As the years pass there are many things I think about more than I ever use to. Sometimes thoughts come to me over time or all at once. One of the things that I think about a lot lately is my Grandma Heine. I didn’t realize till recently how much she had an impact on me and who I am today. Before I get ahead of my self let me start from the beginning of this realization.
It was 2006 at the end of November. I woke up not feeling well. Just one of those not quite flu like sicknesses, but rather more just felt off and not physically up to par for the day. I laid on the couch all day watching movies. I don’t even really remember which ones I watched. I remember it being gross outside, a typical Oregon fall day cloudy and gray. I remember it getting dark early that day as well. I think it was around 4 or 5 in the afternoon my sister came home from work. Which was weird at that time because she usually got off after 7 at night. She walked in and found me on the couch and asked if I was ok. I told her that I had called into work. She then asked me if I had heard what had happened that day. I remember giving her a confused look and I said no. She then told me that my Grandma Pauline Heine had past away that day. I really didn’t know what to say. It definitely wasn’t the impact that my fathers death had on me. I remember thinking how it seemed fitting to add to my already horrible day. The other reason I wasn’t so bothered at the time is that she had been battling cancer that last year and a half. She had been in lots of pain. I went to see her a few weeks before and I knew as I hugged her on the front porch of her house that would be the last time I hugged her. After that she became increasingly ill very quickly. So for her sake I think that first day my reaction was actually a sigh of relief. She felt no more pain and she got to see my father again finally. She was never the same after his death nor was my grandfather and with good reason really. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to lose a child. I hope I never find out. They say when someone dies you never lose them all at once. You lose them in pieces. My grandma’s death was another example of how true that is. That brings me to why I’m writing this blog. Because although I didn’t see my Grandma very often when I was younger because of visitation. I am definitely finding that she left me with more of herself than I ever thought before her death.
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| My grandma and my sister Paula. One of the few pics I have of my grandmother since she didn't like us to take pictures of her. |
On my visits to my fathers house every other weekend I really did try to get to my grandma’s house as much as possible. It wasn’t just because I wanted to take a break from my father. It was a lot more entertaining to be at grandma’s house. Besides her feeding me home cooked food and she always had treats of some sort like a good grandma should. There was more at work. There is all sorts of memories I tie into my relationship with my grandma. Some of the memories are as small as I remember I learned how to cut a banana with a butter knife when she put banana slices on my cereal in the morning. There was many funny little memories too like her threat to spank us when us kids got out of hand by saying “I’m going to thunder gust” lol What does that even mean? Regardless the threat was enough for us kids. I only remember her following through once and it wasn’t that bad. For me it was more about not letting my grandma down. The memories of her singing a long to the real oldies of her generation playing on her old am radio on Sunny 910 for those of you that live in Portland back in the day know what I am talking about. The Memories of her watching reruns of Lawrence Welk like every episode was brand new. She had a beautiful voice. Every time I sew on a button or when I see someone sew. She was an incredible at sewing things. She definitely passed that skill on to her only daughter and even rubbed off on my sister as well. I still have a quilt she made that I love dearly. I also do things in the kitchen that remind me of her. Like my stock pile of old plastic containers that I keep around. I remember my grandmother kept every plastic container she got probably all the way back to when they first moved into the house my grandfather built for them in 1952. Even down to yogurt containers even the ones without a lid. I also keep twist ties and rubber-bands around when I get them like she use to. I have peanut butter that is similar to her big jar of Adam’s peanut butter with the oil sitting on top.
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| I lost the pics I had of while I was making it, but this was the end result. It doesn't look like much, but it's SO GOOD! |
But the biggest thing that really made me think about her was recently I got some free raspberries. My grandma had lots of raspberry bushes in her backyard and so in between just eating them straight off the bushes or eating her famous raspberry freezer jam those free raspberries took me right back to my grandma. I got inspire to make some of my own freezer jam. Oh and I did let me tell you. I even put my own spin on it because I don’t have her recipe. I used an alternative sugar source as well. It turned out so good and one bite of that jam on top of a waffle took me right back to my grandma’s kitchen. Ten years ago I would not have thought that I would be a cook like I am now. I am not the best cook out there, but like my grandma I have a desire to make good food and share with others. She never went to cooking school. She learned the hard way. She learned from doing it everyday for over 50 years. She cooked regularly for her four children and one really picky husband. That is what really inspires me to keep learning. To always try to do it myself. Because much of my generation is becoming lazy. Somehow I feel I have her over my shoulder helping me figure it out as I go so that always helps me. I to have the desire to cook for my wife and children if I have any or maybe just as an uncle. I think of all the wonderful dishes she made for us. Her famous potatoes in the morning, her special noodle dish she would make for me, and her famous Santa cookies she made every holiday. The list could go on for years. I think of her often when cooking and it would be interesting to have some conversations with her now about all my gluten free and dairy free cooking I do.
Now I don’t want to say my grandma wasn’t without faults. She left us with many issues with our own body imagine with her constantly getting on us about our weight. Most of which she picked up from my own grandfather. There are other things as well, but that is not what I want to get into. I’m writing this blog to appreciate the good things my grandmother left me with. This is a blog about thanks for the unconditional love she gave us kids and all the hard work she did through out her life. When I am cleaning my house I think of her as well. Especially when mopping my floors I have a distinct memory of her on her hands and knees scrubbing the floors. Being a housewife is a lot of work and not as easy as it seems. It inspires me to make sure my wife never does all the work. That a man can step up and put in work too. Thank you Grandma I love you and miss you dearly. I wish more than anything to make you a meal for once and treat you like the wonderful lady that you were underneath all the politics. Till we meet again for another hug I keep you in my heart a bushel and a peck. I will pass on as much as I can to the generation below me.
As always with love and pure D-lite. =)
