Sunday Shannon, Tucker (her awesome dog), and myself set out to the top of the west hills to a nursery that Shannon had been driving by on her way to work. Originally we had a place in Sherwood picked out, but she said a tree on that lot was calling to her. As much as I like to go to a tree farm and cut my own down I really didn’t have the time this year. So after the breakfast I made for us we headed up the hill from my house. 

 

I have been getting noble firs for my Christmas trees over the last few years and I like them a lot, but the ones at this lot didn’t feel right. I gravitated towards the grand firs instead and the first one I liked was a hefty one that was about 7 feet tall and a very wide tree. The more that I looked at it I realized I would not be able to fit it in the spot designated in my living room. So, I went down in size and found this beauty of a tree.

The music is playing, my christmas tree is up,  and on occasion I have been drinking coconut milk nog while eating gluten free peppermint chocolate cookies...I think that the season is officially upon me. Also, after Wednesday I will take my last final for fall term and be free from school for a few weeks. So, I think that playing this song everyday this week very loud as I dance around my apartment is totally appropriate. Even for those “bah humbugs” out there. 

When I listen to this song it always reminds me of watching Home Alone 2 because that is where I heard it for the first time. Just like the excitement of Kevin McCallister when crossing the Queensboro Bridge heading into New York I’m excited to celebrate the season.

Lyrics:

"Christmas Times All Over Again"

Written by: Tom Petty

Well it's Christmas time again, decorations are all hung by the fire
Everybody's singin', all the bells are ringing out
And it's Christmas all over again, yeah again

Long-distance relatives, haven't seen'em in a long, long time
Yeah I kind of missed 'em, I just don't wanna kiss 'em, no
It's Christmas all over again, yeah again

And all over town little kids gonna get down
And Christmas is a rockin' time, put your body next to mine
Underneath the mistletoe we go, we go

Everybodys singin', all the bells are ringin' out
It's Christmas all over again, yeah again

And right down our block little kids start to rock
And Christmas is a rockin' time, put your body next to mine
Underneath the mistletoe we go, we go

Merry Christmas time come and find you happy and there by your fire
I hope you have a good one, I hope momma gets her shoppin' done
And it's a Christmas all over again
Baby it's Christmas all over again
And it's Christmas all over again

Now let's see...I want a new Rickenbacker guitar,

Please take the time to enjoy every moment of the season because it will be over before you know it. Thanksgiving went by so fast this year it feels like many many weeks have past since it happened, but in reality it has been only two weeks. Before you know it Easter will be upon us! So make the best of the season folks. There may be some negative things that have made there way into the Holiday season, but it is up to you to find the good that comes from this time of year. When you do find it hold on to it and make it brighter. 

As always I bring this to you with so much love and pure D-lite. 

Reflections of a Thanksgiving Past...

Yes, it feels like it was just yesterday...and yet it feels as though it has been weeks since we had that special meal that is shared once a year. A meal that is usually spent with those that you are usually related to or have some importance in your life or sometimes someone that has nowhere to go. Well, for me that is how it is, but I know for others it is not quite as great of an event. This year’s Thanksgiving had many similarities to the past Thanksgivings of recent years and yet there were some definite differences to this years festivities. 

I started off the morning with a phone call from my brother which forced me to get out of my nice and cozy bed to get prepared for the world. It was only 9 o’clock in the morning and I didn’t have school so I was definitely trying to take advantage of the extra time to sleep. My brother wasn’t having any of that which was fine because truthfully I hadn’t seen him in a good couple of weeks anyway. So, I got out of bed and prepared for his arrival. We had no plans to head over to my sisters place right away because she was also trying to take advantage of the day off from school as well.

So, what do brothers got to do to pass the time? Play games of course. Thats right! It wasn’t even noon and we played a game of Stratego. That is how my brother and I roll. And you know what I might have to start making it a Thanksgiving tradition. We had a lot of fun playing Stratego which my brother did end up winning. I’m pretty sure, however, that he was cheating. He always moves his bombs around. We will most likely have a rematch around Christmas time so I will keep you posted.

So, after that epic battle was finished we both got ready to head over to my sisters place. This is where the biggest change to Thanksgiving happened for me. First, to really explain why this is such a big change for me I have to go back to a bit to set up why I made the change that I did. 

So, over this last summer I spent much of time working out while I was out of school. Because of this hard work I lost some more weight and made much progress on my body as a whole. That was one of my main goals over the summer and I did quite well. 

On top of this accomplishment I also said on my Facebook that I made a new goal of wanting to make more goals. Well, one of the first goals that I made was I set out to do an abdominal workout for 30 days straight. I didn’t just want to set more goals for myself I wanted to set smaller goals to achieve in a shorter periods of time. I have many long term goals for myself, but I hadn’t done many short term goals.

As you can see from the picture above of the piece of paper that was at the side of my bed that for 30 days straight I dated the piece of paper to show myself that I had completed the workout. It was pretty tough to do 30 days straight I will admit. Not the workout itself, but sometimes I would forget in my busy schedule between work and school. Sometimes I even woke myself up in the middle of the night just to complete it. The only days that I missed were days I was sick. I did however go over the 30 days to make up for the days I lost from being sick to be fair to myself. 

So, with every goal you need some kind of reward. For me I chose the prize of this goal to be a new outfit. As I got closer to my goal I realized that I hadn’t given myself a prize for my hard work over the summer. So, I decided to add it onto my current goal and so I upped the prize a bit. The new prize for meeting my goal was not just an outfit, but instead a more serious outfit. A classy outfit if you will for the new person that I’m becoming everyday. I told myself a long time ago that as I start to losing weight and transform myself into a healthier me I would follow suit by matching the outside with the inside. This dressing up for Thanksgiving is a huge check point for myself. Not many know truly how great it made me feel to have that kind of pride in who I am. 

See most of my life because of my weight I was kind of a slob or at least I looked like one by the way I dressed. It is also very hard to find fancy clothes for someone that is larger in size. Let me assure you that there where years I was bigger than the pictures I have shown on this blog so far. Most Thanksgivings I would literally roll out of bed and go to the table in whatever I was wearing. Now days life is very different for me and so I have made different choices in this department because of these differences. I have over the last few years worn a nice button up shirt casually to Thanksgiving, but I still had a desire to go further. As I get closer to where I want to be with my body I want to dress accordingly to match that. Well, although I’m not finished on my journey of where I want to go with my body I’m definitely at a point that I can start going to different places with my wardrobe. This Thanksgiving is the first step into new territory of my wardrobe and there will be many more to come.

It seems like just a little thing to be so excited and proud of wearing a tie with vest, but if you knew the days I have been through with clothes then you would be excited too. Many painful years to tell you the truth. 

Progress. 

We all must appreciate ourselves even the little things. In honor of my father I put some orange in my outfit to represent him (his favorite color) since he was the biggest factor to help me to make many health changes in my life.

When I finally was done looking at myself in the mirror over and over trying to figure out who this man was that was standing in the mirror in front of me we made or way to my sisters Magic Cottage. 

When we got there I was happy to see that she was awake and busy in the kitchen when I walked through her door. To start it was just us three (My sister Paula, My brother Justin, and myself) at my sisters place working away in the kitchen. I did some prep work for her and then we all helped make the dessert. Eventually my mother showed up. She was followed shortly after by my grandmother and her boyfriend Hal. The mingling started as my sister put the rest of the meal together. 

The rest of us played a game that my brother had bought at a gaming convention we went to over the summer. The game is called Cover Your Assets. While at the convention we got to meet the creators of the game. The game is very simple, but once everyone understands how the game is played it starts to get ruthless. My brother ended up feeling most of that ruthlessness in the two rounds we played because he came in dead last both times (that’s what you get for cheating at Stratego). It’s one of those games where we stress that it breaks up families as we start playing it. We made it through two rounds before dinner was served and although my brother might have been a little pissed, thankfully our family was still intact. 

The meal was perfect like usual. My sister rocks at making Thanksgiving dinner.The only exception this year was the dessert we made earlier that day when just the three of us were at my sister’s place. The dessert didn’t turn out as good as we had hoped. Especially since it had been the replacement of pumpkin pie for this years Thanksgiving. It was still edible and I still enjoyed it. Over all I’m very grateful to even have a meal not just on this day, but everyday that I’m alive. 

One of the other thing that I want to mention about eating the food at Thanksgiving is that with the serious lifestyle changes I have made in my life and continue to. Those changes have drastically changed my eating the most. I do eat carbs everyday and somedays I still eat more carbs than I should, but I keep realizing each Thanksgiving that I have a hard time eating as many carbs at one meal. I only had one plate that was moderately covered and I definitely filled myself up, but I stopped there. The move to stop eating alone is a HUGE change from Thanksgivings of years past. I remember going back for seconds several times many years ago. Not the Derrick of present day. I got myself to the point of being satisfied and just sipped on some sparkling apple cider till everyone wanted dessert. Dessert was a bit rushed for myself, but I took very small portions. After that was done I don’t know if it was all the carbs turning to sugars on top of the couple of glasses of sparkling cider I had during the day, but I started getting giggly. Mostly to myself of course by many random things, but it was quite funny to see myself this way. It was as if I was getting a buzz without drinking any alcohol. It was rather interesting to feel this way for me since I haven’t had alcohol for many years now. 

After dessert we drew names for Christmas, chatted a bit, and then got our leftovers before heading home. Man every year life seems to go faster and faster. I wonder what it will feel like when everything is but a blink of an eye. Regardless it was a day in my life to be plenty thankful for. I’m so grateful for so many things these days and the list keeps growing everyday. I just wanted to take the time to mention a few here to mark them in my timeline. 

I’m thankful for:

-Love, 

-Loving myself

-A healthy body

-A healthy family

-Having my family be a part of my life

-Having the greatest relationship with my sister

-Having a brother that shares so many fun times together

-My mom for doing so many little things to help me out

-My grandma for loving me and saving me coupons that she gives me. 

-For a home to take care of myself and be myself

-For a job and a job that helps me a lot to do the things I need to in life.

-So many great friends. I’m extremely blessed

-The universe for providing me opportunities everyday that I wake up. 

Another Thanksgiving down and Christmas is around the corner. Before you know it will be Easter to which I say bring it because I miss my shorts. So the cycle continues.

As always I bring this to you with so much love and D-lite. = )

Life Through Music: “Holding On For Life” by Broken Bells

It’s crazy to think that 2013 is almost done. As the last few weeks are in front of me I look back on the year. One thing that I realize right away is that 2013 had some great music that found its way to me. Or it is that I am fine tuning my vibration in the universe? I feel that as I continue to do the work on myself the more the world around me responds to this movement. Music is just one of the best examples for me to show a direct connection to where I am at a given moment in time. From the up beat dance music brought on by Daft Punk, Justin Timberlake, and Empire of the Sun to the harder hitting albums from Late Night Alumni, Imagine Dragons, and even music from the lovely Krista Herring. Plus just all the other songs that came to me over the year some new and some old, but all with the right message at the right time. 

So why I’m bringing this is up is that although 2013 is almost done there is already some music that I’m already excited for that is slated to come out in January. January 14 to be exact. The first single though has been available since November 5 and I instantly fell in love the first time that I heard it. It wasn’t till these last few weeks that I really started to listen to it over and over. If you are unaware of who the band Broken Bells is than I suggest you go right now to Youtube and educate yourself. Broken Bells is a side project of the artist/producer Danger mouse (real name Brian Burton) and James Mercer who is the lead guitarist/singer of the band called The Shins. This is a collaboration I never saw coming, but the connection between the two artists is quite magical. 

James Mercer (left) and Brian Burton (right)

So, the song that I picked for my song of the week is called “Holding on For Life” by the Broken Bells. Before I get into the lyrics I wanted to make a comment that I think that the 70’s era of music is making its way back into mainstream music. You can actually hear it in a lot of the music I posted above when talking about dance music. This song from Broken Bells is no exception to this trend and I guess they aren’t leaving any room to ponder it with the title of their next album called “After the Disco”. It’s not directly disco music that is for sure, but there is definitely some disco influence with a new spin on it. It’s a wonderful mixture of new and old in my book. 

Right from the beginning I get hooked by the sweet bass line and the strumming of a guitar. Then the rest of the new age electronic sounds come in making you want to wander your way to the dance floor and just get lost in the vastness of the sound. This songs sound is what I imagine space music should sound like.

Lyrics:

“Holding on For Life”

Girl, take a seat
Rest your weary bones
Your secret's safe in my hands
Tell me 'bout the years
And let me buy an hour
Maybe help me to understand

Ain't nobody calling
Ain't nobody home
What a lovely day to be lonely

You're holding on for life
Holding on for life
Holding on for life
You're holding on for life
Holding on for life
Holding on for life

Light another cigarette,
Burning in the cold
Waiting on the street for your man
You're trying not to look so young & miserable
You gotta get your kicks while you can

And in the Latin Quarter,
Sitting on your own
What a lovely day to be lonely

You're holding on for life
Holding on for life
Holding on for life
You're holding on for life
Holding on for life
Holding on for life

(Yes, I am holding on for life. No matter how bumpy the road gets. I would also go further and say that I’m also holding on for Love. The moments in life that I live for are the ones that are full of love.)

Well, you may belong
To another time
Still you have to carry on, yeah
Nowhere else to go & you never know

(Some times in life I do feel I was born in the wrong time period, but I must carry on with what I was given.)

What to hide and what to show, noo!

Like last weeks song the bulk of what I connected to in this song lyrically is the chorus. That message of holding on for life. Last week I felt lost on where I’m going and this week I holding on harder and weathering the storm as it were. Finals for school are next week and I’m just trying to finish out this year strong so it will carry on into the next year.  Can wait for the music I will hear in 2014. Till then appreciate what’s left of 2013 its been a hell of year. I hope you are appreciating the last of 2013 as well and thinking about what you bring to 2014. Take care. 

As always I bring this to you with much love and pure D-lite. = )

Just some thoughts...

Its very interesting to me to get the female perspective on things in life. I had much of that go on the other day and it sparked a whole bunch of thoughts in my head that I thought I would share.

Last Saturday I spent most of the day hanging out with my sister for her birthday. During that time many of her friends stopped by randomly throughout the day to wish her happy birthday and hang out. Most of her friends I know as well. There were a few that I met for the first time yesterday. Being the only guy that was there through most of the day there was definitely a lot of female energy flying around. Like most things in life I found it very interesting to for the most part just to sit back and listen. 

During my time over at my sisters there were a few things that stood out to me in conversations we had. Some of the things that were said kind of hit on somethings that I have been thinking about lately. 

I’m someone that is very observant and I take in life and try to learn from what I see. The comment that was made yesterday that gave me pause was a comment said by one of the females that hung out for quite awhile. In the middle of some kind of related topic she said, “I’m dating a guy that can actually poach an egg. I’m surprised that he is competent enough to do so.” Now I don’t expect everyone to know how to cook a poached egg, but the part about the comment that made me pause is that she was surprised in his competence to do such a thing. Maybe it’s because I’m very independent myself, but I find that my generation and the ones below mine don’t make the effort to do such things on many levels of life not just in cooking. 

I find with myself that it is very important to learn the little details as well as the big ones about those I meet in life. 

I have been single for most of my life so I don’t have a huge amount of relationship experience to back up my thoughts, but I have been very observant when talking to others about their relationships which taught me a lot. I have even learned quite a bit from the relationships I have had. There are many reoccurring patterns that usually come up when I listen to others talk about their relationships. 

Let’s go back to the comment about the comment about the poached egg. It makes me think about how low the bar has been set for many women out there. Another example of this to me is when I use to ride public transportation into downtown Portland to spend some time with a woman I was dating. Apparently me doing this was a huge deal because when she told the other women she worked with what I did this they said, “Wow, he must really like you.” Are you kidding me? Even when she told me that I was confused. Have women really been treated so poorly that going to their work to share a meal is going over the top? I definitely don’t want to group all women and men in this category, but I have heard many similar stories from many people over the years. 

Past not doing the little things in a relationship communication seems to always come up when a relationship is struggling and or didn’t work out. Which is sad because I love having that consistent communication with someone I’m invested in. It doesn’t have to be talking to each other every five minutes, but I really enjoy talking to the person I’m with. Especially the end of the day talks before bed. My mother called me the quiet child when I was younger and that is true for the most part. However, I have found that to the right people or right situation I can be quite the chatter box and actually communicate quite well. I operate better in one on one situations. There is also many other ways that we can communicate between each other. Communication isn’t just talking to each other orally it can be body language or simple just a person’s actions. Even silence has its place when communicating. It is no secret that women love to communicate more than men as a whole, but for me nothing is more attractive to me than someone that has a good open dialog with me. For the male gender this can be a hard thing to do. I realize we are all in different places in life as we figure out ourselves and how we operate with our partners, but I think if more effort was put into communication many problems in a relationship can be dealt with long before they blow up into huge problems. When it comes to communication I feel I’m much different from the norm and I’m always trying to be better about this. 

Some of this may seem like common sense, but there are many people that are lost on such things. My sister at some point during the discussions going on between all the females that were at her place said to me, “Are you taking notes?” She said this because most of the women knew me well enough to speak rather openly about all sorts of topics.To which I say for most of the things they talked about not really because those are things I just do because I have always found them important.

I’m not trying to put myself above or in front of anyone else because I realize that we all are at different places of learning in this thing called life. I wrote this blog entry for you to take a look at yourself and how you are in your own relationships. We all have room to grow. For me I have just really realized lately what a great person I have become, that my differences are actually what is great about me, and what a great person I will be for future relationships to come. Not perfect mind you because I will make mistakes, but I know I’m capable of putting in the work to have healthier relationships for myself in the coming future. 

 I really just love the person I am. No really. =)

As always I bring this to you with much love and pure D-lite. = )

Life Through Music: “What now?” by Rhianna

I mad a decision a long time ago that I have chosen a path of feeling. That means I have chosen in my life to be present in every moment. I gave up things like alcohol to feel life in every moment. This seems easy in theory of course, but its a lot more difficult to actually do. It’s not an easy path to go down as I have come to find out. What makes it so difficult is because although the good times are great to be felt in their entirety, the flip side to this coin is that the bad times can be very hard to feel in their entirety as well. 

So, this last week the heaviness of the energy in my life came to the forefront. Through many things going on in my life I was forced to deal with it. Some of the things that came up were old things and some of the rest were new things that I had to process.  

One of my biggest problems is that I get restless. This restlessness gets me into many problems with myself. First thing that usually happens when I get restless is that I don’t sleep well or long enough because my mind is running full speed trying to figure out every thing in my life at once. Then because I don’t sleep correctly everything else in my life gets very off track. The best way to explain just how my restlessness screws me up is to imagine a set of dominos. These dominos are set up in a neat evenly dispersed arrangement. Then my restlessness comes right in and just starts knocking over all the dominos in no particular order. To keep myself going in a positive direction I need all those dominos to fall in the correct order. This is why being restless is bad for me.

I don’t just become restless all at once it’s usually something that creeps up on me slowly. Sometimes I catch it before it gets to me and sometimes I don’t. This last week it finally caught up to me. 

Through a few changes I have made more recently I have really quieted down the noise that plays in my life. In essence I have had to sit with the silence I created from making those changes. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea knowing how restless I get or maybe it would have happened anyway. 

Regardless, I was there by myself sitting with the silence and just feeling. Trying to not to figure out everything that was going on in my mind, but instead I was just feeling and processing how I felt. It was a process of listening to my heart and my mind at the same time. This is a very difficult thing to do and I became very overwhelmed many times over the last week. There is much to learn about life and yourself from this process. 

I stayed in it because these are the moments in life that help you heal and grow. As the week went along some new sounds came in my life to help me as I started to make sense of my feelings. That is when I came across this week’s song of the week. The song I picked for my song of the week I found when I was going to YouTube to look up a different song. When I went to do this YouTube’s home page had this song’s music video featured right below the search box. Something in me urged me to click on the video so I did. I took a chance and I was glade I did. 

The song “What Now?” by Rhianna seemed a perfect fit even from the title itself. Because that was much of what I was feeling with my life at that moment. Everything didn’t seem to make sense or I couldn’t see the future in many things I was doing. So, what I literally was thinking of my life as a whole during this rough patch was “Well, what now Derrick?”. 

Lyrics:

"What Now"

I've been ignoring this big lump in my throat

I shouldn't be crying, tears were for the weaker days

I'm stronger now, or so I say,

But something's missing

Whatever it is, it feels like

It's laughing at me through the glass of a two-sided mirror

Whatever it is, it's just laughing at me

And I just wanna scream

What now? I just can't figure it out

What now? I guess I'll just wait it out (wait it out)

What now? Oh, oh, oh, oh! What now?

I found the one, he changed my life

But was it me that changed

And he just happened to come at the right time

I'm supposed to be in love

But I'm numb again

Whatever it is, it feels like

It's laughing at me through the glass of a two-sided mirror

Whatever it is, it's just sitting there laughing at me

And I just wanna scream

What now? I just can't figure it out

What now? I guess I'll just wait it out (wait it out)

What now? Please tell me

What now?

There's no one to call 'cause I'm just playing games with them all

The more I swear I'm happy, the more that I'm feeling alone

'Cause I spent every hour just going through the motions

I can't even get the emotions to come out

Dry as a bone, but I just wanna shout

What now? I just can't figure it out

What now? I guess I'll just wait it out (wait it out)

What now? Somebody tell me

What now?

I don't know where to go

I don't know what to feel

I don't know how to cry

I don't know oh oh why

I don't know where to go

I don't know what to feel

I don't know how to cry

I don't know oh oh why

I don't know where to go

I don't know what to feel

I don't know how to cry

I don't know ow ow why

So what now?

I have more recently become a fan of Rhianna’s music. Not all of it, but there is something about that voice that draws me in with the right message being con vied. In this song there is much that I connect with. The real hook for me was the chorus when she sings “What now?” over and over.

In a way this fits right into a lot of what has been going on astrologically of late. There has been a big shift this month about letting go to the things in your life that no longer serve you. It hasn’t been just me that has felt this shift and heaviness. As I reached out to others I know that are doing the work they shared similar feelings as myself. That definitely helped to hear others going through this too and to get the feeling that I wasn’t alone in all of this.

Let go. 

It seems so easy saying it, but it’s harder to do. As I change I have had to reassess many things that are in my life. That means really looking at the things that are important to me and the things that I chose to focus my energy on. That means even letting go to somethings that have been with me my whole life. At times I wanted to just rid myself of every thing in my apartment. I didn’t do that of course, but it got me thinking a lot about what I have in my house. There is going to be some changes going on over the next few months for sure. I have a feeling that it will be hard, but also very necessary. It might just be the refreshment I need. 

It wasn’t just material things I felt like letting go of either, it was also many other things in my life. Things I do in my life. Things I waste my time on. People that I have in my life. The effort I put in for relationships with people that I don’t really get the same effort back. I’m telling you it was a serious week for me and I really thought about many things on a high level. It’s all part of the process I kept telling myself. So, I continue to work at it because that is the only way that it will get better. 

As I write this entry I'm feeling much better. I still know there is always work to be done within ourselves, but for now I feel better about a lot of things. Also, I feel that I'm in touch with myself again and that is always a good feeling. Just keep doing the work. 

Out of the darkest moments we rise again to see the light for what it really is. Live in the love, the love that just is. That is my hope for everyone on this planet. 

As always I bring this to you with so much love and pure D-lite. = )